DOSE:

1 hit

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

240 lb

During this summer I was feeling the happiest I had ever felt in a long time. I was moved out of my parents house, I only worked part time so I wasn’t overworked or overly stressed out. Where I ended up taking LSD for the first time also had a big effect on my experience, I took it at my sister’s house where she lived with her husband and a few roommates. I had already been at my sister’s house quite a few times, and I was good friends with her roommates. Everybody there was chill, her house was comfortable and relaxing. It was the perfect setup for what was easily my best trip.

It was at 10:00 that night when I took the tab. I think it took around an hour or longer for it to actually kick in so I started by playing Overwatch and just waiting for the effects. It was likely nothing more than placebo but at around 30 minutes I was starting to feel more talkative and relaxed. Nothing else worth noting really happened while I was playing Overwatch so I ended up stopping after about an hour, maybe less. From now on I won’t be able to mention the specific time of certain effects happening because time lost all meaning to me throughout the rest of the night.

When I stopped playing Overwatch I just sat down on the couch and stared at the ceiling, which is when the visuals started kicking in. I saw pixelated fractals moving in on themselves with some extending out in a straight line. These fractals were constantly moving in a sort of linear way and changing on whatever I looked at, in this case it was the ceiling. I’m pretty sure I was captivated by the ceiling and didn’t look at anything else for at least a few minutes. What I compared the visuals to in the moment was ants digging tunnels on the ceiling.

I was thrown a blanket at some point and just melted into it. There were also quite a few pets in this house and being graced with the company of these animals felt amazing as well. I had a very hard time letting go of anything soft due to the sheer pleasure of having anything soft against my skin. When I looked at my hands they didn’t look wildly different, as the fractal visuals were much more noticeable on distant objects, but my hands did look strangely darker with the lines on them being much more vivid. My sister’s husband was an avid vaper, so I was constantly mesmerized by vapor clouds that I’m pretty sure he was purposely blowing towards me. Each time I saw a vape cloud there was a cessation of thought and I couldn’t focus on anything else until the cloud dissipated.

After awhile, all colors were enhanced beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined. The closest thing I can compare it to is HD vision. As the trip really started to come on I started to feel what was easily the greatest feeling of my life. It was just this pure anxiety-melting happiness and euphoria, and a strong feeling of togetherness and being in the moment. It felt as if I was getting all of this beautiful information, but it didn’t come in the form of language, it came as a feeling, an experience. I watched Moana during the come up of my trip, and it felt like I was a little kid watching a Disney movie for the first time, it may have even felt more magical than that. Moana was amazing and breathtakingly beautiful, and I couldn’t have picked a better moment to watch it. The colors were vivid and I was completely absorbed into every single moment.

After Moana was over I just ended up talking to my sister and her roommates, and my trip quickly started to shift from a visual space to a sort of analytical space. All of these existential realizations came to me in so many different ways, and my thoughts were moving way faster than I could even attempt to speak them. Time itself wasn’t really linear and every moment felt like an eternity because so many things were happening in my mind at once. And with this feeling I was getting, there was the biggest sense of relief I had ever had in my life that I was free. In the biggest sense of cosmic irony I had ever experienced I was free because I realized I had no free will.

At one point I had completely lost my fear of death because I realized it didn’t even exist. It felt like during that moment of my life that I was at one point on a circle, simultaneously the beginning and the end. It was these realizations and infinitely more just constantly being fed to me through just pure feeling. It was all of that overly existential stuff and probably way more in my head and I was completely obsessed with trying to communicate it all to my sister and her roommates even though it was almost impossible. I was also so mentally trapped in the feeling of oneness with everything, that I kept assuming that my sister and anyone else could understand exactly what I was feeling and talking about, even though that wasn’t the case.

I eventually started to get anxious as hell and I was constantly thinking about when things would inevitably get worse because I knew that something really bad would eventually have to happen to offset how good I was feeling. There were bad things in the moment to keep me grounded as well, I was incredibly hot and sweaty and I had an overwhelming urge to grind my teeth. I got anxious enough that I desperately wanted the experience to end, and I was told by my sister’s husband that milk would kill my trip. While chugging milk obviously didn’t kill my trip, it did ease my anxiety a bit. I had a constant unquenchable drymouth throughout the experience and drinking water was not fun because it felt incredibly weird, but I still had to constantly do it. With all of that water came a lot of urinating, and peeing felt difficult to the point where every time I had to pee I felt like I was doing it forever.

