DOSE: T+ 0:00	900 mg	smoked	Lotus/Lily - Nelumbo nucifera	(dried)
T+ 1:00	0.5 g	oral	Amanitas - A. muscaria	(dried)
T+ 1:30	1.5 g	oral	Amanitas - A. muscaria	(dried)
T+ 2:00	1.5 g	oral	Amanitas - A. muscaria	(dried)
T+ 3:00	2 g	oral	Amanitas - A. muscaria	(dried)
T+ 4:15	2 g	oral	Amanitas - A. muscaria	(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

I did some research on amanita muscarias and decided I'd like to try some around my birthday. I ordered some grade a+ washington strain and sacred lotus stamen.

My wife started going through depression and that was bringing me down a little. I'd recently been trying to do some long meditation sessions by myself while my wife worked on the weekend but usually got distracted doing something. I felt like the amanitas could guide me on my intellectual and spiritual path.

Reading some of the amanita experiences, I started to realize that my life was a trip even though I hadn't played with drugs for a few years, and only marijuana a few times when I had. I would often be in a state of doing something and then forget what I was supposed to be doing. I'd go through daydreams about things that never would really happen and play out scenarios in my mind like I wasn't really present in my current situation. Then do all kinds of clumsy things while not really paying attention. I felt delirious, disconnected from reality, and like a goof- just like somebody tripping balls and losing their grasp on reality.

So this could be a deliberate trip to end the undeliberate trips I decided. I was looking for an ego death kind of experience but haven't experienced something that strong yet.

After working late, I packed the .9 grams sacred lotus into a prerolled paper roller and measured a 3.5 g dried amanita cap all before my wife got home. I thought the 3.5 grams would be a safe dose to experiment with. When my wife got home, I told her I'd go get some subway for us to split for dinner. When I got back I smoked the lotus before going inside.

T-1:00 9:30 p.m .9 grams lotus stamen
The sacred lotus stamens reminded me of the taste of tobacco cigars. The taste was a little lighter and had a mild 'sharpness' to it if that makes sense. There was a very mild menthol-like effect. I felt my anxieties melt away a little but nothing like the sense of total fulfillment that I got from tobacco before I quit a long time ago.

T-50 9:40 p.m
Went back inside and read while my wife and I ate subway. My footlong sub all stayed inside that night fortunately.

T-15 10:15 pm
Finished eating. Tried to keep reading but just had the urge to chill out so I lit a candle, sat cross-legged on the floor and stared at the flame.

T+0 10:30 pm .5 grams a.m.
Bit off about a .5g piece of the dried amanita and held it in my mouth. It rehydrated with my saliva instead of in my tummy. It didnt seem like it expanded a whole lot as it rehydrated. The taste reminded me of shitakes, weaker and a bit more earthy.

T+30 11:00 pm 2.0 grams a.m.
After the first piece became soft in my mouth I broke off another 1.5 gram piece and kept both in my mouth.

T+1:00 11:30 pm 3.5 grams a.m.
Chewed and swallowed both pieces put the last piece in my mouth. Got up and watched a cartoon with my wife. No noticeable effects yet mental or physical.

T+1:30 12:00 am
Wife goes to bed and I candle gaze next to her for a while. I start to notice some heavy pulsing in my head and what feels like heavy circulation to my brain. It lasted a few minutes then wore off. I go upstairs with a tall glass of water and extra bottle of water to stay hydrated in case of heavy salivating or sweating. No sign I'll throw up but had to take a runny dump. I weigh out a small 2 gram cap and start an online computer game waiting for a friend to get online. Still holding the a.m. In my mouth.

T+2:00 12:30 am 5.5 grams a.m.
Friend gets online and we play together. The 3.5 grams hasnt had a mental effect yet so I chew up and swallow the piece in my mouth and hold the 2 gram cap in my mouth. I noticed only one minor effect- I type a word from a different context. I typed pawn then peasant when I should have typed villager.

