DOSE:

7 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

The date is May 18, 2010. I had just turned 16, and for my birthday, I wanted to get myself some 'recreational substance' to have some fun with. So naturally, I texted one of my friends and asked what he had in stock. He said he had some marijuana and some xanax, I wasn't interested. But then, he said something that would have changed my life forever. He said that he had 'shrooms in stock. I had delightfully replied saying that I would most certainly love to try them.

We organized and the next morning I picked up 2 eighths for $70. I had not tried anything of the tryptamine class in my life, so as you could imagine I was very excited. I consider myself to be fairly experienced with substances with a wide range of things taken. I have experimented with deliriants such as diphenhydramine and scopolamine from the local Devil's Bloom that grows around here. I have also tried dextromethorphan on several occasions, as well as Xanax and several opiates such as codeine, oxycodone, hydromorphone, etc. I am also a near-daily smoker of cannabis.

So I am at school, with the two-eighths sitting in my backpack, I could barely hold in my excitement. It finally came time for me to go home, and promptly when I got home, I decided to do some pre-tripping research. Satisfied with what I had found, I decided to take them once and for all, all at once. All 7 grams at once. As my very first time ever trying mushrooms, or any tryptamine class drug for that matter. I did not know this until my life-changing experience was over.

I had ingested all 7 grams while I was in the bathroom, enjoying my after-school bathroom break. After this, I had decided to go back to my room and play some game as the come up was slowly building. The come up had actually taken only 30 minutes for me to feel some effects. I had known this when I was playing, I was about to shoot at an enemy soldier on the opposite side, I had apparently glimpsed into his mind and saw the terror in his eyes as he saw the flash from my gun. He had felt a brief moment of agonizing pain before going limp, never to be living again. After this, I was in a state of remorse, pity almost for the soldier I had just killed. After this, I realized the severity of the effects to come. I had immediately gotten off of my console to sit down and observe the effects.

15 minutes after the encounter with the soldier I had killed, I was laying on my bed, looking up at the ceiling, observing the visual distortions slowly getting more and more intense. At this point I was extremely intrigued, and excited for the trip to come. I went to go to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw that my eyes were fully dilated. Panicking, I decided to hop into the shower to gain my wits back. Unfortunately, I would not be functional for at least 6 hours after this point. Once I was inside of the shower, and got the water temperature just right, I was extremely relaxed and pleasured. The body high from the psilocybin was orgasmic, it was pure bliss. Divine almost.

I sat in the shower, enjoying myself for the next 45 minutes. The effects slowly got more and more intense, until reaching the climax where every single one of the effects hit me at light speed. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before. Before I knew it, I was immersed in some of the most intense open eye visuals I had ever seen, fractals, geometric shapes, mayan, aztec, incan symbols everywhere. It was phenomenal. At this point, I had reached a state of absolute satori, or enlightenment. I looked upon my bare, naked, alien body and wondered in awe: 'How, how do I exist? How was this created?' I looked upon my hand, it looked so alien, so foreign, it could have been from another world. I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life at this very moment.

I then closed my eyes, and saw something of an entirely new magnitude. I ascended and descended from millions of different planes of existence and non-existence. I reverted and traveled trillions upon trillions of years into the past and into the future, catching a glimpse of the beautiful beginning and ending of the known Universe. This was not the peak. Not even close.

After my first shower experience, I decided to get out and go back to my room. I quickly got dressed and headed back to my room, where I promptly laid down onto my bed. I had an extremely hard time recognizing what anything was, because I had simply forgotten what they were. I was only inside of that bathroom for 45 minutes, but it seemed I was inside of there for an eternity, for hundreds of trillions of years. I assumed I had forgotten what everything was. Unfortunately, among these things I had forgotten was myself, and my ego. I laid down onto my bed. and completely unaware of it, I descended into a state of pure objectivity. I was shredded of my subjectivity, I was shredded of my ego. Everything that defined me as a subjective, sentient human was gone. I had reached a point of stasis. I had reached a point of total destruction, annihilation, and obliteration of my ego. Simply put, I had reached the state that all psychonauts covet: ego death.

I am not sure how much time progressed during this point, as time had no meaning. Time is a social and subjective construct of humanity. Such constructs had no meaning, no definition, no apparency to me during this time. I was neither male nor female, but rather I was neutral. I was a omniscient being, everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I was one with the Universe. I possessed all knowledge known in the Universe. I traversed every known location in the known Universe, and then some. I ventured past the 94 billion light years encompassing this Universe, crossing the boundary separating this Universe from the apparent nothingness ahead, into the white void of super-heated plasma, and there I had found it. The true definition of everything, the absolutely correct definition of everything and anything.

Such knowledge could bring an end to this existence of the known Universe. It was so divine, so terrible, so horrifying.... so real. I had seen everything for what it truly was, and it had depressed me, so much that it was pure emotion. Pure raw emotion that the Universe had not seen the likes of. Deep, deep sobbing, the purging of all grief known, eventually gave way to the acceptance of the current reality at hand. An unknown entity had come forth and had given me two choices; the choice of going with him, and living as a part of the inner Universe or go back to where I had came from. It had explained to me that I could change my choice whenever I wanted to. I decided to go with it, and venture into the inner part of the Universe. As soon as I did this, all of my worries had disappeared. This warm sense of acceptance had washed over me. The entity had accepted me as one of their own. There is no way, no explanation, no word that can possibly describe the experiences that followed, only that it was sacred, divine, unseen and unheard of in this existence. Soon after this experience, I decided that I had to go back from where I had come from, hoping that whoever was back at the place I had come from would accept me back. I shared a heartfelt goodbye with my friend/entity, and told it that I had to return. It had allowed me, but asked if I would return again. I replied that I would. I hope that I would.

I found myself sitting on a mysterious contraption (which was my bed), unknown of where I was (my room). I felt so alone, I felt abandoned. The coldness of the world I had returned to had washed over me, conquering me. I regretted leaving my friend behind, but I knew it was the right thing to do. After this horrible realization, I decided it would be best for me to simply stay there, and wither away into nothingness. I continued to go through endless cycles of death and rebirth, slowly gaining my memories back. Time passed, God knows how much time had passed, and I found myself sitting on my bed, with my subjective memories flooding back over me. I gasped with relief, happy that my experience was over. It had only been 4 hours. 4 hours. That is not possible, it simply is not possible. I was gone for what seemed to be eternities upon eternities.

The day after this experience, I had a profound appreciation for the simplest things. My reality was changed on everything. Simply put, I was happy again. I did not fear anything. Everything is predestined, waiting to happen. Everything happens for a reason. Looking back now, I am glad that I was given that opportunity from my friend who had given me those mushrooms, as it had truly opened my eyes, and forced me to accept the harsh but true reality of life. Good luck tripping my friends, may you find enlightenment.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 108563
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 16
Published: Aug 22, 2022	Views: 2,212
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Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)