The lowest point during the analytical part of my trip was, I had convinced myself I was having a heart attack and I experienced an unexplainable flood of negative energy that felt so horrible. In the moment I was so sure that I was about to experience something more painful and horrible than I could ever imagine. I was lucky that I was talking to my sister while this was happening in my mind, because all it took to snap myself out of it was to say to my sister “Tell me I’m not having a bad trip” and when she said I wasn’t having a bad trip, instantly everything bad melted away.

One of my biggest psychological fantasies is not being in control. I enjoyed the thought of it a little too much. Of course the big theme of my greatest trip so far would be me not being in control. At one point during the trip my sister’s roommates asked me how I was feeling and I straight up told them that I felt like I could do anything that they wanted me to. I am extremely thankful that I was around the right people during this trip because I really was so far gone at one point that I could’ve done something awful or disgusting or illegal just because somebody told me to. My rational sense of self went almost completely out the window during this part of the trip. You could’ve stuck me into a movie where somebody got mind controlled or put under some kind of hypnotic spell and I would’ve fit right in. I can imagine that all of this was happening because my mind was so fatigued at this point from all of the analytical obsessive thinking and decided a back seat as my ego was slowly melting away.

My sister jumped in and realized I was in a trance and thankfully the only thing she told me to do was follow her outside. It was too dark for me to see any visuals, I heavily focused on the grass and it didn’t look any different than normal. We quickly went back inside and while I was stuck in this trance, my sister’s roommates and her husband did mess with me a little bit. Multiple times I was forced to get things for them from the kitchen, it felt really good but at the cost of me walking in a very strange way. Walking felt difficult and slow and alien, and I had to get up and walk quite a few times. It was a pretty funny joke, then again so is existence.

They actually offered me some food and I didn’t want any. I found that really strange, because I was fat during this trip, I was 240 pounds but I could down a large pizza by myself sober, but all of a sudden I started food. I just had this unexplainable strong aversion to food that was probably due to my sister, who didn’t eat much, feeding me her ideas about food. I did eventually forget about all of that and eat one thing because my sister’s husband handed me a grape popsicle, and I had a similar feeling that I had during my first weed experience where the sweetness of things was enhanced but it felt infinitely more potent than it did on weed.

I really enjoyed talking throughout the night. I was literally addicted to other people’s ideas and opinions. Ideas that I would’ve completely disregarded sober were completely profound, even bad ones. I eventually deconstructed my own heavy denial of being bisexual from religious conditioning and finally accepted it. It was a very big moment for me, without acid I would’ve probably stayed in denial assuming I was straight for a long time if not forever.

Since I was annoying talkative throughout most of this trip, eventually my sister and her roommates got tired of listening to me talk and put on Finding Dory. As suggestible as I still was during this part of the trip, the one order I could not follow was when I was told to be quiet. I think it had something to do with time because I kept forgetting I was told to shut up or time just kind of immediately skipped over and I started talking again. After all it’s impossible to shut up forever anyway. I started getting really delusional and thinking that different parts of Finding Dory had some kind of hidden existential meaning. Every single thing I saw, heard and felt just seemed like some sort of divine message. And there was absolutely no way to rationalize my way into thinking that something didn’t actually mean anything because it felt like everything meant everything, and I kept trying to follow a thread of thoughts to find a certain answer but really it just went on forever. Everything was infinite and I couldn’t find any answers because every answer took the form of another question.

Towards the latter half of my trip I just ended up watching my sister’s roommates play Overwatch and watching family guy. My last thought thread was me realizing that everything only exists for entertainment purposes and I felt at ease realizing that nothing I did mattered and I could sit at home after this was over and spend the rest of my life in front of a television and I wouldn’t have to worry about the consequences. Obviously this is a very bad way to look at life and thankfully this was around the time where the analytical part of my trip was dying down and I started heavily focusing on the intense vibrant colors of Overwatch as my sister’s roommates were playing it.

I was still high at 5 a.m and everybody was asleep at that point so I biked home. Somehow I didn’t fall and I didn’t have any balance issues despite still being very high. The visuals during the sunrise as I was riding home were phenomenal, there weren’t any fractals at this point but the color of the sunrise was massively enhanced and indescribably beautiful. I made it home. I got paranoid about the apocalypse and paced around my apartment forever. I eventually ended up making a bowl of cereal and it felt like the cereal was infinite. It didn’t really taste that different other than it was a little bit sweeter. And, then I went to bed. I’ve read that it’s hard to sleep on acid but I guess since I was already 10+ hours into my trip, it made it a little bit easier to go to sleep.

I woke up at 1:45 in the afternoon completely sober. And I felt a little happier overall that week, a little bit less anxious but slowly things just went back to normal.

Exp Year: 2017	ExpID: 112814
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Apr 14, 2019	Views: 2,138
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)