DOSE: T+ 0:00	3 hits	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)
T+ 0:00		smoked	Cannabis
T+ 0:00	1 cig.	smoked	Cannabis
T+ 10:00		smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes
T+ 10:00	20 - 30 mg	smoked	DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

Sunday, January 27th, 2013

This is a day that will be forever burned into my memory. I owe who I am to this experience.

I began my day by ingesting 3 hits of average strength LSD that was laid onto white on white blotter. After ingesting the tabs, I was picked up by my friends, who often accompanied me as sober trip companions. Walking through a snow covered park, we came upon a lending library box. There were a selection of books in the box, most interestingly a worn copy of an erotic novel. Being a group of teenage boys, we chose the erotica to entertain us on the day’s journey. Tracing the empty streets of an upper-middle class neighborhood in our town, we took turns reading aloud sections of the book, laughing profusely in-between lines of prose. In front of us now is a steep drop-off that leads down to Lake Erie. We see three men shoveling the name of a website into the snow-covered ice. “What a waste of an idea that could be used to spread meaningful information,” I remark, 'we should be doing that.' Shortly after, one of our friends decides to walk home, as he has to wake up for work very early the next day. The remaining three of us go back to our friend’s Honda Accord, ready to smoke large amounts of cannabis and enjoy the rest of our day, seeing all the sights our dismal, frozen city has to offer. As an aside, the friend who owned the car did not drink, smoke or take drugs at this time. He simply loved driving, and was fully content to see us get high while he carted us around.

During the car ride I peaked on the acid. Beautiful visuals, that I have not experienced since, revealed themselves to me. Streams of blue and purple wrapped themselves around my hands, twisting and flowing like electric smoke. Words fell out of my mouth like syrup, “guys this is amazing,” I said in a drawn-out, euphoric tone. They laughed at how intoxicated I was, remarking that I seemed so normal just minutes before. The rest of the trip was fairly unremarkable, a good six or seven hours has now passed since dosing. After buying another $20 worth of flower, my friend drove me home and we all parted ways.

At this point, I retreat to my room to begin my usual post-acid ritual of watching movies until I can sleep. As I finish watching Natural Born Killers, I realize that I am still feeling the waves of the LSD ebbing and flowing. It has now been roughly ten hours since I ingested the tabs, “I must be on the last wave,” I think to myself. I remember reading earlier in the week that it is easier to break through on DMT, if you are already tripping. I have been trying to break through on DMT for the past month or so, so I decide that since I had a great day, and that I am already tripping, it would be a perfect time to go the whole way.

I smoke a cigarette while I contemplate what I hope to get out of this trip, occasionally pausing to knock the ash into my bowl, to use as a bed for the DMT. A naive thought hits me, “I want to see what the shamans do.” This is to be my intention, to fully imbibe what I believed would be a shamanic experience. Looking back, this was not all that callow a goal. Having finished the cigarette, I make a hole in the mound of ash, load 20-30mg of white, fluffy DMT into the center, and cover the crystalline powder with a thick layer of ash.

A forest green Bic is in my hand, with a steady flame coming from its mouth. I hold the fire roughly an inch and a half above the bowl. I gently inhale and pull the flame towards the ash. Being overly cautious to not scorch the DMT, I take one hit and hold the vapor in. It tastes like mothballs, but there is little tactile sensation. As I exhale, the edges on all the objects in the room begin to soften. The world around me affects a hyper-real appearance, as if I am in a highly advanced computer simulation. I take another hit and hold it in. The air in the room feels like it has been sucked out, giving way to a sensation of extreme visual acuity. There is now immense optical sharpness to the hyper-real appearance of the room. I look around and think, “I need to take one more hit if I am going to get there.”

