DOSE:	repeated	smoked	Cannabis
		oral	LSD	(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

70 kg

LSD at Psy-Fi, Complete Rebirth

This will be an attempt to put into words the trip that changed my life.

Where:

Psy-fi festival, 2019. I had never been to a festival like this before, never even been to a rave.

Who:

One of my best friends, Djee. We have known each other for several years.
My girlfriend, Tee. The strongest person I know.
Our neighbour from camp, Jay. Really chill and easy going person.
And me, of course.

What:

Cannabis. Lots and lots of it. And the main course, Lysergic Acid Diethyl-amide, in an almost empty little vial. The exact dose is unknown to me, but I can assure you, it was a lot! I did a little research, and my guess would be at least 1400-1500 micrograms. My heaviest trip before this, realistically, was around 250-300 micrograms.

Prologue

We arrived at Psy-fi a few hours after the camps had opened. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the energy shifted as soon as we stepped of the bus. The days before the actual festival began, where spent on getting to know the area, buying the drugs that we wanted, and talking to the various people at the camp site. On the opening day, we decided to try psychedelic truffles. This would be my first experience with them, although I have eaten mushrooms a few times. My heaviest trip on shrooms, I had a few years ago, around 7 grams of dried Cubensis. Oh man, that was really something. I might write down that experience, too. Anyhow, the truffles. They called them “Double Vision”, a blend of Utopia and Hollandia. A really strong blend. A little stronger than what I was expecting, to be honest. But not too strong. My girlfriend, however, would disagree, as it made her nauseous. She threw up, and she and Gee ended up going back to camp. The truffles had taken over completely at this point, and I danced my way around the festival. One of the best trips in my entire life. I should write another report on that, as well. The day after, my body was a little sore from the dancing, so we took it slow. No drugs for me and Tee, except for copious amounts of weed. Djee took some 2C-B, and partied for a while. We all got a good nights sleep, and woke up refreshed for the LSD. It was now Friday, and the mood all around the campsite was great! We ate light food, hydrated our selves, and checked the little vial of LSD that we had. It had lasted our little group of friends for a year, give or take, and was almost empty. In fact, the warm weather had evaporated almost all of the liquid inside. To remedy this, we tried to get a little more liquid inside, which turned out to be a real challenge without destroying the little bottle. Eventually, we wandered towards the festival.

And so the story begins.

The Experience

We sat down to smoke a joint and take the LSD. Our attempt to “refill” the little vial, was a complete failure. So we had to turn to plan B: Disassemble the bottle, put it in a drinking bottle, shake it around, and drink the LSD infused water. Easy enough. The four of us shared about 4/5 of the bottle, thinking we were good to go. So we walked to the chill-out stage, where Kalya Scintilla were going to play. When we got there, we found a spot to sit down, relax, and wait for the LSD to take its hold. After an hour, I didn’t feel very much, neither did Tee. We contemplated drinking the rest of the water, but decided to wait for a little while longer. It could be just a slow come up, after all. Another thirty minutes of waiting, and we got impatient. Djee, Tee, and I shared the rest of the bottle. Jay hadn’t done LSD before, and did not drink anymore of the holy water. And that was probably a really, REALLY good idea. The vial had now been soaking in the water for about an hour and a half, and the taste had a distinct, minty flavour, from the Ice Drops bottle that had previously stored it. I didn’t think too much about it at the time, and danced for a little while to pass the time. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes before I felt a definitive change in my entire being. Still not realising the insane amount of LSD that I had taken, I sat down with Jay to smoke a joint. Great idea. Tee comes to sit as well, but soon feels that the music is way too loud. So we decide to take a little walk and just take in the rest of the festival, maybe find a good spot to trip out.

As we walk, my mouth and lips start to tickle, and it feels, well, just really different and weird. I look around, and things start to get so much brighter, it almost looks like a really good computer animation. And then, the first wave of psychedelic terror hits me, like a torpedo. It sends out a shockwave that, to me, seems to affect how time acts around me. Things in my field of view, change from looking normal, to being a bright, neon glowing, absurd version of itself. I try to tell Tee that I’m a little worried that I might have gotten a little more LSD than I was prepared for, and that I might need help. She tries to reassure me, and says that we have to just keep moving, and that everything will be fine if we do so. We walked around for an unknown amount of time, but probably less than five minutes. Time just stopped behaving itself for me. The bodily sensation went from a strangle tickle, to feeling like I was ever-expanding, ever-rotating, ever-fractalizing. Like my body was made from a crystalline substance, like a liquid, crystal shell that was breaking of and re-layering itself on me, inside me. The visuals at this point was so suddenly, and violently, shifted from this weird, animated look, to fractals copying themselves from and around everything. I managed to tell Tee that I was freaking out. I thought I was dying. She didn’t seem to understand and believe me at first, but after a little while, she takes my hand and leads me towards the Psy-Care tent.

Now, the visuals are so intense and removed from reality, that I couldn’t see anything but them. I held up my hands before my eyes to check if I could still see them, at least, but there was only fractals. But now, the fractals started to “open up” and reveal the driving force behind them: tiny, happy, non-aware elf-like creatures. They roll around the visuals, like square bits, each side different from the rest. There are more elves, too. Different elves. Some roll around squares of time that glues the visuals together. Some just roll themselves around as they smile. It felt like the visuals are actual layers of reality, and the elves glue them together in our sober minds.

