DOSE:		smoked	Cannabis
		oral	4-AcO-DMT	(edible / food)

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

I attempted to keep a written record of my experience as it was happening. I had my significant other (SO) as my sitter, who later filled in the gaps in my record.

Mindset: I didn’t really think anything was going to happen. I was hoping for a psychonautic experience.

Setting: Mostly home, with a small bit of travelling.

Dosage: Unsure.

Meds: Not on any currently. I have been off anti-depressants for nearly a year. I smoked some Indica cannabis during my experience. I am a seldom cannabis user.

On March 15:
At 10:00am, I smoke a half a bowl of Indica strain to prepare. I want to be in the right mindset. At this point I have an empty stomach. The drug was tested by a friend, and while we are reasonably sure we know what it is (95% sure), there is no way to know for certain. The drug came in some kind of edible. Grape chocolate, maybe? It is more like a grape brick, 3 inch diameter, 1 inch high. It is almost a year old from when we received it. I’m not sure exactly how old it was when we got it. We sealed it and put it in a cool place, but neither of us are convinced it is still good.

At 10:25am, I cut up a fourth of it into pill sized chunks and swallow, chasing it with about a third of a beer. At 10:45am, we leave for Bojangles. I notice a bit of a time distortion and note that I am very intrigued by the perception of motion (the relay between the eye and the brain), but I think it’s just pot. When I am warned not to eat too soon because I will burn myself, I feel the memory, the burning of my mouth, physically in the present. I confirm that I had not actually taken a bite.

By 11:24am, I feel like I am coming down. I am fairly certain at this point that all I have experienced is just cannabis. I note that I am frustrated and annoyed. By 11:54am, I have a mild headache and am pretty tired, so I go to sleep. I wake up at 2:45pm and still do not feel anything. At 4:00pm, SO notices that my eyes are dilated. However, I feel nothing.

On March 16:
We decide to wait 12 hours and try again with a larger dose and a different delivery method. I powder half of the remaining brick and put it in a PowerAde. It does not dissolve. I try not to think about the smell as I drink it. It smells like vomit. I stir it with a spoon every time I drink to make sure it stays evenly distributed. I drink most of it before giving up. I start drinking it at 11:25am. Ten minutes later, I smoke half a bowl. I feel a little shaky. I drop the cap to my water bottle. I think that it’s probably just nerves from drinking something gross. At 11:46, I’m still smoking, and I notice how pretty the smoke is. I could just stare at it swirling. By 11:49, I am done smoking.

As I walk into the living room and reach the couch where my SO is sitting, I feel it hit hard. I am so overwhelmed I can’t sit down. I can see everything. It extends for forever. SO helps me sit down and hands me my notebook. At 11:55am, I write “Experiencing every tiny instant as forever. Every picture (instant) becomes infinity. Very overwhelming.” I am probably breathing very hard. I feel like I have never been able to use the word “overwhelming” with such precise accuracy before. It feels like maybe my brain is pulsing from the effort. It was extremely short though, because at 11:58am I think that it is over. I am completely lucid. I get up to go find my SO, who left to use the restroom during this time. I want to have sex before it is completely out of my system to see how it feels.

I feel like a giant. I fall completely into the two of us; everything else disappears. I ride a wave of pleasure. I balance perfectly on the edge. It hits hard again while we are having sex. I think this must have been my peak. I am too rough. I scream too loud. My SO is worried someone might call the cops, so he asks me to stop. I could have sex forever, but I roll off. We keep playing. I am writhing. At some point, I realize that I can’t stop myself. I am getting tired, but my body won’t listen to me. I tell my SO to stop, even though I am still physically consenting. He stops but I still feel his hands. They’re my hands. I can’t stop. I try to fight it with no success. I begin to laugh hysterically, still touching myself. I remember thinking how ironic it is that my own mind is raping me, over and over. I keep laughing, choking and coughing occasionally, I think. I am convulsing and hyperventilating. At some point SO has gotten out of the bed. He says later that I was mostly nonresponsive with moments of lucidity, when I said it was bad, I was scared, and that I needed my yoga mat.

At some point I was able to get up and go to my yoga mat in the living room. I could not be touched during this time. I kneel on the mat with my forehead resting on it, breathing in, calming down. I am still overwhelmed.

