DOSE:

1 bowl

smoked

Salvia divinorum

BODY WEIGHT:

65 kg

Trying to address my condition of ‘hearing voices’, depression and 9-year alcoholism, I sit back on the bed up against the pillows with my legs crossed and out straight after the toke of salvia kicks in, trying to remember the words. Something like “Shmangaly shmongoly bingaly bongaly bingoly bongoly.” I didn’t write it down but as usual, it was important – Noam Chomsky might’ve well said it. No, It didn’t address anything that has any real meaning but it was lyrical, lilting – I liked it. I have smoked 2 grams of salvia in the last month, this is the last bowl and it's the same as usual but of course the details are different. The voices that I hear in everyday life are now as usual voiced by transparent fractal-shaped localities trying to reason with me while also apparently also trying to sew my mind back up again.

“Just like uncle Mickey” I said. They laughed. Ah, what dazzling wit - I don’t have an uncle Mickey, not even an uncle Mike so I don’t know how that was witty, but it was. It was fucking hilarious, again as usual.
“Don’t do it!” said the invisible girls said as they faded into the distance. “Don’t do it until we get a chance to explain!”
“Explain what?” I asked in thought. “Explain what, stupid?” I insisted. Also, ‘do’ what? It could mean anything. But they were gone. Fucking morons.

Every object was split into two parts, each identical part split into many multiple copies of the first Two. I was involuntarily leaning towards my cat who was sitting with his back facing me, sitting on my girlfriends’ pillow, ignoring me. He always ignores me when I smoke salvia, but he makes sure to follow me into the bedroom and sit right next to me when he does it, as if just to prove something. Whatever it is – point taken, cat…And – touché.

But the game was up. It had all fallen apart and now they were going to have put it back together again – if they could – I mean they put it back together before but that was then, and this was – ostensibly – now. Then I see someone – some thing familiar out of my left eye.
“Is that?” I thought out loud, “Uh-huh!” They said, barely containing their excited laughter.
“My right eye?”
“Yup!” They said. God, no wonder he looked familiar.

It was disconcerting and comforting at the same time that I was suddenly reintroduced to something – sorry – ‘someone’ that I knew so well – all my life in fact – someone that was such a loved and appreciated…eye…and realizing that he had a life-story all of his own, and more than that, seemed to know more about me than I did of him. Comfortable that I had my right eye back in place, I looked over to our Laura Ashley wallpaper, Duck Egg Blue, it looks so pretty in the light but then it looked pretty in the shop too, that’s why we bought it.

The long zip-up around the periphery of my vision was beginning – I watched as my mind was being stuffed back into place and I took the moment to talk to ‘the cast and crew’ as I have literally just dubbed them this second:

“Hey what the fuck is up with all the bullshit anyway?”
“Oh boobeeboobeebooo – why don’t you do something about it?” They retorted, cutting me short. I quickly remembered that I was here for some sort of insane ‘therapy’: asking invisible people and my right eye for advice on how to be a person.
“Oh what, you mean like get another shitty job?”
“Huh?” they genuinely didn’t know what I was talking about. I tried again:

“Hey I’m totally depressed and shit. What the fuck?” I quickly checked to see if I was depressed. In truth, no – I wasn’t depressed right at this moment – I was too busy gesturing and talking to our curtains to be depressed. No, I remembered, I was angry. “HEY!” I insisted. “I don’t need your goddamn help – you need my help! You’re the ones who are in my head! Admit it, If I wasn’t here-” But they were gone. My cat was still ignoring me and now I was even more confused than before. Just at that moment my girlfriend walked in the room and I acted like I was just sitting on the bed, which I instantly recognized, I had been for the last 5 minutes.
“Don’t smoke that weed around the cat.” she said.

“I smoke weed around the cat all the time.” The cat continued to ignore me and began ignoring my girlfriend. Smartest fucking creature in the whole house if you ask me, that cat. We could all learn a lesson from that cat.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 105303
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 34
Published: May 22, 2020	Views: 681
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Alone (16)