DOSE: T+ 0:00	5 mg	sublingual	Pharms - Olanzapine	(daily)
T+ 0:00	10 mg	oral	Pharms - Fluoxetine	(daily)
T+ 0:00		oral	3,4-Dichloromethylphenidate	(daily)
T+ 5:00		oral	4-AcO-DMT
T+ 0:00		insufflated	4-AcO-DMT
T+ 0:00		vaporized	Nicotine

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

[Erowid Note: The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]
Olanzapine (Zyprexa): normal nightly dose 5mg sublingual T -21 hours
Teva-Fluoxetine (Prozac): normal morning dose 10mg oral T -11 hours
3,4-CTMP: ~50mg oral dose to prevent withdrawal T -9 hours
4-ACO-DMT: 1st dose: Unknown, ~5-15mg oral T -4 hours
2nd dose: Unknown, ~100-250mg intranasal T 0 hours
Nicotine: Vapourized 20mg/ml T -9 to 0 hours, T +4:30 hours

This is the story of the most powerful psychedelic experience I have ever had, one that was extremely ill advised but somehow managed to work out with the help of a very kind anonymous person from tripsit IRC. What made this experience very unique and difficult for me was the loss of my body without ego death, as well as what I fully believe was the absolute peak of every possible tactile feeling. It was as if I hit 100% on the built-in capability and inherent semantic knowledge of the human tactile sensory area of the brain at several points. Additionally, the fact that I somehow had perfect open eye clarity while on my tablet was really strange. I strongly advise against dosing this high without a competent sitter and proper preparation and I definitely do not advise eyeballing 4-ACO-DMT or 3,4-CTMP, or mixing it with the drugs above. Additionally, my normal daily dose of 3,4-CTMP is potentially lethal for those without significant tolerance. This could easily have gone very differently and ended in the hospital or in a jail cell.

Background information:

I apologize if this is long, I feel it will help to have a full background of what was in my head going in (it still does not excuse my decisions though). I had been going through an extremely rough patch in life. Having just started university in September in a new city after saving up loads of money, I had unfortunately gotten myself hooked on kratom (30g+ day), codeine (800mg a day), DXM 100-200mg/day, and meth (150mg/day 3-4 sleepless days a week where I did nothing but watch porn) within the first month. I also tripped on LSD 1-2 times a week in doses from 50-300ug and used ketamine intermittently. Despite this I held it together for the whole semester and came out with extremely good grades. In addition, I had a really awesome weekend job, a great place, and a group of extremely good friends who were almost entirely unaware of my drug use. After withdrawing from everything except DXM before Christmas and returning home to visit my parents for a week, I went back to university. Although I managed to stay mostly clean and avoid getting fully addicted again, my mental health was taking a really serious turn for the worse. Despite doing few to no drugs except occasional codeine or kratom, I found myself feeling grandiose, gambling and spending huge money, and staying up for days without feeling tired.

Essentially I was going manic. This culminated with a manic episode in which I was up for 6 days with no sleep, got prescribed amitryptaline 10mg at a walk in clinic, and then blacked out without sleeping. On day 8 when the amitryptaline wore off I became psychotically depressed and had a massive life threatening overdose on LSD, 4-ACO-DMT, 4F-MPH, and 5-MEO-DMT thinking I would become God. I managed to stop the seizures by taking etizolam and then called 911 and got myself to the hospital. That story is for another report though.

After that happened, I was committed for 5 days and diagnosed with bipolar type 1. My parents came out and cleaned up my place. I was prescribed olanzapine 2.5mg, but it was giving me amnesia at school so I stopped taking it after a few days. Two days later (7 days after being released), I went manic again and feeling all-powerful obtained 4-ACO-DMT and took 300mg along with a gratuitous quantity of 3-FPM over the evening prior to dosing. I had a super bad trip with no visuals and I thought I had a stroke when I started coming down because I couldn't talk or read. That is another story for another report. So once again I went to the hospital; this time I got evicted and ended up having to get leave from university. Most of my friends from uni with the exception of one abandoned me completely. I considered suicide, but ended up swallowing my pride and spent a few days at detox before returning home.

