DOSE:

5 hits

smoked

Acacia confusa

(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

185 lb

My drug experience prior to this experience was very wide. I've experimented with psychedelics, uppers, downers, dissociatives, delirients, etc. etc.; DMT had been high on my list of things to try, but seemed to be forever out of reach. One day, after years of searching, I came into posession of several grams of the chemical.

It was not in pure form. Having been extracted from Acacia Confusa, and not further recrystallized, it would have also contained either NMT or DMT-n-oxide (there seems to be some debate about some of the active alkaloids of Acacia Confusa), and probably a little bit of plant oils; more of a jungle spice than straight DMT.

Over the course of the following weekend I smoked it several times each day, slowly getting the hang of the freebase pipe , as well as dosage. I do not have a scale, so I generally just tossed a little in the pipe and smoked until I felt like stopping. These experiences were wonderful, and the drug quickly made my list of favorites. I had yet to experience a full on breakthrough dose though.

Eventually I decided to try to break through. Since I couldn't measure the weight of my doses, I followed a friend's advice and smoked till I could no longer see the pipe. After a good 4 or 5 hits, it began to get incredibly difficult to heat the pipe. It seemed misshapen and I could no longer judge distance or time properly. I wound up heating it for way longer than necessary, and wound up with the largest hit I'd ever taken out of a pipe.

Immediately everything changed. I lost track of the pipe in the chaos. I died. My body began going through chemical reactions turning into something in between ash and coal. The coal was thrown into a nuclear reactor. My body returned. This happened again and again, all the while I was having a harder and harder time rationalizing what I was experiencing. At first I told myself that I was just on drugs. Then I would forget about the drugs. Then I would think it was the drugs killing me, even though I knew rationally that I could not have possibly overdosed, and that my body would not do that even if I had died.

Eventually everything slowed down. I stopped dying and being disintegrated, and temporarily forgot about the entire come up, as well as the fact that I had taken a drug. I felt separate from my body, in a way that I cannot describe. I could not rationalize my state of being. I knew that it was not a dream, but that it was also definitely not my waking state of consciousness. I began to vaguely recollect the come up, and determined that I had died.

I tried to figure out what could have killed me. I had been in good health. I remembered the DMT that I had smoked, but it felt like so long ago that I didn't make the connection that I was still high. I thought that maybe the extraction had been done wrong, that it came out toxic. I felt that that was definitely it. I thought that I should warn people about it, so that no one would make the same mistake, and then remembered that that was impossible because I had died.

This got me thinking about other things that I would not be able to do. I had been preparing to start my first year of college. I thought about my girlfriend, and my family. I realized that I would never see them again, and was horrified at how they would feel when they found out what had happened.

I went back and forth between denial and acceptance. With the level of time dilation that I was experiencing, I felt that I had already been in this state for hours and accepted that it was real. I let go of these feelings, this longing to be alive. I let go of all of the things I had cared about in life and decided that I was ready to move on.

I came to a black, swirling void. In the center, three massive, rectangular tablets towered over my head. They pulsated with psychedelic patterns. I perceived them as a singular being, that also was the void that I was in. I wasn't sure what this place could be. It felt like a liminal place between life and death. I had not fully moved on yet, but I had left the land of the living. I understood that this represented a transition in my existence.

It began to dawn on me that I could not continue to exist in this state. That I would have to be destroyed to complete the process of death. This being's function was to annihilate me.

My body began the same chemical reaction as during the come up. It started in my fingertips, and slowly began to consume my entire body. I struggled against it, tried desperately to cling to my existence, but it was in vain. Eventually, I was reduced to ashes, which my consciousness still clung to. The ashes fell away into nothing, and I had nothing left to hold onto. The void disappeared, and I was alone, still existing in some form. What was left of my consciousness slowly began to disintegrate, my subjective experience was phased out. The entirety of my experience was reduced to a shrinking field of static, and eventually that too disappeared, and I ceased to exist.

I began to feel something vaguely familiar. It seemed as if it had been an eternity since I had felt it, but I knew I had felt it before. It was me slowly coming back into existence. I began to feel my body again. I started to realize that somehow I was alive. I began to see the room again, and realized that that whole experience was just a DMT trip. I checked the time, only 10 minutes had gone by.

The next 5 – 10 minutes, I still felt like I was on a bucketload of acid, and it seemed to take hours to go by. I was so grateful to have come down from that. I for the first time truly appreciated my existence in full. I had never been so happy to be alive. I texted my girlfriend to tell her I loved her.

While I was coming down, I got a strong urge to destroy the DMT. I felt like no one should ever experience what I had just experienced. I decided against it though. In truth, I was grateful for the experience. It was the most profound thing I had ever experienced, and I realized that it had changed how I thought about my life and my very existence in a positive way.

It has been a week since the experience, and I have not smoked DMT since. I plan to one day, but I have no desire to use it in a casual, recreational fashion. I am humbled, and have found a deep respect for the power of this chemical.

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 106600
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Jun 11, 2020	Views: 1,289
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Acacia confusa (664) : General (1), Alone (16)