DOSE: T+ 0:00	50 mg	oral	Lisdexamfetamine	(capsule)
T+ 15:10	5 mg	oral	Melatonin

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

The end of the semester again approaches. A couple 50mg Vyvanse capsules make their way into my possession because of a good friend. My past experiences with stimulants have been, on the whole, very horrific and negative. I attribute these stories mostly to a couple of factors that severely shaped my livelihood in the past, including: several-year-long battles with life-threatening depression, a propensity to malnourish myself, and a generally-innocent optimism toward drug use. I took stimulants late at night, stayed up entire nights while crying in the dark, and had recurring panic attacks during the experiences. I was weak to comedowns: it would typically start with a willingness to be finished with a stimulant experience after a healthy 4-6 hours: extended release-types did not grant me this luxury, and instead dragged me along in inescapable mania for anywhere to 4-8 more hours. I would start breakdowns/comedowns midway through required work and have to suffer the realizations of seeing myself fail to complete work on time or in a sensible and sober manner.

This final experience was, in a way, a counter to these previously-vicious episodes. Final examinations and term papers were upon us again. Work seemed like a good idea to incorporate for my experience, but not urgent: the following test and paper I reference in the timetable were due/occurring two and three days later, respectively. My goal was to keep myself busy if awareness of my own “speeding” were to stress me, with the added benefit of actually probably doing decent work on stuff I needed to work on anyway. I didn’t feel the need to finish any papers or completely cover 100% of the content I needed to study, which I think helped tremendously. There were other precautions and preparations I made to ensure the experience would not end sourly; I was in an incredibly healthier mental and emotional state at the time of this experience, I proactively bought myself a couple Vitamin-C-rich beverages, I dosed at a time so I’d be out of class to allow me to gain a better grip on the developing effects towards a “peak”, I provided myself ample sleeping hours before and after the experience, and I promised myself that I would try to eat at least once and also regularly drink water (throughout) during the experience.

I take three supplements in the morning due to my condition, they are: Vitamin B9 (folic acid or “folate”), Fish Oil, and Vitamin D3. I also practice mindfulness for 10 or more minutes every day. I typically have one to two cups of green tea a day, but I intentionally avoided the caffeine for this day.

T+0:00 – I take my one 50mg Vyvanse capsule with a hearty amount of cold water. It is 10:15am local time, and I have already attended one class this morning. For some reason, my stool movements were more frequent last night, and I fear this may not synergize with the Vyvanse the way I want it to. My second class is in one hour. I use this time to get that bathroom need out of the way with before I come up.

T+1:45 – I’m exiting my second class, which is a big lecture. I was expecting a useful hour of review for our exam but we only watched an informational-yet-dry documentary. We have seen documentaries from this series before and I never make through them without dozing off. Today was different (as anticipated), and I needed to use the restroom once during the class (inevitably due to the larger amount of water I drank before leaving for class). Effects are still seemingly mild, but I know they are there. Weather right now is mild, and is probably hovering between 45 and 50 degrees Fahrenheit. The air feels fresh but coming out of a stuffy building makes me feel hot and I want to take off my outer jacket.

T+2:15 – It’s 12:30. I’m definitely feeling some behavior-altering effects at this point that become the center of my attention. Before my next class I have about 50 minutes to kill, which is the time window I anticipated to use to evaluate my feelings while coming up. I leave my previous class with relatively high spirits and set out on a bit of a walk to enjoy the fresh air during this time. I am actually stopped and sort of manipulated by a solicitor while in the middle of my large outside campus, and was caught completely off guard. The self-described “monk” gave me a few books and then consequently asked for money (and even after that, a gift card) in exchange and I (as a generally-shy and unassertive person) appease his wishes. After this, not knowing if it was actually legal for this person to be “giving-a-product-and-then-receiving-payment” right in the very heart of my state university campus, I was very troubled and focused on moving away from the area. Perhaps a mixture of my heightened adrenaline and my ashamed/confused feelings of retroactively feeling “ripped-off” or otherwise taken advantage of by this man has clearly upset me. I walk quickly to the building of my next class, take a minute in the washroom to put away the books the man gave me, use the restroom, and then promptly wait in the lecture room for class, using the time alone and sitting still to collect myself somewhat. I open a stick of gum for the upcoming class in anticipation of teeth grinding.

T+3:25 – It is 1:50 now and I have just left my last class – we were let out early. I was very inspired and engrossed during my teacher’s lecture/discussion today, but this amplified interest does not surprise me since I do find the class riveting to begin with. I briskly walk back to my residence and tell myself I should get at least a little bite to eat. I’m totally immersed in the stimulant buzz at this point. Bowel movement #2 occurs, and I can already say that this recurring theme doesn’t do my comfort any favors.