Once home I stayed clean for a few weeks then went to rehab where I made a ton of friends and had a great experience. However, I ended up being forced to take 20mg/day of fluoxetine (Prozac) and was limited to only 5mg/day of olanzapine which resulted in extreme mania by week two. At that point I felt so on top of the world and so insatiably restless and powerful that I made up some story about a family emergency and left. Within a couple hours of leaving I obtained a large quantity of 3,4-CTMP and 1g of 4F-MPH. The 4F-MPH was gone in a few days. I began using 3,4 CTMP in recklessly large quantities to stay happy and calm; by the end of week one I was up to 150mg/day. This continued for about a month as I became increasingly depressed and got the frightening side effect of having my aorta visibly jump all over the place in my belly (I was tested and did not have an aneurysm or any heart issues). As it hit a brutally painful peak I decided out of desperation to try tripping on 4-ACO-DMT despite knowing that I would be kicked out if I was caught. That is where this trip experience begins.

The Trip (note it is written in present tense like a journal, but I wrote this the day after so it may not be entirely accurate in terms of timeline):

(T-11:00): I take my fluoxetine 10mg at 10:00am and go back to sleep while it kicks in enough to gently wake me up.

(T-9:00): ~50mg of 3,4-CTMP is ingested upon waking at 12:00pm which has been my normal wake-up dose (I don't usually bother measuring it) for about a month. About 9 1/2 hours of sleep was had but I feel like death as usual. I can't handle another day of wondering whether this will be the one where my heart finally gives out and I die in front of my family before going straight to hell. I am absolutely crushed with sadness and guilt and want to do anything to fix myself. I visit my connect once the stims kick in enough for me to function and there I obtain 1g of 4-ACO-DMT as planned the day before. My intent is to skip redosing the 3,4-CTMP and test the 4-ACO-DMT at 10mg when the stim wears off to ensure there are no signs of a bad reaction with the other drugs. I then plan to have a full trip tomorrow or possibly tonight by snorting 40mg, a dose which I have previously found strong, but comfortable.

(T-4:00): It is now 5:00pm and the 3,4-CTMP has worn off completely, leaving me very tired and down but I'm glad I won't have to worry as much about interactions. I go to measure out 10mg of 4-ACO-DMT and my scale is out of batteries. I'm too tired to drive out and get more and I really want to avoid redosing the 3,4-CTMP so I can try the small dose of 4-ACO-DMT tonight without worrying. Although I know 4-ACO-DMT is ridiculously hard to eyeball due to its high density and crystaline consistency I decide to do it anyway. This is particularly stupid because I will have to be around my family for another four hours. I measure out what I would guess to be 10mg and eat it just before dinner.

(T-3:00): Dinner was uneventful, though I definitely feel the dose shortly after as my body feels heavy and slightly tingly. My auditory-tactile, auditory-visual, and auditory-colour synesthesia that are always present at a low level are definitely stronger. The auditory-tactile in particular is quite strong with eyes closed as I feel my body roll and wave with the music. There is mild tingling in my hands that is neither pleasant nor unpleasant. Closed and open eye visuals are just a hint (~level 3), not present in any definite sense. I watch a light-hearted anime movie with my brother and feel very engaged in it. Watching the beautiful animation and characters, I feel increasingly warm in body and mind. As the credits roll I realize I haven't felt this content, sane, and happy in a long time.

(T-0:30): As I just start to come down, I take my heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature. My temperature is 36.0C, heart rate 75bpm, blood pressure 121/67.

