BODY WEIGHT:

159 lb

Up until age 18 I never ingested drugs. It all started with weed from a friend, then moved onto coke, crack, spice, stimulants, opiates, benzos and psychadelics. I have done it all except PCP and ketamine. The drug abuse has been extremely severe and uncontrollable resulting in major kidney, liver and intestine damage now at age 26...

Managing my opiate addiction of 6 years was the worst, but I got on suboxone on year 5/6. When I couldn't tolerate the withdrawals from Sub after a year of weaning and attempting to stop 6 times, I quit my job and went on "vacation" to Florida on August 5th, 2018 and did not get back home until August 19th with my girlfriend who does not use. Before we hopped in the car for the 700 mile drive south, I already had a plan to get high and I hid it from my girl. It was my secret which did not last. My plug and old buddy in Florida could get me pure blue crystal shards for $80 a gram. Very good quality compared to the crap I see here in North Carolina. I wrestled with the idea but decided wrong. My addicted brain convinced me that since I was on vacation, I may as well enjoy myself and get high. I deserved it and my mind said yes to it. By using METH, I can kick the suboxone and stop my opiate problem for good. This plan worked and backfired horribly. Meth DID overpower the horrible feelings and sensations of the withdrawal. Meth is so strong it seems to overpower just about 95% of all drugs. This I knew would work and help me, or so I thought!.... Then I became a meth addict in return upon stopping opiates. Here is my story on the gradual loss of my sanity which took a mere 14 days of foolish abuse, re dosing and mixing drugs with METH.

It all started with buying a whole gram on August 8th, 3 days after we got to Florida. I tried for 3 days to kick subs but then I caved into my sinister plan of replacing one addiction for another. My plug came by at 12:30PM and sold me the G for $80. We went into the bedroom and prepared my first dose of this cunning poison. I was so excited my hands sweat. He prepared a small line for me and I railed it, about a half point from the first bag and I instantly loved it. My dealer at the time said to be careful, and do not ever smoke it as for you will become a fiend. I did not listen because I was all about the forbidden fruits of life. Just hearing the dangers made me want it MORE! I exclusively snorted the first bag, did not use any other ROA.

I stayed awake for 3 days straight on the first bag. Already then I forgot what sleeping and eating were like. My use was already out of control. Basic functions like sleeping, hygiene and family became an afterthought. I was so high and spun from the first batch, I locked myself away from the world because I could not act normal and looked filthy and crazy. After I snorted and ate the whole gram I ran out and crashed for one day. After then I bought the second gram when I wasn't feeling good from withdrawal. The second gram lasted another 3 days I found oral dosing under the tounge to be better than most ROA's. I ran out and crashed hard for 2 days in bed and depressed. The comedowns were getting worse. At this point I already lost major weight, anorexic and looked sickly from the lack of sleeping everyday, barely any food intake or liquids. I was stuck on a path to utter annihilation but I caved again. On the third gram purchase I pushed another binge. Three binges in 14 days, I slept not even 5 of those days total. My tolerance was going up because the 3rd gram lasted only 2 days. It seemed like a total waste of dope smoking it, with less bioavailability and easily forgetting how much I was doing.

I opened the bag and broke up the giant rock so I could load the pipe. First few times smoking it, I did it wrong which frustrated me but I eventually learned. Once I perfected the fine art of smoking and twirling the glass I became infatuated with it. It became my LIFE, nothing else mattered to me except the ice and glass. I would say smoking crack was horribly fiendish, but out of all my experiences, smoking meth had the worst pull and grip on my mind. Nothing in life came close to this addiction and I was hooked. My girl, little puppy and even myself did not matter until the dope ran out and busted the pipe. I feared for myself of losing it all. I did not realize at the time, that I was also losing my mental sanity and perceptions of reality. Smoking ice hit my brain instantly and hard, however sometimes it had a delayed reaction and would creep up on me .

On the third bag I finished half of it smoking CONSTANTLY! The pipe was constantly in my hand, going through 3 lighters a day... At this point my hearing was going haywire from the mental abuse of using meth like a idiot. I heard voices in the walls speaking to me and whispering talking shit about me and how much of a junkie loser I was. I hallucinated metal songs, old men speaking to each other and dogs barking when there was none in the household. I heard intense ringing of the ears which changed pitch consistently. My ears were popping and the audio hallucinations kept getting worse. I should of stopped smoking the pipe and I did. It thought it was a good idea to take a bong rip of pot to relax. I loaded a huge cone and blasted the entire bowl in one hit. It was more weed than I ever inhaled, my lungs could not feel the smoke at all. I held it in for 20 seconds and exploded the smoke out coughing my lungs up. All of a sudden, after 2.5 grams of meth over the course of 2 weeks, sleep deprivation on and off, and the mixture of a mild psychedelic, cannabis....my mind SNAPPED for the first time in my life. I entered psychosis and it was the most terrifying experience of my life. My mind became my own worst enemy. It got so bad, I considered suicide as an option. It got progressively worse over the course of 4 hours.

