DOSE:

repeated

insufflated

Methoxetamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

128 lb

I'd taken Methoxetamine twice before in my career of self-destruction; once when I was roughly 16, once when I was 17. I had a good streak going on, unfortunately 18 was just a very boring year. These previous times had been whilst the drug was still a legal high, meaning it was likely slightly purer than the batch I'm writing about.

The first time I broke open a capsule and snorted the contents in one line; this was sufficient to keep me going for about three hours of wonderful confusion. The second time I swallowed the capsule, then snorted a few keys of it in powder form (branded as 'Matrix'). That time was probably one of the most intense experiences I'd had up until that point, it was a total sense of disassociation and confusion, probably not helped by a less than great atmosphere. I'm not going to talk about that experience a lot, but just to give you an idea of how gone I was: at one point I looked into a mirror and my reflection sneered and said 'you're all skin'. I didn't consciously say it, my ego was likely pretty dead by that point.

The third fateful time, unfortunately, was kind of an accident. A few friends and I wanted to get a couple of grams of ketamine; our mutual friend gave us a guy's number, when we met him he warned us this batch was 'mind-bending, ultra-powerful shit'. Thinking this was just dealer bravado we got back to my flat and I immediately did two large lines within 5 minutes of each other.

Still under the impression it was ketamine, I started to believe him. If I'd begun with a small sample line like any responsible drug-user should I probably would have been able to peg it as MXE instantly, the problem was by the point I started to feel anything I started to feel everything.

Colours became harsh and contrasting, my friend's didn't look like my friend's anymore, I felt myself melting into my leather office chair. I have a peculiar mental habit whenever I take something powerful of convincing myself that I'm feeling it way more than everybody else. In retrospect, this is just a delusion. If you're going to try MXE you should know that what you're feeling is perfectly normal; don't panic!

I continued on this level of confusion for about an hour, having two more lines in the mean-time. I was still absolutely convinced that what I was taking was Ketamine; on a level it's almost like I didn't realise how impaired my mental state was, I'd convinced myself that Ket is always like what I was feeling.

We were all saying things, but I was having trouble actually paying attention to the words people were using. I'm pretty sure no rational conversations went on in that room, we were all just babbling to ourselves and laughing. I couldn't hear anything over the sound of how disassociated I was, is my excuse.

Thinking we were still just on Ket, at about the second hour we decided to watch Breaking Bad. One of my friends actually worked out how fucked she was before this point and was taken to bed by one of our sober friends; that really should have been a clue, but as you've probably guessed by now I'm an idiot. Breaking Bad was intense. I've watched it through enough times to know exactly what point in it we were at, but I think knowing the story so well made it weirder. I was getting the classic visual I always get on a disassociative; everybody's facial features looking small and condensed in the center of their face; their faces were literally pretty much 'all skin'. It's not as cartoonish as it sounds, but it's very noticeable. Hank looked like a thumb. At some points I believed the events were actually happening in front of me before I managed to realise I was just sitting basically four inches away from the TV.

Hour three, Breaking Bad is over; we decide to play Worms instead of watching another episode. For those that don't know, Worms is a 2D turn-based game in which you try to kill your friends' Worms with a wide array of weaponry. Sounds like the perfect trip activity, right? Sarcasm ahoy. I'm pretty sure I spent more time killing my own Worms in between laying my head on my desk and closing my eyes.

I would start thought-looping whenever Worms wasn't distracting me: what's happening, why am I this stupid, why are we all behaving so weirdly. It seems like every time I'd nearly worked out we were on MXE my turn would come and I'd play Worms for about twenty seconds, completely closing the loop and starting it again. I felt less like a person and more like a primitive creature, we almost established our own fucked up culture in that room over the course of a measly six hours. Ancient Rome, eat your heart out. We were all exaggerated versions of our own personalities, reduced down to our base traits which were then turned up to 11. I almost didn't recognise them at this point, one friends' face seemed to be almost deflating as I looked at him, one friend looked like a mushroom of black hair. Unless I was really looking at somebody and thinking about who it was I almost didn't register facial features at all.

The familiar chill of ego-death stayed with me throughout the trip, spatial recognition went completely out of the window, I felt like I'd become a part of my office chair completely. We'd all convinced ourselves we just couldn't leave the room at all, it became our own little pocket dimension. At one point my friend (still inexperienced with even Ket, mind you) took off his shoe and stared at it for roughly half an hour, though time was pretty arbitrary by that point. Eventually I left the room to get a glass of water and realised instantly how fucked I truly was. I walked into my kitchen; the window had been wide open all night, it looked like a breach had happened in the hull of a spaceship, the wind was so powerful and everything looked so empty and devoid of atmosphere. Total Nostromo.

'I think this is Rhino Ket' I heard a friend say when I came back in and it all clicked together. I told them it was MXE and explained briefly what MXE was; I'd told them all the stories about my first and second experience with it previously, but thinking about it it seemed so incredibly similar. Everyone went to bed shortly after, me leaving the room had somehow made them realise that they didn't have to stay any longer, the idea of leaving and sleeping it off never occurred to any of us.

In conclusion, MXE is a pretty incredible experience. I may come off like I had a bad experience, but I'm the kind of tripper that almost relishes the chaotic and confusing trips more than the serene and spiritual. I think MXE is the drug I've been waiting for. A warning: Don't think you'll build up a resistance any time soon, if ever. This, I think, is why the upper limit of how destroyed I can be is removed with MXE; in a heavy Ket session I'm going to gradually gain a resistance over the course of the night. We adjusted our lines over that night as we would for Ket, increasing it each time. We really didn't need to.

Methoxetamine is a powerful experience; if it's your first time doing it I'd recommend sticking to keying it instead of racking up lines, doubly so if you're not really experienced with Ketamine either. However, for me at least, it seems to be a drug that can never give me a bad experience. I always remember them fondly, if with a profound sense of confusion and memory loss. A friendly tip: Don't look in a mirror. It's not worth it.

In total I had approximately 400mg over the course of the night. DO NOT USE THIS AS A REFERENCE POINT ON HOW MUCH TO TAKE. This is during a long stretch of time and was still probably not the best idea; I truly did think it was just Ketamine. If orally insufflating rather than nasally I'd recommend about 50mg if you're comfortable with the feeling of disassociation, 30mg if you're new to the whole experience. This is more of an anecdote than an analysis, if you'd like a more methodical description of the effects of MXE I'd recommend reading the blog 'Disregard Everything I Say''s description in the 'Specific Substances' section.

I just felt it was a funny story worth sharing. Thanks.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 100782
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Sep 25, 2015	Views: 4,690
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