T+4:30 – I’m back safe and contentedly picking away at a sandwich in my room. I start to drink water pretty liberally now and drink one of my citrus-related beverages with my lunch. I’m pretty proud of how composed and acceptant I have been with the developing effects of this experience thus far. I hunker down for what I imagine to be the more mentally-challenging part of this experience: sitting down for a few hours and grinding out a couple pages of the in-depth research essay due in a couple days… without getting totally distracted, anxious, or a mixture of the two.

T+5:00 – It’s 3:15. I pull up a ton of tabs of articles and stuff for my paper and get to work. On one of my trips to the bathroom I see a friend from the floor and we chat a bit – apparently soliciting on campus is not legal and I actually do feel a bit used. I was glad to hear that two of my other friends were stopped by either the same man or a man with the same goal. I felt slightly better since, by one friend and me sharing our experiences, the other friend was prepared to pull away from the man who approached him later in the day.

T+6:00 – I’m experiencing some solid work ethic during this time, but I’m interrupted fairly regularly to use the restroom. Every once and a while I’m stopped by a small chat with someone in the hallway but it all feels good. Earlier some friends had texted me during classes and I paid particular attention not to go full-wall-of-text on them. At this stage of my paper, I’m having to read through articles and other text excerpts for evidence, and while I can do these activities probably quicker than normal, the transitions between getting different kinds of work done and also the transitions between restroom and my room have definitely had some effect on how much I’ve been able to complete at this point.

T+7:15 – It’s 5:30 and I’m solidly engrossed in my work now with no interruptions besides the need to use the bathroom. I’m beginning to realize that this is about the time where my mind would sort of be “done” or exhausted of the drug’s effects – this is where I would occur problems with panic attacks and similar symptoms due to my mind’s tiredness fighting against my body’s still-relentless stimulation. I tell myself that I should, and would, be working on my paper at this time anyway, and just focus on the activities at hand rather than getting myself hung up on the on-edge feelings I’m experiencing. I know I have a couple of hours to go still, but I would be awake during those hours anyway. I chew on some gum throughout this period.

T+9:30 – It’s 7:45. I’ve just gotten texts from a couple friends asking if we all wanted to play an online video game tonight. I review the progress I’ve made and how I’d prefer to spend my night before bed, and I graciously accept. We don’t plan on starting until later though. I have bowel movement #3. I go and get a small meal to bring back to my room to eat. After watching a show while eating (and drinking my orange juice), I save all my work, scribble down some notes for later, and then meet up with my friends on Skype. We all get together around 9:15, 11 hours after ingestion.

T+15:10 – It’s 1:25am and we’ve all logged off after a nice and long session of fun. I haven’t showered tonight yet, so I go and do that and it feels very relaxing. I haven’t really reflected on how I feel yet since I was so involved in the game for so long. I take one of my melatonin 5mg pills.

T+16:00 – It is 2:15am and I’ve had the idea of starting this experience report. I get some of my main thoughts down but then focus on getting to bed. I still feel a buzzing sensation but cannot tell if it’s an exhausted kind of sensation or still a trace stimulation in my body. While it is December here, we’ve had a very mild late fall-early winter period, so I am hot. I take off most of my clothing to cool down before getting under my sheets. I successfully fall asleep sometime around 3:00am.

The next two days I was very acutely aware of the effects of experiencing sober reality again. Things felt generally slightly off, which isn’t too odd for my body and drugs as my mind seems to take much time to readjust to sober life. I find myself clenching my teeth at random moments, which I attribute to my body having made small habits after the experience. That night (morning) I got (assumedly) around 7 ½ hours of sleep which is premium for me during the workweek. I continued my studies and paper-writing that week and got everything accomplished in a fairly punctual and tactful fashion.

I’ve concluded I can finally close my history with stimulants. In the past I swore several times to myself and my close friends that I would not do stimulants again after my numerous very negative experiences, but I later reconsidered when I realized just how many precautions I blatantly failed to take. The decent amount of work I accomplished, alongside the closure I was able to get with stimulants, justifies this last experience I’ve had. The only things I particularly regret from the experience are not having magnesium available to me for the experience and also getting sort of thrown off by the solicitor around midday. I still experienced too many sensations of uneasiness, mild anxiety, and discomfort for me to enjoy it, or even get decent work done for that matter.

Exp Year: 2014	ExpID: 107521
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Sep 21, 2022	Views: 828
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Lisdexamfetamine (589) : Performance Enhancement (50), General (1), Personal Preparation (45), School (35)