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Too Insecure To Submit Ego
LSD
Citation:   pixie. "Too Insecure To Submit Ego: An Experience with LSD (exp103916)". Erowid.org. Jul 31, 2019. erowid.org/exp/103916

 
DOSE:
2 - 3 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)
BODY WEIGHT: 110 lb
It was the 2nd night of a music festival, in the back of the vendor space my friend had set up. It was him (Will), another friend (Jessica), and her friend (Kaitlyn). They all took their tabs, but I was hesitant to take mine, not trusting my subconscious self.

They wanted us all to be on the same level, and I agreed, so I stuck however many tabs it was in my mouth.

There was a body high; a melting feeling. We girls soon went for a walk around the campgrounds. There, I noticed all the artificial lights had rainbow orbs around them. The moon was full and I saw it bounce further and closer.

There were 3 ping pong balls on the ground that I questioned were real or not. I stepped on one and thought it disappeared completely. I enjoyed playing with them in my hands for a bit.

We kept walking, and I did naturally feel somewhat anxious/ insecure. When I closed my eyes, I saw tunnels of patterns and colors. We stumbled upon these 2 other trippers at their tent, building a meshy glowstick wall. We stood there a while staring, talking. And then we made our way back to home base/ the vendor's tent, where we left our water. There, we basically all collapsed wherever we could find to lay down. Jessica fell asleep instantly.

I was laying, facing Kaitlyn for a while. When I'd close my eyes, I'd explore worlds inside myself. I was trying to find my way through the tunnel of anxiety, I think.
I was trying to find my way through the tunnel of anxiety, I think.
Also, feeling short of breath, I was trying to find my lungs but could barely find my body. I was all in my head experiencing rooms & worlds.

When I'd open my eyes, I'd see Kaitlyn's face right there. Sober or not, this makes me uncomfortable, as I'm scared people will see inside my soul. Her gentle smile morphed into an ugly evil frown, so I closed my eyes again.

The tie dye tapestry in front of us revealed many pictures of many animals. We experienced this together for a while.

After moving from the pile of clothes to the cushion bed sprawled out (w/ Will), I remained deeply anxious, trying to not lose myself, to observe myself. I went to pee a bit later after falling asleep, and instantly was drawn towards music. I walked over to the big tent with an incredible light show, not feeling like dancing. Just standing in the background feeling self-conscious. I came to the conclusion that I can't fake happiness anymore. “Nothing that you don't feel, is real.”

Though my trip was somewhat enjoyable, I wish I could have been able to let go. I was still anxious/ self-conscious into the next day.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 103916
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Jul 31, 2019Views: 698
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LSD (2) : General (1), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)

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