DOSE:

1 capsl

oral

St. John's Wort

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

I've been pretty depressed and anxious most of my life, plus I've struggled with OCD more than I like to admit to myself. These issues really have pervaded my existence for at least twenty years.

Recently, I left a long-term abusive relationship where my partner at the time was telling me all kinds of horrible things about myself, and I was agreeing with him! After getting the heck out, I began to face the question of why I allowed myself to be treated that way, and began vigorously analyzing my life all the way back to my childhood. My mother is insane with anxiety and has narcissistic tendencies. It's been difficult to face the reality that she was the person with whom I had my very first interpersonal interactions, and that relationship is the template on which all my relationships have been based....

In the process of this contemplation, I began to fully acknowledge that my everyday mood is pretty low. Sometimes I have memories of how I felt as a child, and it felt better. There's a lot of talk about serotonin and depression, and I think serotonin, or lack thereof, (or lack of reception) has got a lot to do with my mood. In my wild years, I have dabbled with LSD and mushrooms, and have come to recognize 'that serotonin feeling' even in the course of everyday life. I suspect that people who are not depressed have just got a little more of 'that serotonin feeling.'

I don't mean that 'that serotonin feeling' is a feeling of 'tripping,' it's more the feeling of coming up or down on one of those aforementioned psychedelics, when I have felt an elevated feeling that is not beyond the way I might naturally feel without those drugs. I sometimes get it when I am totally un-drugged, if my day is going well. Another example is if I suddenly eat a big amount of sugar. It's hard to describe, but I'll use the example of looking at a tree and really appreciating it. I enjoy looking at plants and nature in general, but when I'm feeling 'that serotonin feeling,' I really feel a mental energy to appreciate the structure of the tree, and the rules it used to grow, and how it responded to its environment. When I do not feel 'that serotonin feeling,' I am prone to look at the tree with an attitude of, 'bleh, it's just some tree.'

So I decided I should give St. John's Wort a try. I was nervous about the lack of regulation of herbal supplements. I went to Whole Foods and got an organic, relatively expensive version, figuring that if it is certified organic by the USDA there must have been SOME kind of oversight to its production. The bottle said to take three pills a day and I only took one a day, thinking I was being conservative, starting four days ago. I expected that it would take perhaps a few weeks to have any effect. WRONG. I suspect those typical SSRI guidelines are more for behavior, not how the drug makes you feel. Once you start to feel good, it might take a few weeks for you to figure out how to wash and put away all your dirty dishes and laundry and declare yourself less depressed.

I am experienced at recognizing 'that serotonin feeling.' I can say that in the last few days I have been looking at a lot of trees and thinking they are absolutely wonderful.

I'm not feeling so comfortable with this drug, actually. The first day of taking it felt amazing, I felt a sense of immense peace and happiness wash over me.

But the half-life of St. John's Wort is actually quite long and I feel it has built up in the last few days. Now it feels too much like the end of an exhausting acid trip. I can see the flicker of electric lights and I just feel kind of...a little too much of that 'serotonin feeling.' Me, I think I will save this one for very occasional use. I'm not sure I like how it has built up, and will take perhaps a week to leave my system (although this could be very beneficial as well, as ups and downs will not happen quickly). I tried this before trying a prescription drug, since there are fewer obvious side-effects. It definitely is a real drug!

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 109965
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Jan 31, 2020	Views: 4,432
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St. John's Wort (142) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), First Times (2), General (1), Not Applicable (38)