DOSE:	300-2000 mg	oral	Pharms - Gabapentin	(daily)
	3 mg	oral	Bromazepam	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

55 kg

This is written a week after I had stopped using Gabapentin.

On my first psychiatric visit, about a month and a half ago, I was prescriped, among other anxiolytics, sedatives and antidepressants, Gabapentin. It was an hour and a half maybe, of talking about everything from my (maybe 4 years long) battle with anxiety, panic attacks, inability to sleep for more than 2-3 hours every night, periods of depression and feeling unmotivated, which I had been trying to cope with on my own for all highschool years. But my senior year found me full of anxiety, having anxiety attacks every week, lots of homework and studying to do for my final exams, which determine which college I'm
Going to get into. So I was starting to have more and more problems. Bad grades, absences, either because I was having panic attacks at school and then leaving or because of simply not being able to get out of bed some days.

At some point I was asked if I had consumed pharmaceuticals before, how I responded to them and if anything had helped me in the past. I had taken Xanax and Clonazepam before, both had put me to sleep pretty effectively. Diazepam, however, had not. So I took it during the day only once. I did not have any panic attacks that day and I felt pretty calm. I didn't really remember the dosages for any of these. However I had also taken Gabapentin, which was something special to me among all these other medications. I had taken it once before to get high. The high was indescribable to me. Couldn't compare it to weed, alcohol, any other pill, opioid (I had tried Tramadol). It was simply something out of this world. Intense feelings of euphoria, an impulse to move, dance, be productive, be more social, intense urge to talk to people. However when I was high on it it wasn't obvious at all. It was more like a better version of me. This was on 600mg the first time.

I lied. I wanted to obtain it for occasional recreational purposes. I lied to the doctor and told him It had helped a lot with my anxiety in the past. He was pretty surprised by this but I kind of created a story and made him prescribe me Gabapentin. He recommended 300mg a day. He also prescribed me Bromazepam, which I feel helped me a lot and I am still on it, Clonazepam for sleep, which is also amazing and honestly changed my life, in the sense that for once, I could sleep. He prescriped sertraline for my depression, but I chose not to take it, as I had felt it was too much at once, so I was just starting with the benzos.

I wanted to experiment a little bit more with Gabapentin so I decided to try taking it as I was prescribed. 300mg everyday, 3mg bromazepam and that was the recipe. I was a changed person. From being the introverted kid in the back of the classroom with little friends I became the center of attention pretty quickly. I was realizing it must have been weird for my teachers and classmates but I couldn't help it. If anyone asked if I was on something, I'd tell them I didn't know what they were talking about. Only a few close friends knew about the treatment I was following.

Being on Gabapentin, even at 300mg, at least for the first few days, felt like a dream. Or as if I was wearing pink-tinted glasses. It also felt like all of my thoughts were in order and I could speak about anything to anyone without any issues. It also felt like there was a person behind me pushing me to move constantly, my room became so much cleaner because I was constantly moving around and doing something. Everything was just the way it should be! And I felt so productive.

My dopamine must have been up everytime I was on gabapentin. I was slowly starting to realize I was losing a lot of weight because I wasn't getting hungry anymore. Within a month I lost 7 kilos (15 pounds). I was starting to abuse it. Hard. I was getting high at least three times a week, with doses varying from 1200mg to 2000 to even 3000mg in a day. It was heavenly for me. It felt like I was walking on air and God was touching me with every move I was making.
I realized this should stop. I didn't want to become an addict.
I got high for the last time a week ago.

I expected bad withdrawals. It was mostly an intense feeling of emptiness. I felt like everything was ugly. I felt like I couldn't think for the past week. Like I couldn't talk. I pretty much slept all week. But I'm slowly getting out of it. I swore to never touch it again. I feel like If I had it in front of me right now I would probably take it again though.

I don't know why I reacted this way to this substance or if anyone has ever had a similar experience. But from what I could find, nobody has. I'm doing more research about it right now though.

I'm glad my appetite is coming back and I'm starting to feel okay again, and I guess my anxiety is under control. I truly hope I don't encounter Gabapentin again any soon though.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112747
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Jan 5, 2019	Views: 4,771
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Pharms - Gabapentin (183) : Various (28), Medical Use (47), Addiction & Habituation (10), Combinations (3), General (1)