(T 0:00): It is now 8:55pm. The dose is wearing off and I feel really really bad once again. Despite knowing I should wait until 11:00pm to be sure I won't have my parents walk in on me or just trip tomorrow night after some rest I reach for the bag almost automatically. When I pour it out I accidentally spill half the bag on the table and have to scoop it back in. What is left seems to be around 150mg. I can't seem to scoop any more into the bag and decide that I'll snort a third or so and then redose from there in 30 minutes. Unfortunately, I accidentally snort up almost all of it. Knowing that there is no going back I lick up the small amount left.

(T 0:30): Laying down on my back on my bed and feeling the nasty drip, I start to wonder if I am going to actually trip. I am listening to InnerSpeaker by Tame Impala. Very suddenly feel an intense rising anxiety coupled with massive uncomfortable electric tingling over the surface of my body from the neck down. Trying to find the calmest music I can I try California Dreamin' and then Gregorian chants but nothing is helping. Deciding to make sure I wasn't in physical danger I take my blood pressure, which reads 100bpm heart rate and 156/97 blood pressure which doesn't seem dangerous and makes sense given the level of anxiety. Although I know that anxiety during the onset is normal, it still feels extremely uncomfortable. I decide to turn off the music and hop on IRC on my tablet. There, I talk to a guy for 15 minutes or so who is really nice but a bit uncertain about what to do since he hasn't tripped much.

(T 0:45): While still talking to him I feel my mind start to slip away as it overtakes me. Not wanting to worry him by suddenly disappearing I tell him I am feeling good now and I lie down on my back. While on my back I am filled with terror as I feel myself start to plummet downward at freefall speed. My vision blurs to the point of near-blindness with eyes open and with eyes closed I see myself falling backwards through a melting, flowing tunnel of various shades of black with hints of green and red. I roll over on my side and the sensation stops but is replaced by an overwhelming metallic tingling over my entire body. I try to keep my eyes open but the intensely blurred and distorted vision is too frightening so I close them and watch the chaos ensue for a minute or so as the weird sensation is replaced with a sense of moving through space at extreme speed. I fly through dimly lit swirling, flowing, melting colours outlining the perfectly black void that is the center of the tunnel I am rushing through at unimaginable speed. The tunnel is constantly changing direction in rapid and unpredictable ways before it becomes straight again and I fly towards the end; a terrifying perfectly black void.

I jerk my eyes open and flail around in terror trying to ground myself to no avail as the metallic tingling returns in a now overpoweringly painful and unpleasant way over everything including my lips but excluding the rest of my face. It seems to be making my body start to slightly fall into itself and the the bed, but not in a comfortable way like dissociatives. Laying on my back was much worse so I end up going back to my side. I talk to the guy from tripsit again for a few minutes. Suddenly I remember the ego death video by PsychedSubstance and decide to give it a watch. Weirdly, I have no visuals or distortions of any kind when I look at my tablet. Although the tactile hallucinations are just as unpleasant, as I watch it I become infinitely calmer and feel prepared to finally do this and let go like I have usually been able to on prior trips.

(T 1:10): I put down my tablet before the fractal sequence at the end because I know it will likely be too much for me and I take a deep breath as I close my eyes. Upon closing my eyes I am met with intense, vibrant blue, red, and green geometry and fractals in all 360 degrees as if I am not seeing them with human eyes but instead with some sort of bug eye that is able to see and comprehend 360 degree vision. This is coupled with a sensation of being tossed around on enormously large, practically infinite waves that are also coming from all directions in sync with the movement of the visuals. At no point does my ego start to let go, but I do slowly lose contact with my body. At some point I lose contact with the sensation of breathing. Once I realize this I immediately panic and jolt my eyes open again. (In hindsight I was almost certainly still breathing.)

I slowly close them and then drift away again, this time flying straight ahead at a fast, but comfortable speed through Mandelbrots and DNA-like 3D fractals in a black void that is wide open instead of a tunnel. Intermittently I will realize I don't feel breathing and open my eyes, before continuing down the path. I remain in limbo between awake and gone for what feels like an hour before I suddenly hit red and gray fractals that feel really 'evil'. I jolt completely awake, not wanting to continue farther.

