DOSE: T+ 0:00	900 mg	oral	Pharms - Lithium	(daily)
T+ 0:00	500 mg	oral	Pharms - Divalproex	(daily)
T+ 0:00	50 mg	oral	Pharms - Sertraline	(daily)
T+ 0:00	900 mg	oral	Pharms - Gabapentin	(daily)
T+ 0:00	10 mg	oral	Pharms - Olanzapine	(daily)
T+ 0:00	275 mg	oral	DXM	(liquid)
T+ 0:00	repeated	oral	Pharms - Propylhexedrine	(liquid)
T+ 7:49	45 mg	oral	Pharms - Olanzapine	(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

190 lb

I am a fairly experienced drug user; whether illicit, pharmaceutical, natural, or research, I've pretty much done it all. I am 26 years old 190lbs and have been diagnosed bi-polar 1 with psychotic features. I am prescribed 900mg lithium, 500mg Depakote, 50mg Zoloft, 900mg Gabapentin, and 10mg Zyprexa daily.

I had been clean for over six months until I relapsed and started a vicious cycle all over like a beast inside me had awoken. Feeding the beast as of two weeks has led me to a revisit a few substances such as alcohol, DXM, Paxil, and nicotine, as well as overdose on my Zoloft and Gabapentin. Benzedrex, or propylhexedrine, I remembered, is quite a journey, so this is the story of my escapade.

11:00am
(two weeks into relapse)
I'm looking up ways to get high when I am supposed to be helping my stepdad do some work. He is not satisfied with my ethics. He tells me I can be helpful to him by taking a long bike ride. I oblige. I grab my bike and spring into action. What can I do with my little bit of money? As far as I remember, Benzedrex is quite nice and it sounds fun to try it again - I've only done it once before (250mg). I make my way to the store. I buy one, but I have been told it is bad to consume the cottons, so I grab me some lunch and head over to the dollar store to get a drink. While I am there I decide I can also get some DXM in non-tussin cough syrup for a buck. This day is gonna be fun. I take the Benzedrex cotton and slip it into my soda. Now to kill some time while it soaks.

1:00pm
I make my way to the park and down only 3/4 of the bottle of DXM; I want to be able to function if I need to be around my mom and stepdad. I make my way back toward the neighborhood when it occurs to me that 250mg of Benzedrex might not be enough for my taste (I like to get the most out of my highs). I certainly, however, would not consume 500mg without investigation first. I find myself some wifi and research that 2 cottons is a suitable dose. I ride back to the store to get another one, which I add to the soda to let it soak.

1:45pm
Starting to feel a little weird and such from the DXM, spacey and numb. At that moment I decide to drink the propylhexedrine concoction, but not without first consulting a friend about my addictive nature. I describe to her how I feel and how my substance consumption has been a little out of control. I panic when she tells me I should consider a rehab, for I spilled my heart about how I had been using a lot and overdosing on my medications; so we agree that a dual-diagnosis program might be good for me. I make my way to wifi and research who I can call.

2:07pm
Had a talk with a nice lady about possibly resolving my mental health/ substance abuse issues. Going to have a crisis team call me. It feels like I've gone too far, yet feeling pretty up there. A little shaky. Don't know how this will end. Onset seems intense. Going to have a granola bar now before I lose my hunger.

2:35pm
Get on my bike and ride to a friends house. Get there and immediately start playing her piano. Feels nice, but there are many delusions. I think I have overdosed and am playing my own funeral music. The paranoia grows as I begin to think I am being cited and that my friend is really the police. It seems like people are under the home planting bombs to send me to the grave. I then think that time is on super fast-forward and that there was a time lapse; that I am really a criminal so out of my mind that I can't remember what I had done. I think I'm facing serious jail time.

4:49pm
Great euphoria and very focused. We'll see if this gets any more intense. I anticipate yes. Head very spacey. Body very light. Slight tingly feeling.

4:55pm
Ask my friend if it's okay for me to take a shower. Rubbing head feels soooo good, but way too greasy. Need a nice soft plush. Body high incredible. Tingles and very pleasant to the touch. She agrees.

5:05pm
A-mazing! Water felt so good on my skin. High definition droplets lined the shower walls. Incredible that this is OTC.

5:15pm
Getting stronger by the minute. My head is buzzing. Starting to get a little nervous, teeth clenching/ chattering. Intense body high, still feeling very light. Feeling like there is an eminent peak. Things are sharp and a little wavy. Most of the DXM has worn off, and the paranoid delusional thoughts are completely gone.

5:50pm
Just realized that the very good short convo I had engaged in with a friend lasted thirty minutes. Now onto my bicycle to go home. The breeze feels amazing. Life is so wonderful and I love what my body is feeling. Teeth a little chattery still; deep breathing feels spectacular.

