DOSE:		oral	Pharms - Gabapentin
		oral	Pharms - Pregabalin

BODY WEIGHT:

87 kg

Relegated and shackled to the pharmaceutical paradigm and prohibited from indulging in chemical transcendence I writhe in a world without end; head encased in concrete and brain ablaze with disarray.

Prescribed gabapentin for the bi-polar disorder and anxiety I am afflicted by I did some research on whether said medication could enhance ones experience of life; I.e provide some respite from the chains that bind. I have learnt through experience that Gabapentin can indeed provide a buzz that emulates that of MDMA and cannabis though tolerance is built up rapidly and experiencing the transcendent qualities that Gabapentin provides is thus rendered sporadic.

In an effort to attain some kind of respite I indulged in, what I deem to be, a monolithic amount of Gabapentin and its cousin Pregabalin. I ingested about 1800mg of Gabapentin and 400mg of Pregabalin. During the course of the day I staggered the quantities of Gabapentin and then as afternoon teetered on the brink of nightfall proceeded to ingest Pregabalin.

The experience is as follows. I was immediately trampled beneath a crushing onslaught of anxiety. Dizziness and lethargy followed rapidly tempering the anxiety to a degree. Unpleasant. The calm and euphoria I had read about was devoid from my experience. At this point I still writhe in the chemical morass of Gabapentin and Pregabalin. In fact I had to ingest Fluanxol and Solian to bring the volatility I was experiencing to a manageable level. This experience is one beset by futility. Apart from a slight sense of brittle calm and dissociation I feel discomfort. This corrosive combination has left me reeling.

At least at the moment I am finding the state I am in manageable. I endure it. The brittle sense of calm veils a undercurrent of jarring anxiety and slight confusion. If only I had access to benzodiazepines, then I would be stable. Nonetheless this to shall pass.

Due to the fact that I am prohibited from seeking respite and transcendence through the usual avenues I attempted the aforementioned and failed dismally. Rather Gabapentin as opposed to Pregabalin. Don't combine them is what I've learnt. I can only hope that this fugue passes and I am restored back to normalcy; normalcy being a nullifed state of psychiatric medication fueled despair and inertia; a state that does provide fleeting glimpses of lucidity.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113439
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 36
Published: Nov 9, 2020	Views: 2,560
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Pharms - Gabapentin (183), Pharms - Pregabalin (418) : Difficult Experiences (5), Depression (15), Combinations (3), Unknown Context (20)