T+3:15 1:45 am 7.5 grams a.m.
I finish up the computer game with my friend feeling pretty normal but maybe not having played my best. Chewed up and swallowed all the amanita so far and drank most of my water while on my computer. Take a second runny dump and break off a 2.0 gram piece from a large cap. My mental state was pretty normal for being up late though I didn't feel exhausted like normal. I look at my exercise bike and exercise doesnt sound like a bad idea. I think I'm feeling the physical energy state that some people experience but I didnt do anything with it.

I chewed up and swallowed the last piece dry instead of letting it soak in my saliva like the rest and closed myself in a dark closet, sat cross-legged and commenced a routine meditation on the state of the body. This is where I started to get a mental experience. I believe this to be a combination of finding the right dosage and stopping all my other activities. I didn't feel the need to adjust my position like I usually would meditating and I didn't feel the sinking relaxation that I usually experience meditating sober in the dark. I was already relaxed mentally and physically. I turn on some binaural beat meditative music and have intense flashes of 'letting go' and then returning to normal states of consciousness. I panic a bit when returning to normal consciousness like I have a need to hold on to dear life. It was definitely easier to let go of ordinary consciousness under the influence of amanitas but I wasn't in a state yet where I could let go and never come back. Maybe next time...

I dropped in and out of consciousness as is normal when I meditate in the dark when tired. On awaking from brief unconsciousness I had feelings or thoughts. One of these times I lost consciousness briefly and woke up thinking the words 'your body is a gateway'. Another time I woke up feeling a unique energy surge like a downward pointing arrow starting from my head and surging to my chest and disappearing. I evaluated the feelings in my chest. What I had associated with a 'fullness' up to my chest from eating the last amanita was more like what I imagined to be a lightly bubbling reaction. I felt a bit of a tightness of the airway to my lungs. I'm not sure if it is always tight and I could never perceive it before now, or if it was closing. This made me feel uncomfortable and made me feel like I need to hold on to my wits so I dont stop breathing or something. 'Don't close your gateways' I thought in a reprimanding tone. Hmm.. Okay boss, I think Ill drink a lotus tea next time instead of smoking it.

The music was more organic. I felt some of the tunes were like thin banners of wavy color in my mind. The music was more interactive with the sensations in my brain. Normal sounds were more like music to me. Instead of immediately recognizing my ferret thumping its leg in its cage I thought this was a quiet percussion line in the song I had never heard before.

The meditative experience was very natural and unforced. I felt like I was being guided to let go of ordinary consciousness but was too reluctant to give in due to my sinuses not letting me breath well and the tightness in my air pathway.

Eventually I felt very hot closed up in the closet without any ac vents or good airflow and had been having a lot of urges to fall asleep. I tested my eyes for effects and didnt notice a strong frame by frame effect like other people had described; no thought loop yet at this stage either.

T+4:15 2:45 am
I opened the door to feel some cool air and eventually lay on my side keeping the music on and my head propped up. Fell asleep and woke back up then lay all the way down and fell asleep.

T+11:00 9:30 am
Woke up naturally without any alarm or sounds. No dreams, that struck me as odd. My head is extremely clear. And I feel a deep connectiveness to everything. Everything is connected. Wife already went to work without me preparing her lunch and coffee so I shower, make both, prepare my breakfast and let the ferrets out before taking the lunch to my wife's work and hanging out at her work for a while. I do everything surprisingly efficiently without fumbling around, grogginess, forgetting what I'm doing and no reluctance due to sloth. My thoughtfulness is connected to my wife getting over her temporary depression, and if she is feeling depressed now it is connected to things her or I have done. Common sense kind of stuff but I feel this instinct deeply rooted inside my brain suddenly and can apply the instinct to so many areas of my life. I associate the 'don't close your gateways' principle as being similar to the 'leave your bishops open' principle I learned from chess. If you have a capacity or opportunity for something don't do anything that will have the effect of reducing that capacity or losing that opportunity.

This was a great introspective experience for me. No queasiness or hellish delirium and I look forward to doing this again earlier in the day when I can experience the full length of the trip.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 104315
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 30
Published: Nov 4, 2020	Views: 5,829
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Lotus/Lily - Nelumbo nucifera (331), Amanitas - A. muscaria (70) : Alone (16), Combinations (3), First Times (2)