DOSE:

repeated

smoked

DMT

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Don't skip ahead. Every bit of this story is important.

It was a Friday night with my girlfriend Robin and I. We were downtown eating ice cream on a Friday night observing the drunk debauchery from who I would call our younger selves (this is real life, not a trip). We were looking at a bunch of people lining up for the club when a woman on a wheelchair came up to us. She told us her story, said she had a baby, and asked for change. I wasn't sure whether to believe her. But at that point in my life, I thought 'fuck it', and gave her 2 dollars. She thanked me and left. Shortly after another woman came by and said 'How kind of you to give that woman change. She's really going through a hard time and deserves it, unlike me.' I thought to myself, this is an opportunity to give another 2 dollars, but I did my good deed for the day so I left it at that. Robin and I looked at each other and thought 'that was kind of strange'.

Fast forward to that evening. Robin and I are in bed and decide we want to take a trip to hyperspace. So I pack my vaporizer with 60mg of DMT and let it rip. First inhale I feel it already. That familiar warm yet strange DMT feeling. I take another hit. I start seeing patterns all over the place. I take a third hit and feel this overwhelming force overtake me. I can't focus on my pipe any longer and flop back as I feel Robin take the pipe from my hands.

Immediately I'm projected into this realm of really interesting spinning objects. Like cylinders with patterns on them and other cool structures. Very geometric and 3 dimensional. This space was interesting and beautiful, but at the end of my trip I asked myself 'is this all there is to DMT?' and I felt this buzzing, as if something was poking my consciousness.

I awoke and Robin took her turn. By the time hers was over I decided I would go again, except this time, I swore to myself I would keep going until I couldn't.

I packed 100mg of DMT into my vaporizer. I took one hit and felt that feeling again. Quickly, breathe to get some oxygen, then second hit, saw some patterns. Breathe again. Third hit, my hands started to seem enormous. By this point the feeling was overwhelming. There was a loud crazy buzzing in my ears. The room felt like it was going to explode. Breathe. Fourth hit. Buzzing gets louder and louder. My mind starts running like a machine gun 'rabbit mouse toilet speak river'. Like 100 words per second. I breathe again. Focus. Concentrate. Concentrate. Take a breath, take a hit. Room feels like it's splitting apart. Mind races even faster. Can't even tell the difference between the pipe and the wall anymore. Breathe. Inhale. Focus. Inhale again. Slowly exhale.... I realize there's nothing stopping me but myself. I could smoke this for ever if I really want to. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid to be overwhelmed by the feeling, but I do choose to be? No. I'm done. I chose to stop smoking DMT at this point. I didn't let the feeling overcome me. I showed the DMT I wasn't going to let myself act as if I wasn't in control. Instead of flopping down I turn towards Robin and hand her the pipe. Lie back, take a big deep breath.

There are no fractals here. There are no patterns here. But a vision begins. That moment with that homeless woman replays in my mind. I see myself giving $2 to the first woman. I see her leave and I see the other woman come back. I don't give her the $2. But instead of leaving she looks at me, and takes off her mask. And she reveals her true face. My face.

'Life is a game you play with yourself. You can't lose by giving. You win by giving. By giving you spread happiness. You can't lose what you give because you are giving to yourself. What you give you will receive. This is the secret of the universe. Nothing is lost.'

There's a hallway of doors. Each door represents a different possibility of life. Different choices I can make. I realize that I can choose the doors. I can choose my future. I can choose the world I want to live in.

This universe opens up and within reaching distance a perfectly crafted chalice rises from the bottom. On top of the chalice there is, unmistakedly, a dice. As it approaches the center of my vision, playing cards fling out on both sides of the dice. The chalice slowly comes to a halt, floating directly in front of me and slowly starts spinning.

'You are the master of your own destiny.'

The vision collapses in on itself and I'm back in my room eyes open.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 111142
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Dec 16, 2017	Views: 1,454
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DMT (18) : Small Group (2-9) (17), General (1)