DOSE:		oral	Alcohol	(daily)
			Cannabis
			MDMA
			SSRIs

t0:00 - December 31st 1999, its 8PM, and our Millennium New Years Party is flowing.

t+4:00 - New Years 2000! What a rush. The neighbours set of some humungous fireworks, one pushes its pole out of the ground and goes rocketing round our houses with everyone diving for cover.

t+8:00 - I'm drowsing and cuddled up with a girl I've been in love with for ages, I'm blissfully happy.

t+10:00 - the next day, I'm coming down, hard. To stem to losses I decided to redose. I take a large bath, light a huge cuban cigar and sit in the bath for around 3 hours, slowly drinking a bottle of red wine while reading a book. Once again I'm blissfully happy.

t+24:00 - redose, to stave off the madness that lies beneath

t+72:00 - somehow I have had the epiphany that I need never suffer the days-long depression of bad hangovers I used to have and can simply drink through them. There is still mountains of undrunk beer from the vast party.

t+336:00 - I'm back at work and drinking every night, I'm more social, making new friends, having a great time. I get into music in a big way, party a lot, mix my drinking habit with weed, MDMA and other junk

t+10000:00 -I'm doing OK, my redose is nightly, just four drinks most nights more on a weekend

t+40000:00 - It occurs to me I'm somewhat dependent on my nightly beer. Most of the time, it isn't a problem

t+80000:00 - I'm aware I'm a full blown alcoholic. I'm still holding down a job, and almost never drink in the day. The hangovers are terrible, my anxiety is bad and I have a new habit - SSRI anti-depressants. The colour of my shit isn't great.

t+120000:00 - I'm out of work, drinking large quantities of 'tramp cider' and living in my filthy house. My shit now looks awful. I've aged.

t+131,400:00 - My redose was huge tonight. I decide to watch Requiem for a Dream, a film which made me morbidly depressed when I first watched it. I fall asleep and have an incredible psychosis dream that is like a full blown LSD trip. (In it, a future portent of an event that is to take place a few weeks later is resolved so clearly I write it down later, and when it comes true my girlfriend is astonished.) I wake feeling something is off and that the Sun will not rise. As it gets later I am more and more convinced the Sun will not rise and that I am dead.

Finally I have the biggest panic attack I have ever had and just barely manage to drive to my girlfriend's house. I lie on her bed having convulsions. My girlfriend tells me her boss can get me to a treatment center. I accept, gladly, willingly. I drink once more that night, it is to be my last.

I spend time in treatment after a pleasant Librium detox and have not drunk for almost 2 years now.

My trip was mostly positive, with a sour tail off, I think I _may_ have overdone it just a little. Try a lower dose, and space it out a bit.

Exp Year: 1999	ExpID: 110051
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Feb 25, 2017	Views: 3,282
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Alcohol - Hard (198), Alcohol - Beer/Wine (199) : Various (28), Hangover / Days After (46), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)