At 12:35pm, I start writing again: “Feel everything, one moment becomes eternity. Everything is pleasure.” I flipped the page and started drawing at 12:37pm. The next half an hour or so is very profound. I tripped hard. I am scared and fighting the trip. At 12:46pm, I wrote “Understand that all art is showing a journey. Journey is purpose. All life is art. Everything is about the journey.” At an undocumented time after, but before my next entry at 12:57, my stomach starts to hurt very badly. I haven’t eaten, so my SO gets me cookies, goldfish, and water. At 12:57, I write “Everyone is doing you a huge favor to understand your journey since their journey is equally as intense.” I feel excessively grateful to the people in my life. My stomach hurts terribly. At 1:03pm, I write “Life is a fight to be peaceful. The ultimate paradox. Everything is a balance.” I am still fighting the trip. I think I can see my internal choices in my head. 1:10, “Make the choice to survive.” I think the choice to follow my trip and fall into my subconscious desires is visually lit, illuminated inside my head. It is so beautiful. I am scared and want to take the darker path, the path I have until now seen as the safer path, but I am afraid that path will kill me now. I am very scared, but I have to choose to not be scared so that I no longer have a reason to be scared. Fear itself is that of which I am afraid. It is a paradox, an endless loop. At 1:18pm, I write “Take the beautiful path.” My stomach still hurts, but I am calming down. Throughout all this time, I still have the effect of seeing everything about each physical thing I lay my eyes on. It is a struggle to think when I can sense everything to its fullest extent. I have extreme time distortion, perhaps losing sense of time altogether.

There is a gap after this in my records. To the best of our recollection, I sat and tripped. At some point I opened my laptop and looked at trippy pictures. I did not really have any visual effects. I was very unimpressed by typically trippy pictures, instead preferring pictures that held feeling. For example, I liked the picture of the small man climbing the giant stairs to the doorway of the universe much more than a random pattern of colors and shapes. This space of time was uneventful.

At 3:30pm, I feel like I am coming down. We go to Bojangles, stop by the pottery kiln to make sure it is firing, and then we go to Barnes and Nobles. I start to draw in Barnes and Nobles. When my SO comes to get me to go to a different section, we have to leave. I start feeling uncomfortable. I tell my SO we have to go somewhere else, and he tells me to show him where. I lead him outside and say “The people in there are wrong. I like less judgmental people” or something along those lines. I am worried about my trip being noticed by the general public. We are in Barnes and Nobles for 10 minutes tops. I have no time distortion during this span of time.

We sit in the car for a while and talk while I draw pictures. It is around 4:00 or 4:30pm. My pictures are incoherent squiggles, but my SO says my conversation is completely lucid. At some point we drive back home to grab first aid supplies so we can go for a drive in the mountains. In the car, I draw the side silhouette of a naked woman and draw a mountain scene on the opposite side of the paper fitting into her curves. A river flows between the mountains and along the base of one of them, meeting a grassy meadow. I am lucid during our short drive. We go to a scenic overlook and return home.

We get back around 5:00pm, we think. We listen to SubFocus, while we fool around. After a little while, I sleep. Around 8:30pm, I wake up. I think I am completely down. We go to Mellow Mushroom, but I don’t eat. By 10:30pm, we are back home. I am a little shaken up by my experience and decide to smoke another half a bowl. By 11:00pm, I return to bed. Once I touch the bed, it feels cool. I like the way it rubs against my skin. I trip again. We fool around, and I fall into the high this time. I drown in my lust. It consumes me. I realize that while I trip everything that is pleasurable is converted into sexual pleasure. Everything feels so good. I make peace with my trip. When we finish, I go to sleep.

March 17:
I have no idea if some of it is still in my system. How much is the drug and how much does the drug change me? I become aroused more quickly and easily. I appreciate the feel of the world a lot more. Before this trip, I think my Superego was the gatekeeper. If my Id wanted something, my Superego either disapproved it or approved it and carried it out itself. During my trip, I had no loss of self, so I did not experience any Ego death. My Id took over. My fight and my terror during the first hour, I think, was my Superego fighting and failing to achieve control. Now that my trip is over, I think my Id and Superego have developed some equal ground. No one is the gatekeeper. It is a balance and not a tyranny. The drug has brought my Id into consciousness. It is terrifying and beautiful. I have some residual anxiety from the experience, but I think that maybe the balance is better.

We have some theories about why the drug came in waves. Maybe I finally got around to processing the chunks from the first day. Maybe some of the drug is processed in the stomach, then the liver/kidneys, then in the intestines. Maybe I didn’t drink enough water. I drink water when I smoke weed, so maybe that’s why it seems to be linked to smoking. It’s possible the drug is not 4-Acetoxy-DMT, although it is unlikely. There is some speculation that it degrades into 4-HO-DMT. Maybe it partially degraded into something else; maybe it completely degraded. Maybe it didn’t degrade at all. We were told it was synthetic shrooms. It is pretty obviously not shrooms, even before ingesting it. I have tried no other drugs, besides cannabis, prior to this. However, when it first hit, it FELT the way I thought acid would FEEL (but without hallucinations), although it does not last long enough, nor is it in the proper form. It seems to be similar to ecstasy (for me at least), but without the euphoria. I have heard that shrooms give you an “organic” trip. This trip did not feel organic.

I have no idea how much expectations shape your trip, but I had virtually no expectations going into this trip. I didn’t really even expect it to work after being stored for a year.

As for physical effects only, this drug is tiring. I have a mild headache. My brain feels sore. My body is tired. I have slept a lot, around 10 hours last night and a 5 hour nap today.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 102906
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: May 14, 2016	Views: 9,837
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4-AcO-DMT (387) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Multi-Day Experience (13), First Times (2)