7:13pm
I disappear into my bedroom and hook up my speakers so the base is behind my head and one is on each side of me as I lay down. I put on some of my favorite hardstyle and enjoy each sound as it stimulates my whole body. I have no desire to dance, I just wanna feel good. The vibrations are creating emotions within me that stir deep empathy with the music. I scratch myself on my arms and receive a rush of thrilling sensations that spread throughout my whole body. Awesome... I can see vague outlines of translucent beings dancing in the room. The music continues to fuel the euphoria and I receive waves of pleasure that caress me until finally I can't take anymore...

7:48pm
I put the music away and return to the living room to spend time with my family. Afterwards I decide to take a nice walk.

9:10pm
Get back home, my mother invites me to watch a movie; I decline.
I make my way to the bedroom and start counting pennies. Roll after roll until I have just enough money to ride down to the store to get more Benzedrex. Skin still sensitive I scratch myself again and savor the excitement. I get to the store and get my needed materials. 2 propylhexedrine 250mg and a 2 liter of soda. I get to the counter and say to the girl, 'This is gonna be fun, I'll be paying in pennies.' She gets a kick out of it for sure. Line is backed up, customers wondering what's up with the dude in red pants paying in pennies.... Considering rehab on the real. I finish and ride down the road to make my delicious concoction. I drink a little soda, then pour most of it out until there's maybe a fifth left. I put the cottons into the soda and ride home.

11:46pm
Just had a nice conversation with my friend. Talkative and aware. Wide awake still. Letting the stuff soak so I can take it in the morning. Really looking forward to it. Can't sleep, rest my eyes and lay awake with almost blank focus; not really thinking much; just enjoying the ride.

3:00am
I may have slept for about 15 minutes, but I'm awake, bored and It's been 4 hours since I started the concoction so now is a good time, and I should be just fine. Bitter! Wow. Much stronger than the stuff earlier. I'm on an empty stomach and this time I put the cottons in my mouth with water to suck out the goods. We'll see how I feel in a few hours. I'm anticipating an adventure.

4:06am
Starting to get a little shaky. Heart is beating very fast. This is just the beginning. Teeth chattering returns. Sat down to draw a picture; too nervous. Very nervous skin. Buzzing in brain. Listening to some good music while I wait for the sun to come up.

4:33am
Something happened.... Everything looks like heat waves. Starting to get that super focused thing going. Yet I relax. Disappearing into my cozy blanket is soooooo gooooood. Much more intense than the previous. I feel pretty much invincible. Had a moment of tearless sorrow. Sad... It's almost like everything is melting away. I feel so peaceful and calm. Very lackadaisical. Wanna get up, but I am perfectly content just laying here. But I wanna go! It's calling to me... The great outdoors. I will not shut my eyes. Allowing my mind to drift might not be a good idea,  especially with all the paranoia I'm feeling. Dark shadow figures are in my peripheral.

5:35am
Finally decided I had to leave the house. Took a nice walk. Went back to my mother's house, sat down and tripped. The house 'had been rigged with bombs and I couldn't save my mother. There were armored trucks with turrets ready to fire on me if I made a wrong move.' I am scared, remorseful, and just want my family to be safe. All the grandfather clocks 'are loaded and armed with c4, and I've been served my last meal.'

6:31am
Thinking about how to escape.

6:37am
Piano - can't play the keys 'cause it'll blow.

6:54am
I look at the reflection in the mirror - 'certainly there is a powerful mind distortion specialist in the fridge who takes the inmate photos.' It seems like I'm in a jail cell dreaming big while all this happens.

7:10am
Journaling - 'I have to write out my plea for the judge to prepare myself for the trial.'

7:38am
Family is okay, delusions are done. Not feeling a come down yet; although I'm not peaking either. My stomach is rumbling like crazy, and I'm not hungry at all. I'll be back to normal soon enough. But I think that's about all I want to mention.

8:49am
Thinking again; probably peaking; being around my family is awkward. I don't wanna crash; pop nine Zyprexa 5mg so I can pass out.

9:03am (next day)
Alright. Feeling fine. Slept great. No grogginess or depression. Life goes on as usual.

6:05pm
Tingles almost all day and wondering when this will wear off. Thinking is hard, I'm studdering a little.

9:07pm
Took my regular meds as prescribed. Done with this whole relapse thing for a little while.

Alright, so overall, I had a good experience. Mixed, but good. There was much more positive than negative - most of which comes from my mental illness. The Zyprexa definitely carried me through any sort of come-down, but sleeping for nearly 24 hours pretty much ought to do that. Perhaps I'll try this again, it reminds me of my glory days. Wasn't expecting what I got; certainly worth the money.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 109192
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Dec 7, 2018	Views: 2,661
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DXM (22), Pharms - Propylhexedrine (389), Endogenous (86) : Combinations (3), Alone (16)