Determined, I flick the spark wheel of the Bic and bring the flame down onto the ash, burning some of the the DMT as I take a third and final hit. “Oh shit, that was definitely the one,” I remark internally, as the taste of burnt shoes fills my mouth. The vapor burns the back of my throat, but surprisingly I do not cough. The booming, whirring carrier tone begins ringing in my ears, increasing and decreasing in pitch as it whines on. I hold in the hit and immediately my field of vision extends to an enormous degree. It is like modifying the FOV parameter in the old Quake games. The music coming from my headphones follows my vision, quickly extending away from me until I am unable to hear it, only to slowly return along with my normal vision. I panic due to the intense nature of the hallucination, “Fuck fuck fuck I don’t think I’m ready for this.” Having never experienced such a powerful hallucination, I immediately knew that I was in over my head. Too late, I bought the ticket, and now it was time for the ride.

The objects of my room, and the room itself began to change colors. Each item in the room, the spaces on the floor around the rug, the television and its stand, the rug, the door, the dresser, the desk were washed with a single, solid color. It is like someone is using the paint bucket tool in MS Paint, applying new colors to everything. After a few cycles, everything is now the same nonexistent color, with embossed lines, that are reminiscent of a printed circuit board, running through the surface. The color is both yellow and red at the same time.

The room recedes back, giving an immense space to the area. The walls, floor and ceiling all begin to sprout partitions from their centers. These partitions look like little walls jutting from the centers of the spaces. A systematic process begins where the partitions recede back into the surfaces, and pop back up in a different area, giving the appearance of this group of walls circling the room as they pop in and out. It feels like I am in a turbine as the room quickly folds and unfolds.

I am hit with an intense sensation of nostalgia, I recognize this DMT space as a world where I have spent many lifetimes. I realize that I do not feel the need to breathe anymore. As the room slowly stops folding, I am made aware of the object that was once my dresser, which is now just a rectangular protrusion from the wall, covered in the same yellow-red, embossed material. I stand up and make my way over to the object. Cartoony, anime-esque eyes appear above it. For the first time, The Announcer makes her presence known. I hear her exclaim over the telepathic intercom, “EGO DEATH, THAT’S RI-IGHT” in a shrill, singsongy tone. The words “ego death” appear over the dresser’s head, they flash with a series of different colors. “Ego death? What the fuck is ego death?!” I think to myself. In reality, I had read of the phenomenon before, but I did not grasp the concept, so hearing it used in such a matter-of-factly manner was a slap in the face at the time.

There was now a doorway in the room that previously had four solid walls. With the carrier tone still wailing, I make my way out of the yellow-red, embossed room into a hallway. The hallway is also an imaginary color, only this color is both maroon and teal at once. There is golden ivy filigree covering the walls. It is pulsing and flowing like your average psychedelic visuals, which stand in stark contrast to the sharp, defined nature of the DMT world. The hallway feels like it belongs in a Victorian era hotel, with very ornate and beautiful accoutrements. The hallway makes a left turn up ahead. As I come upon the turn, there is not a right angle where the interior wall of the hallway would be. Rather, there is doorway cut into where the sharp angle should be.

I make my way to the threshold and stand at the opening of the room. In the center of the massive room, there is a gigantic, floating ball of entities. The beings look like they’re wearing maroon-teal Morphsuits, with the same golden ivy pattern flowing on them as is on the walls. The entities are all split in half, they’re either torsos and heads, or hips and legs. The split bodies are all crawling over each other, forming a massive undulating orb, like a humanoid rubber band ball. I am both awestruck and horrified at this sight.

(It is important to note that this was not a dreamlike experience in the least. I forgot I was even on drugs, this was simply reality as I knew it, it felt one-thousandfold more real than waking life. Another note on the nature of this DMT space, the movement of the entities was both incredibly fast, and very slow at the same time. There was a very rushed feeling to the movement of everything)

While I am standing and gawking, full-bodied entities begin to quickly walk around me through the hallway. They skip forwards and backwards through time as their temporal trails extend in front of them and behind them. The trails remind me of the ones in the movie Donny Darko. I start to take notice of the entities outside of the room, and they begin to pay more attention to me as they briskly walk past. They pass very close to me, almost bumping into me as they make their way down the hall. As more and more go by, I have to keep jumping back to avoid colliding with them. Eventually I am pushed back through a doorway that appeared as I was watching the orb.

