DOSE:

708 mg

oral

DXM

(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

122 lb

My mental condition going into this trip was a pretty unique one. Essentially, a friend had just talked me out of killing myself, and we were going back to where she lived, about a six hour drive from our present location. In part to avoid the drive's intense boredom, and partly to deal with how insane my life was becoming just then, I bought two bottles of robomax, 708mg of DXM total, which is about exactly 13mg/kg, and was more than I've ever tried. I went through what seemed like an interminable attempt to drink the filthy stuff--this was the first of six or seven times, and the taste had never bothered me before--but eventually got all of it down.

About half an hour later, I noticed that the sky was getting markedly darker. DXM tends to make my night vision worse, so I assumed the first effects were coming on. However, this was coincidentally happening during sunset, so it was tough to tell from such simple effects. My memory of the entire night, and the first half of the next day, is completely awful, so there'll be many gaping holes in the plot, and I'm not sure exactly what order events occurred in, other than what I can piece together from locations, as there was a 6-hour road trip involved.

After a while I remember us stopping at a gas station. She bought gas, and I think that I tried to give her the $50 in my pocket to cover it (the cost of the fuel was about $10), which she refused. I wandered to the back of the store in the sort of deliberate stumble dex gives me, where there was a sort of craft group (this was NOT a hallucination, crazy as it sounds; my friend verified it later) assembled, making I think some kind of knitting project. I'm not sure if I was imagining this, but I'm convinced they were staring at me, whispering things about me. I picked up some lemonade from the cooler thing, and asked my friend to pay for it, since I didn't seem successful at dealing with money. She was pretty insistent that I go back to the car immediately, and I can pretty much gather that I was acting weird.

By the time she got back, I was curled up and sort of hiding in the side of the car, hyperventilating. The ceiling was sort of imploding on me, but not in the crush-me way, more in an attempt to absorb me and make me part of itself. We drove off, and by that point it was completely dark. Much of the rest of what I remember revolves around light, which would make sense, as it was a dark night on a freeway.

Cars passing would seem like, as I described it, 'the brightest light in the world' (in the literal sense; I remember trying to escape through the window and follow it wherever it would lead me). The visual properties of light were intensely different throughout the experience. Points of light, such as headlights, were elongated into very bright vertical lines. Light would leave trails wherever it moved, and sources of light that I knew to be stationary--stars, for example--left trails as they shot through repeated five- and six-step geometric patterns. The interesting thing was, all points of light went through the same pattern at the same time. I deduced from this that my eyeballs were physically fluttering around in weird patterns (and the DXM was causing me to see tracers), while I remained mentally focused on the same place I was looking at, so I saw the lights 'moving around' inside of my own, fixed, field of view. It made more sense at the time.

Strange feelings would force themselves into my mind, not filed under specific places, a la 'memory of the time I crashed my car last year,' or 'what I think about religion,' but more a general, floating sense of something. Two main examples stood out. One was that I was asleep, or dead, in some kind of ship or vessel, maybe even a container, which was being piloted through dark and uncharted areas by a different person, maybe using a map of some kind. I have no idea why these specific details and pieces stood out.

The other, stronger feeling was much more complex and confusing. It was as follows:

There exists a place, maybe a warehouse/storage house type of functionality. It is lit in a sort of orange color, and it is night there; the orange is rather the color of the lights in a parking lot. Water runs in the streets. This place is where things end up, discarded and unnoticed things. This is where I will go when I die, and maybe when I sleep. A very busy place, many people. One 'main person' was there, and I think I know her--she is definately female--in my life, but I'm not sure exactly who it is, though not the person I was traveling with on the road trip. There was a sense of being-distant, a sense of being-faraway, also a sense of cold, but the sort of cold that you can just ignore and keep walking.

My memories of this place now are sort of forced into bits and pieces of other memories, and they resurface at disturbing times. I can't figure out how to compile and access these memories properly, which could be a problem.

Anyway, much of the rest of the time I spent babbling what I've heard later to be irritating gibberish. I kept looking over at my friend, who appeared at alternate times incredibly beautiful and desirable, or loathsome and terrifying, sort of an archetype of evil. She said several things, but I don't think I really understood them past the point that I could mumble responses. For a while I was trying almost successfully to carry on a conversation, but my speech kept getting trapped in the rhythms of the CD that was playing. I tried switching the music from Beck to Rage Against The Machine (the closest pattern to actual speech of any music we had with us), but I was then unable to make coherent sentences for some reason.

At some point in the trip, she pointed out an actual meteor shower to me, the most impressive thing I've ever seen in my life. If I were a religious person, I'd call it a sign of some sort. I've gone to see meteor showers a few times before, and seen only points of moving light in the sky, nothing impressive, but this was a trail of fire going straight down in front of us and to the left, just like it always looks in the movies--I had no idea those things actually existed in real life! She has since confirmed that this was not a hallucination, it was an actual falling star...incredible coincidence that it would be there just at that time on that day, I guess. I was not as interested in it at the time, however, as I was in the fact that the dashboard could be pushed slightly in if I kicked hard enough.

After enough chatter, I was able to persuade my friend to stop the car and let me out, and proceeded to roll around in the sharp grass. The temperature was about 20 degrees farenheit or so, and I was wearing a t-shirt (and rolling through wet, hard grass stubble), but I was feeling sort of pleasantly warm and comfortable inside. While we were driving, I remember that the car seemed to be moving incredibly slow, even at 80 miles per hour.

The rest of the night and the next day are sort of a faded mess. I remember having little to no sense of taste, but eating anyway. The stimulant effect lasted for only about 24 hours after I first dosed, and I had a deep sense of being sort of amnesiac for the next 36 hours, but I can clearly remember everything that happened after about noon the day after the trip started. The most important thing in my life from now on will have to be the quest to figure out what exactly that abandonment-place was, and how it got into my mind.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 11027
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 28, 2007	Views: 38,671
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DXM (22) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)