DOSE:

repeated

oral

Cannabis

(edible / food)

BODY WEIGHT:

110 kg

My friend (let's call them J) asked if I wanted to try weed, and having nothing better to do, I agreed. I'll admit I didn't do any proper research, but I trusted J's words that it would only be some recreational fun. This would end up being a very, very poor decision my part.

We were in J's room where he had baked a moderate-sized pan of brownies. He had also installed colored lights the day before so it was lit up like some rave party. Again, bad ideas. While we hung out and made ourselves cozy we started eating the brownies, which tasted normal enough. We waited 10 minutes before getting impatient. I think at some point I had forgotten about what we were doing and was just scarfing down piece after piece. I had eaten half the goddamn pan by the time I realized it.

Because this was my first time, J was constantly asking me if I was feeling the effects or not. I kept telling him no and walking around the room and standing straight to prove the point. I was feeling a bit anxious thinking that I would be left out on the experience. At some point he started laughing really hard, like anything I say would make him burst into laughter. He told me how emotional it was making him. At some point he was crying and calling out names. I couldn't look away, I couldn't say anything as the world started spinning. A terrible premonition settled in my gut. I was so scared that I would start crying and letting everything inside out.

I looked at my feet and realized I was spinning like I would when I'm tipsy. I was completely in denial about the effects. I didn't want to admit it, as if it were a weakness on my part. I kept telling him, 'I'm not high, I'm not high'. It became harder to distinguish the timing of the ceiling lights. My sense of time began to wax and wane.

I started telling him that I needed to go, that I needed to be home by 9. Why did I need to be home by 9? I don't know but I need to get out of here. Go where? Go home. But where is home? I feel like I've been here forever. I need to go home. I need to be home by 9. Do I really want to go home? I need to get out of here.

At this point in time I can only describe in hindsight what was probably happening to me, as I had no control over my temporal perception. It was as if time was sliced into many pieces and I was experiencing each piece over and over again, but by the time I had realized that I had experienced a particular slice of time I had already experienced the next slice of time many times. I was trapped within the same 1-2 seconds being repeated, slowly inching forward as my mind was constantly trying to process what was happening. My hearing became distorted, as if it was listening from a far off place. There was no such thing as the 'present', just a constant reliving of the 'past' while trying to look for the 'future'. It was a nightmare.

At some point I had realized I was staring at myself in a mirror. At some point I had realized we were both standing in the centre of the room, with me staring vacantly at the ceiling and J gently shaking me telling me it's alright. At some point I was on the bed, where if I closed my eyes and buried my head in the pillows I would see a kaleidoscope of colors moving along in an infinite GOL simulation. At some point I had realized J had opened the door and left the room (I learned later he went to the bathroom to puke). At some point I realized his housemates were at the door asking questions and I was trying to hide.

I passed out soon afterwards and woke up on the couch in the morning. I thought everything was finally over at this point. Everything felt completely normal.

Afterwards, we left to go to the campus central to buy poutine and eat on the second floor while watching pokemon (we never had poutine before and we never went to the second floor). From this I asked him 'I think you're still high dude, there's no way I'm still high'. He shook his head.

This realization unsettled me. Despite me feeling completely fine, it is only in hindsight that I realize that I was completely out of it. It was like I could not know who I was, I could never accurately assess my condition without someone else telling me. But what if they were also out of it? There is no way to tell who someone truly is.

I recognized my faults with this experience. I was impatient. I didn't respect the substance enough. I was too much in denial. I was scared of not being able to control my body. But most of all, I was scared of showing people a side of me I didn't want them to see.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112393
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 26, 2018	Views: 2,735
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Cannabis (1) : Difficult Experiences (5), Overdose (29), Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)