The room is brightly colored with cartoony pinks and blues, like a baby’s nursery. There are large hyperspace toys in various areas of the room. I am taken aside by one of the entities, as it holds out its maroon-teal hand to show me something. In its hand are two tiny Morphsuit entities, a pink one and a blue one. My girlfriend's name passes through my head as I glance at the pink one. I intuitively know this to be a representation of ourselves.

The entity then manipulates the blue and pink models to simulate my idealized notion of a perfect life. The models wiggled on each other, imitating sex. A little house appeared in the hand next to them, and the thoughts of a perfect, life-long union between man and woman were telepathically implanted into my mind. A brilliant, golden light appeared in front of me while this play went on. I slowly began to levitate and merged with the light. This was the pinnacle of human existence, I had found it. I was fulfilled, I was loved and accepted wholly and completely and I loved and accepted wholly and completely.

Then it all began to break down. The light faded, the perfect life was gone and I returned back to the floor. The Announcer returned to the telepathic intercom and began to berate me. “You’ve killed your family! You’ve done it now! You really did the big one this time! This is it! You really did it!” Dozens of variations on this message sounded from the loudspeakers in quick succession, all boiling down to one implication, I was going to die.

The entities rushed in and out of the room and began dismantling everything. They threw the hyperspace toys around, broke down all the furniture, tore the brightly colored panels from the walls, floors, and ceilings. There were now black spaces peppered throughout the room, exposing the void behind the thin hyperspace walls. The entities turned and began running towards me. With deft hands they grabbed my personal belongings and tossed them into the void. Clothes that I was not even wearing, but identified with, were ripped off me. My hat, my shoes, my shirts and pants were all gone. I looked down at my hands and saw the last thing I had, that forest green Bic. I grasped onto this lighter with more force than a vice-grip, I poured the essence of my being into that lighter, I was that lighter.

I looked back up and saw one entity standing before me, I knew that it wanted to take me. A million thoughts rushed through me as I pleaded inside my mind, “Please do not let this be the end, I have so much left to do, this can’t be it!” It was the end, though. No matter how hard I wanted to stop it, I was not the one writing this story. In one nimble motion, the entity leapt towards me, playfully snatched the lighter from my hands, and shoved his open hand into my face, pushing me back into the void. A mental image flashed of a single wheat kernel being popped from the head of a wheat stalk.

As I began to fall backwards, The Announcer returned to give her final regards. The last words she said were a very snarky, “Buh-Bye!”

Falling down into the void I am spit out of a neon dragon’s mouth, with the illuminated words “Bye bye” arched over its head.

I am floating in the void for what feels like a timeless increment. I violently come back to my body and immediately rip the headphones off my ears, throw them to the ground and leap up in surprise. I am back in my room, but it still looks like hyperspace, nothing is the way it should be. My blinds are triangles instead of rectangles, I open and close them as I try to force some form of normalcy to return to me. All I can think is that this is my new life, I really had done the big one, and now I do not live in reality. I think of my family, my girlfriend, and my friends, I feel heartbroken, I feel like I let them all down.

A few hellish minutes pass and my room returns to normal. I continue pacing back and forth trying to comprehend what just happened to me, I cannot process any of it. I collapse on the floor and stare at my hands, as I lay in the recovery position for the next 30 minutes. Eventually I get up and resign myself to my bed, where I fall asleep almost instantly.

In two years, I have come a long way towards understanding and accepting what happened to me. I am consumed by the world I saw, and I still think about it almost every day. That world is my home, and one day I will return to embrace my death with open arms.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 106902
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Dec 6, 2021	Views: 1,360
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LSD (2), DMT (18) : Various (28), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3)