DOSE: T+ 0:00	50 mg	oral	Diphenhydramine	(pill / tablet)
T+ 0:30	300 mg	oral	DXM	(capsule)

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

12:00 am - To prevent nausea I took 50mg DPH in the form of 2 25mg Benedryl tablets.

12:30 am - I took 300mg DXM in the form of 20 15mg Wal-Tussin gels.

I hadn't eaten for two hours.

I have depression, anxiety, and OCD. I am no longer taking any medications whatsoever. I had no other drugs in my system at the time.

I'm afraid I did not keep good track of the time and can't give accurate stamps for this report.

Overall my trip felt wasted. My parents' home was an innappropriate setting and I felt trapped in my room. I'm a junior in college but I'm spending my last summer living with them this year. It's been stifling and uncomfortable living with them again and I definitely felt that overbearing *presence* throughout trip.

I watched Rick and Morty on the come up. Realized it hit the moment it stopped making sense or being funny. I stumbled out of my room to use the restroom while I still could. I started to get really anxious that I might have some OEVs and see that god-forsaken hyperealistic 'momo' cryptid/jumpscare that's been floating around online. I kept the lights on for this purpose. When I returned I was still afraid and kept thinking I saw something in the corners of my eyes but this quickly passed and the trip started.

That characteristic restlessness set in and I felt a desperate need to do something worthwhile, despite having no motor skills and an even more fragile memory than normal. I constantly got up to do something only to collapse on my bed again.

Throughout the trip I texted my partner, E, how much I loved her and about wanting to ride my bike. I did not feel comfortable riding my bike that evening because I was in rural NC. I eventually forgot about it.

For the entire time I listened to my usual soft/ambient trip playlist. Music was good, but not spectacular. I wasn't in awe of the overflowing warmth and richness like I usually am. I struggled to relax and truly focus on it.

The DPH hit harder than usual, I think. I spent much of my time on my bed lost in flowing, abstract thought. Nonsensical scenarios and lives that came and went - forgotten moments after I opened my eyes. Hours felt like minutes and I'd lift myself from my bed thinking I'd wasted my half trip only to realize just 10 minutes had passed.

I attempted to sketch but felt uninspired. Some mild OEVs appeared on the page: writhing lines, short and consistently spaced, curled across the page with small gaps between them.

Towards the end I remembered one of my favorite things to do on DXM and laid on my bed in near perfect darkness. At this point I had no remaining anxiety and felt totally comfortable doing this.

I focused my eyes on the dim lights that remained: my laptop charger, the smoke detector, the moonlight that illuminated the curtains like pale, flat rectangles. My eyes half-closed, I watched the lights move and shift. I 'walked' down a long corridor towards the light that was once my smoke detector. The curtains gave shape to the corridor. My mind filled in the rest and I eventually started to dream about wherever the corridor took me.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112195
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Oct 7, 2020	Views: 1,986
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Diphenhydramine (109), DXM (22) : Depression (15), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), Alone (16)