I walked out of my girlfriends bedroom at 3:30am with errie paranoia of immense danger around me. I was standing in the hallway and heard banging noises outside. I went to the front door to check on the cars. I peered through the glass and saw 5 cops outside standing looking at the door. One of the cops I saw his face peeking straight through the glass, looking into my face directly. I backed away from the window and he held up a pistol to the glass and made a threatning gesture with a sinister smile. I backed away from the front door and I turned off ALL THE LIGHTS, grabbed a butcher knife and ran into the bathroom. The house was dead silent. All of a sudden I heard radio chatter on a police radio. They were talking outside and I heard them through 3 walls in the middle of a household. They said they were breaking in shortly to the suspected meth house. I hid in the bathroom, terrified for who knows how long. After a short while I walked out of the bathroom into the living room with the knife in my hand, walking on my tippy toes into the darkness. I thought they could hear my footsteps on soft carpet so I was very slow moving from the small bathroom where I felt safe. They disappeared and I was freaking out more now, thinking they went to the back of the house to enter in.

It was dead silent again. I heard a intense buzzing sound in the walls around me suddenly. The room morphed and breathed with psychedelia and I heard sounds of electricity buzzing, hard to explain the sound... I gripped the massive knife tight, hands sweating so much beads were dripping onto the blade. It was too quiet and I anticipated trouble, eyes wide open and tweaked into a delusional, homicidal state. I walked back into the living room and turned a lamp on to see. I looked around and felt ok but then Seconds later I Suddenly I heard an extremely realistic, vivid and terrifying sound. I heard a window breaking in the kitchen 15 feet away. It sounded INCREDIBLY REAL. The window sounded like it was kicked in with a shoe, I heard the glass fall and hit the tile floor in the kitchen, then heard a man grunt as he pulled himself through the window. I heard feet hit the floor and glass crunch under his body weight. My face dropped and my hand gripped the knife so hard I had bruises on my hand. I ran back in the bathroom and turned off the light with the door cracked slightly. I thought at this point, someone was going to die and it was up to me to save everyone in the house sleeping soundly. I hid in the bathroom and heard 2 men in the house talking to each other, saying to grab this item to steal. The other man said he was going back towards the bedrooms. He had to get through me as for the bathroom was right in the path of where he was headed. I heard footsteps silently and carefully approaching around the corner from the kitchen where the window was busted in.

I was sweating profusely, shaking, my heart dropped and the knife felt like a extension of my body. I knew this was it, rather I die from a home invasion or I murder for the first time. I could not exit the bathroom for fear I was going to get shot and killed. I held my breath and crouched down in the darkness, peering out in the hall with the door cracked ready to pounce. I stayed in the bathroom concealed in the darkness for quite some time. I exited the bathroom and peered around a few corners, squat walking to make my body target smaller so I did not get shot suddenly. It took me 50 minutes to make sure the tiny house was clear, and in reality it was. Nothing happened at all. I hallucinated a home invasion at 3:30 am it was completely real to me. But it did not end there!

I woke up my girlfriend and made her check the house. She said I was tweaking too hard. I did not believe her. I hit the pipe more and started convulsing. My chest and head had severe pains from the high blood pressure, and I could not stop moving, breathing extremely fast. I considered the hospital but I couldn't do it again! I had no weed and could not calm down. I decided to go out for a walk to breathe fresh air. HUGE MISTAKE. I entered the realm of hell with the shadow people for the first time. It was not a friendly experience.

It was 4:30am. I carefully exited the house. I was in a full, thick body sweat, eyes BLOWN. I had hyperthermia, was starving, dehydrated. I was so spun all I had on was my shorts and a shirt, no shoes. I started walking a block and was walking very quickly. I made it 500 feet and turned a corner. The hallucinations went from audio to visual. As I turned left to another road I saw dozens of black cats and dogs running across the street in front of me. A man peered out from behind a bush. I couldn't tell if it was real due to the psychosis intensifying and my mental state turned for the worse due to seeing that one shadow man appearing. I became hostile and more paranoid.

