DOSE: T+ 0:00	300 ug		AL-LAD
T+ 3:00		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

190 lb

I tried 300ug of this last night and it was one of the most tremendous psychedelic experiences of my life, lots of previous experience with the wild psychedelics I can find growing in fields during Autumn, have used the naturally occurring smokeable tryptamine a fair few times and have tried the close relation of this substance twice before, once at a moderate dose, another time much heavier. I previously tried 150ug of this substance a week ago and found it to be pleasant, it had a very slow onset which built and built upon itself which I liked a lot but overall I couldn't help but feel that perhaps it was lacking a bit of depth.

Leading up to this trip I fasted all day and dosed mid afternoon, at half an hour in it was already feeling very genuine, I saw the usual OEV breathing effects on text and became aware of the underlying geometry behind this visual effect, it was flowing in, out, all around, back in, a force of encompassment, I became aware of how this same principle integrates all the things we become aware of in our lifetime, a nice insight into the most common visual I have on psychedelics and how it actually relates to everyday life.

Creeping up to an hour it was revealing a profound holiness, I felt like it knew I had been having my doubts about it and it was fully resolving those doubts, but how could it know? The molecule must be a key to a knowledge/force that exists independent of the molecule.

Past the hour mark it was revealing deep recesses that other psychedelics have shown me before, my hands folded spontaneously in prayer style, feeling deep gratitude and appreciation, but I still wanted to see what sets this substance apart and felt I had enough of it in my system for it to show me ... 'all one can do is remain conscious and see how things shift' I wrote in my trip log... Feeling so great I wanted to re-dose but decided to let this one roll...

Over 2 hours in I became aware of how deeply therapeutic and healing this substance is, so loving, with the looming ban here in the UK I felt a massive urge to get behind it but I don't have the funds or even if I did the network to realize the dreams of such vast distribution, I felt that it needs to be out there for the sake of humanity, the love I felt for humanity was so compelling, I was thinking about the truth in Hofmann's statement that LSD was discovered when it was as the antidote for the A-Bomb, and how relevant this particular version of that substance is to today's societal issues.

At 3 hours in I decided to vaporize some herb and on reflection this was a big mistake, I always find herb mixes best at the tail end of a decent dose not at the peak as it can quickly color/darken the trip. The combination of having fasted, with 2 blotters in my stomach, mixing in herbs that stimulate digestion, and my earlier intention of 'show me what sets you apart' led to me really seeing how high this stuff can really take y, feeling music became so orgasmic, inner visions were fully immersive, strands of DNA and unidentifiable prima materia explode/rush all over my visual field when I close my eyes, 150ug was mostly mental, this was more full on, breathwork coming into play... Flowing body movements to channel the intensity of the energies flow, it made me wonder what the ceiling dose is with this, sheets were looking edible! Saner heads prevailed... For a while at least.

With eyes closed but very aware of my body's position sitting upright in a chair I saw my flesh disintegrate in moments leaving bones which just as swiftly crumbled to dust leaving in their wake visions of cosmic proportions, oblong shaped galactic discs whose centre was a white hole that took up 90% of the disc's diameter, on the fringes of these ‘white holes’ was a surrounding band of purple light with specks of light embedded within it, as I looked closer I came to see that the specs of light were web-like superclusters of galaxies themselves, as this vision broke apart and dissipated I saw the 'essence of eyes' beyond the light, symbols of cosmic awareness, this repeated a couple of times, as soon as I opened my eyes I was back to the room, but if I closed my eyes I was in that same contemplation again watching my body decompose.

Shortly after this I suddenly felt a surge of mental purge, I knew the substance had just thrown me a curve ball as if to say 'now work with this', those concepts didn't form but that was the assured feeling, it didn't feel scary at first, more interesting, then the CEV's started to go haywire, I was having so many thoughts at the same time and each thought brought up an image so images were stacking upon one another, very incoherent, chaotic and unenjoyable.

This is where it gets serious, the nature of this psych can be so repetitive, so one doubt, one thought, like 'this is weird' can repeat on itself over and over until things actually get weirder and weirder, then the thought 'this is going somewhere dark' repeats on itself so it gets darker and darker, then the thought 'I'm losing it' which repeats on itself until that psychedelic mindstate many of us know comes 'this is it, I'm going to lose it, not just for a few hours but forever!' then this repeats on itself ad infinitum (or so it feels), this repetition propelled itself into a 'negative spiral' that filled my entire body with ill feeling and all I could do was watch it savagely tear my sanity apart, the first time it happened it reduced me to nothing, all I could do was See, it was a process of deeply refining perception, like it all gets too much and brings my attention right to the core of all things, this 'negative' spiral happened a few times but each subsequent time I was either able to pull myself out of it by feeding the repetitiveness positive thoughts or letting it burn with hands folded and just watching it, this was really pushing me right to my very limits.

It soon went back to the underlying joy of the experience and at times I consciously called forth the fear again so I could face it and process it, just one thought of negativity (that something can even be negative) would repeat on itself until it started to take over, later I could locate the fear as a knot below my navel that I could bring upwards and it would fill my whole body, I could only integrate it with total Love/Seeing, there was no other way than to break open and love everything.

Some deep lessons were learned through all of this, some of the most profound I have ever learned, what you fear is what you'll find, what you feed you will find, so don't feed the view that anything is negative or can be against you in any way, stand as the love which nothing can destroy, let that be your feedlot, allow the mind to subside on this love alone, it showed me I have to love so equally and unequivocally or it isn't the full scope of the true love that exists, to not allow divisiveness to proliferate within the mind, and that ultimately there is no malevolence, life just keeps itself honest.

I felt at moments I had to lose everything, all my trust, belief, doubts, faith, everything! It tore all ideas apart, it showed me how much fear lurks within us and how to integrate it in love as it arises, how to break open those boundaries that limits the love that could freely flow into our world, I saw that a fundamental fear in the human mind is the fear that something can go 'wrong' at all and to not entertain that notion, I also learned how thoughts and feelings can stir up so many images but it is really best to remain imageless and unbound, to not associate self with thoughts and images.

On reflection the way the whole trip unfolded was like it was showing me the incredible latent potential within humanity and then showed me what holds us back from realizing that potential.

This is a serious entheogen and as heavenly as it is it can also show me the other side of the coin and force me to integrate it all. This being said I still don't think there is unnecessary reason to fear as that can certainly feed on itself, I wouldn't want to perpetuate that mindset in anyone, this is still a very loving sacred substance. I feel we each get shown what we have to see, it can push each of us to our own limits others' mileage may vary and may not have to be put through such trials. Just take note this it not not the 'benign' or 'recreational' option when it comes to psychedelics as some suggest, when it comes down to it it's just like any other proper entheogen, not just for kicks and giggles.

Love

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 105138
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 30
Published: Oct 13, 2016	Views: 4,193
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AL-LAD (603) : Personal Preparation (45), General (1), Alone (16)