(T 1:40) This is the point where it goes really downhill. A brutally uncomfortable and overwhelming simultaneous sensation of electricity, heat, cold, and metal covers my entire body in a way that is even stronger than before. My body feels as if it is compressing into a point and every atom in every nerve is smashing into the others. What terrifies me is that it has spread even to my tongue and eyelids. My tongue is at the roof of my mouth (I realized today it's always like that when my mouth is closed) and feels like it is going right through. I worry about choking on my tongue if I let myself go again. Although I have no trouble breathing and my tongue is not actually blocking my throat or anything like that I still can't convince myself.

I start to totally lose it and consider calling an ambulance. Occasionally I hyperventilate until I start to pass out and close my eyes, at which point I drift for a few seconds in a mix of complex 3D fractals and swirling liquid colours in a black void before I jolt back. Minutes are passing like hours as I stick my tongue out and bite it because I am picturing it flipping backwards into my throat. I eventually consider calling 911 because I think I might lose my mind or die. That would probably get me kicked out and living in my car. Luckily, I decide to consult the tripsit channel on IRC first. Desperately I ask for help for what feels like hours but was likely a minute. Somebody on there (let's call him V) sees my freakout and decides to help me out and guide me through it despite my obviously irresponsible decisions.

(T 1:50) V manages to get me to calm down about the situation. I give him my address anyway just in case. Although I am now pretty sure I'm not in serious danger, I still can't let go. The sensation is overwhelming and is completely disabling if I stop moving so I am rubbing my legs together and flopping around constantly while I chat. The time dilation is extreme, moreso than even ketamine. It is as if I have reached the maximum possible level of tactile and psychological stimulation, I feel like a superhero that is so fast he slows down time. Closing my eyes I am flashed with extremely intense and complex fractals that make the situation even more overwhelming. It reminds me of LSD, only far more powerful. Strangely, my tablet is in perfect clarity, despite the fact that without my glasses it's usually a little blurry. My hands are incapable of feeling it due to the insane sensations and are making constant movements subconsciously in order to avoid letting the body high take over. I continue in this hell for a further 40 minutes or so, which felt like the longest minutes of my life.

(T 2:30) Very suddenly my mind is flooded over with a feeling of intense sedation that makes reading comprehension quite difficult. There is a prolonged pause. I have not felt this sedated since a borderline overdose on ketamine, dextromethorphan, and codeine a few months prior. I feel as though I will be able to sleep and despite being grateful the feeling of sedation is so intensely powerful that I worry I will stop breathing. My body is still buzzing, though not as intensely as before. It seems to weigh 1000 pounds and sink through into my pillow and mattress. V assures me that I won't stop breathing though we both worry that if I fall asleep I might wake up tripping balls and it may not go particularly well. After some deliberation and some research by V, I decide to try it.

As I close my eyes, I subconsciously embrace myself and feel the most intense feeling of all-encompassing comfort and affection. This seems to be the absolute most comfortable feeling possible, an innate feeling that I have felt before and I am guessing it was before I was born. It's as if I am being held and cradled by a perfectly warm cloud that is completely surrounding my body and I see myself floating in a small space of relaxing amber light. The feeling is so blissful that I seem to stop breathing almost immediately. I don't want to leave this beautiful place, but I have the thought that it is too perfect and that there absolutely must be some kind of tradeoff; either a true hell right after or possibly real physical death.

I open my eyes again and tell V about it, half joyful and half terrified. V says it sounds like ego death and I should embrace it. I attempt it again, the sensation returns and I stay in it for a little longer, however this time I become completely convinced that I will die. Again I wake up and consult V. He says that if I am that afraid then I don't have to go into it. I decide to try it just one more time.