I ended up getting lost, despise only wanting to walk a few blocks. I knew the neighborhood well but could not think clearly. I lost track of time, location and was increasingly desperate to get home. It seemed darker than usual outside. I looked at my phone and the screen was so bright I had to put it away. With waze on my phone, I could not articulate a thought to help me and gave up. Walking in the middle of the road at 5:30am, suddenly lights and the sound of a car were approaching from behind. I saw red, green and white vivid lights on the ground in front of my body, getting brighter as the vehicle approached me and the sound of a car engine running. My back was turned and did not dare turn around for fear of cops. The car stopped feet behind me and I stopped walking, gripping the huge kitchen knife in my waistband. I heard 3 doors open and close to the car. A man called out my name and said to turn around. I held my concealed knife and I turned and....nothing was there! I could not believe how crazy the hallucinations were becoming. But it was not over, it got even worse. The most terrifying episode I ever imagined or experienced.

It seemed all too real and I couldn't handle the paranoia anymore. I dropped the knife and was too paranoid from cops showing up. After walking around in a circle for another 30 minutes getting more lost, I finally found a street nearby the house. I found my way and was only 2000 feet from the front door. My shirt was completely drenched in sweat. I took it off and wrung it out, sweat spilling onto the street. I left my shirt off and carried it in hand. I started speed walking faster. I turned a corner and was so close to home.

This is when the most intense fear of my life got triggered. It gave me PTSD I believe and I will never forget what I saw, and the intense fear. I will never forget, scarred into my brain forever from sheer terror. It was like satan raped my mind and my soul. A sense of pure evil and hostility. I was high but I was panicking, fearful and desperate to escape my mind. I could not.

All of a sudden I heard doors to homes opening and closing. The homes were behind me only, not in front of the path I was on to the house. I turned around to see and froze from fear. Black shadow people calmly walked out of their homes one at a time. One person from each house. After each one came out they stood on their driveways. They faced me and did not speak or motion, only glared. They only glared with a hostile, evil feel to each one of them. I started walking in reverse facing them. The panic exploded into full, incredibly horrific fear. The shadow people started walking towards me and behind them, dozens more started RUNNING out of each house. The shadow people I saw had bright red, demonic eyes and EVIL spirited feeling. Then I noticed the ones running had two massive knives in each of their hands, the same knife I had from before. They all started chasing running full sprint. I locked eyes with one of them before I started running FULL SPEED down the street, only a few hundred feet away from home.

I tossed my shirt onto the grass and screamed. I SCREAMED in pure terror and I was running faster than I ever ran in my life. It felt like I was running 30 mph, while extremely stimmed I could of had a heart attack or stroke. I did not care. Flight or flight mode mixed with psychosis made me believe I was going to be brutally murdered and sent to hell. My Body was sweating so much I couldn't even see, my eyes were covered in sweat droplets but I did not stop running. I was so scared I cried while sprinting, thinking this was it. I am going to die and I cannot escape this nightmare. I wanted to commit suicide to end the mental anguish, if I had a gun I would of. But my desire to live overcame and I made it to the front door in less than a minute since I was so close nearby. I slammed the door behind me and the shadow people ran up, dozens of them covered the front lawn and driveway. They stood motionless as I looked through the glass, and I saw a sea of of red, glowing, sinister eyes staring me down. Just as I was looking at them, they all disappeared into the air in the form of black, whispy smoke. Except one. The one singular shadow person walked straight up to the window, stared me straight in the eyes from inches away with just a thin window frame blocking him from me. The shadow then got even closer, and came through the glass and into me. All of a sudden I got down on my hands and knees and could not breathe. I felt my body being entered or exited from an external force I could not describe even to this day. After a few minutes I got up, and the psychosis lessened. The paranoia remained and I did not sleep that night. I stayed in the house and did not dare to leave again. I did not re dose anything and just stopped. I was too afraid.

Too this day 4 months later I have an intense fear of darkness, walking around neighborhoods at night (no matter how safe) I have an aversion to knives and I am a shut in even more so than before. I fear the panic and terror I endured gave me lasting mental scars and irrational fears. If I decide to use meth now, I get psychosis from not even using 0.25, with just meth alone. Psychosis appears to become easier to achieve as time goes on. Abstinence from drugs is the only thing that helps , and life truly is better without meth. Mixing large amounts of meth with cannabis appears to trigger psychosis, or make it much worse if its already occuring.

As fun as it is, and as amazing as it was, it was never worth putting in my body.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112621
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Dec 9, 2018	Views: 8,270
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Methamphetamine (37), Cannabis (1), Sleep Deprivation (140) : Combinations (3), Health Problems (27), Entities / Beings (37), Multi-Day Experience (13), Addiction & Habituation (10), Alone (16)