The comfortable cradled bliss that I experienced before starts again, but quickly transforms into intense green, red, and blue melting colours and occasionally fractals in a black void. I decide to keep going with it. Shortly after, I am struck with electric pain over my entire body and simultaneously I see complex blood red and black interwoven fractals resembling large twisty cables like you'd see on a bridge interlaced in a weave pattern of cobwebs. There is a deep and all-consuming feeling of guilt and pain in my heart. I inherently know that these are representative of the violence I've experienced in my early life and what I am feeling is the guilt of not sparing others of it. This is something I am very uncomfortable talking or thinking about so I will not get into it here.

This temporarily throws me through a loop, but within a few seconds of opening my eyes it fades into what I can only describe as the feeling and sensation of being completely neutral. My legs, arms, hands, and the rest of my body feel neither comfortable or uncomfortable, it just felt 100% at the middle point. Thoughts are calm, without any kind of euphoria or dysphoria. V is worried at first when I tell him about what the realm of comfort had converted into, however the completely neutral feeling has eliminated my worries and cleared my head a bit. He says that I should be coming down soon.

(T 3:15) The neutral feeling goes back temporarily to the intense sensations I felt earlier, but this time it spares my tongue which makes me a lot calmer. My body feels like it's melting into the bed before it comes back out and then down again. I continue talking to V for another little while.

(T 3:30) Eventually I start to feel real sensations, beginning with my index finger and thumb. They last for a split second when I first touch the screen, but it is a comforting sign that I am finally coming down. I feel a great sense of relief. V says he would like to go to bed soon if I am going to be alright. At this point I am still having a pretty intense trip, but he has saved my butt in a big way and I still have access to the help channel. He gives me his number and I go to ride it out. Closing my eyes, I roll around on my bed and just look at the intense melting visuals while trying to ignore the body high. It is still incredibly strong, though nothing compared to earlier. This goes on for probably 45 minutes or so.

(T 4:15) The tactile sensations fade down and real sensation returns to most of my body. Rolling over onto my back, I still feel like I am melting into my bed a little bit. Thankfully, it is no longer unpleasantly strong and there is a sense of relief in feeling my body. It's quite sore from the constant high-intensity movement, particularly my legs. The closed-eye visuals are still 3D, but far more bland and slow. I decide to start listening to music. Music seems to be a good way to pass the time until I can sleep, however I don't find it all that enjoyable as I feel far too physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted to really get into it. About 15 minutes into listening, I have a craving for nicotine and take a big puff from my vape. This hits extremely hard and my hearing temporarily flangs for 30 seconds or so like I hit nitrous while my vision goes very blurred and distorted in the dark enviorenment. Hypnogogic imagery occurs in a mild way that does not scare me. The handlebars on a road racing bike transform into a claw and reach towards me. My left arm laying straight out to the side transforms into a giant thumb complete with a thumbnail. The shadows shift and move but do not form shadow people. Apart from the thumb and the claw, none of the distortions came to fruition as hallucinations.

(T 5:15) Shortly after 2:30am I fall asleep despite continuing visuals.

(T 15:00) I wake up at 12:00pm the next day tired, but feeling unusually content. I managed to stay mostly clean from 3,4-CTMP, taking only 20mg or so in order to function at a family event. Interestingly, the trip seems to have lowered my tolerance as this dose feels unusually strong and I normally wouldn't feel that amount. There are also some mild lingering visuals in the dark and with closed eyes.

The next day (today) the lingering visuals are almost gone and I managed to use only 10mg of 3,4-CTMP which for me is serious progress. I also feel really cheerful and philosophical and I hope what I've learned from this trip and the biochemical changes I feel it may have induced will help me to finally kick my addictions. I am thoroughly thankful for being helped out by my pseudononymous friend V. Overall, the experience was enlightening and helpful, despite the foolishness going into it.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 110441
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Dec 14, 2017	Views: 5,347
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