When Tee finally gets me to the Psy-Care tent, I have completely lost my grip on this reality. I do remember being questioned, though, and that we sat in a couch for a little while. But my mind was being stretched out so far, between all the layers of our three dimensional reality. I could feel the strings of universal information, vibrating like cello strings, all around me. It felt incredible, like the vibration of the strings was massaging my soul, or my “being”. There are no words to justify what I was experiencing. A real sense of duality began to creep in. I was scared to death, but I was also loving it. The thought of dying made me terrified, but in a beautiful way. The weight of my entire life, all my wrong doings, all my mistakes, the people I’ve hurt, lied to, stolen from, everything, began stacking itself all around me, squeezing me. I thought about my family, my friends, how I had been so stupid to put myself in this hell. How I would never be able to speak to them again. I felt lost and frozen, like I would stay like this forever. After all, I was experiencing forever, over and over again.

I tried to reach out to the elves. I tried to get them to help me, but they seemed completely unaware, like little robots doing their scripted tasks. Suddenly, I could hear myself, begging me to let go. To just die, and be released from this. So I did exactly that. I let go. I remember feeling that my body was shutting down, and uttering the word “pee”. I pissed myself. Twice. The visuals turned and twisted, like it was being turned inside out, to finally reveal my own body, laying motionless on a mattress. I could see it drifting away, further and further, until all I could see what a tiny, cold speck of light. Everything was now dark and cold. But then, I felt love. Unconditional love, like my suffering had been heard, and the response was universal. I didn’t have to be scared anymore, it was over. I was free. I remember looking up, seeing the loving face of what I can only describe as a buddhistic munk with six arms, carrying me away into bliss.

And that is all I remember from the peak of the experience.

I have been told that I spent around two hours in that tent, and that I stopped breathing several times. Tee had to slap and shake me to get me breathing again. She told me in the days after, that she watched the life slip from my eyes, and my body going totally limp. It scared her, as it would anybody.

The very first thing I remember after dying, is a feeling, a divine sensation that I AM ALIVE! I LIVED. I died, and was resurrected. The next moments can accurately be described by the song “Touch” by Daft Punk. Little by little, I found my way back to my physical form. It felt like I had been infused with the informational power of the universe. I remembered that Tee was sitting next to me, scared to death. I could feel her warmth, like a beacon in the abyss. I pulled closer to the warmth, and every feeling washed over me. I could feel my lungs again, and took a deep breath. Everything that I had wanted to say for the last few hours, every sensation, wanted to come out at the same time, and blended into a wailing. I cried as hard as my body possible could muster for a good few minutes, before it turned to a sort of manic laugh. With all my mental strength, I pulled away the shroud that was the visuals, and I could see again. Finally! The beauty of Tee’s warm soul washed away the residual feeling of terror, that lingered in the back alleys of my mind. She had gotten a hold of Djee while I was out cold, and he had gotten me a clean set of clothes. I laughed my ass off when I saw his face, and the stupidity of the situation came crashing. I changed my clothes, apologised to the Psy-Care crew. They reassured me that it was nothing to worry about, that this is why they’re here. I felt so incredibly lucky, just to be alive. There was also a feeling of absolute clarity, like I had never been more awake. I was still tripping really hard, and I was aware of that, but at the same time I felt almost completely sober, stimulated if anything. It was like I could feel every nerve, every fiber, every electric impulse. We walked back to camp, laughing the entire way. When we got back, we met our neighbours, smoked more weed, and talked about the incredible journey that we had undertaken. Later, we went back to the festival, and just wandered around.

Around five or six in the morning, the others went to sleep. I tried to, but couldn’t. Not that it was of any worry to me. I had a big smile on my face, lying in our tent. I thought about how happy I was, and how there was nothing to worry about. It was all just bullshit anyways. I thought about death, and how it didn’t scare me anymore. It feels to me, like it’s just a transition from observing and experiencing the universe, to being it. I thought about my conscious self, and how it felt, to me, like it is two parts to it. One physical and one non-physical. And how we shield ourselves from our whole selves, how we root ourselves in physical worry, in fear. How we, humanity, base our entire days around squares and screens. We are not alive, for we do not live. We are passengers without tickets, hiding from the conductor that is ourselves.

I did not sleep for a minute, but I still felt rested and energised, ready for anything. I was still tripping pretty good, and everything looked, and felt, alive. The fact that I was now the joke of the camp didn’t bother me. I couldn’t be mad about it, since I was the one laughing the most. The first few days after the trip, it felt like I was a people magnet. Like people were drawn to me, to feed off of my energy, but not in a bad way. It felt like I was “on the right path”, and it still does. The last day at camp, I had an incredible moment with a dragonfly. We were connected by something deeper, something that felt like the non-physical part of my consciousness, and that part was the same for the consciousness of the dragonfly. It didn’t fear me at all, but seemed rather curious about me, and flew up and down from where he sat, almost as if it wanted to show me how beautiful it was, and how amazingly it could move. It continued to do so for almost 10 minutes!

And so my story ends. I know, it’s just rambling! There are probably a lot of inconsistencies and holes, and I am not sure if my memory of the order it all happened is correct. This is however, my experience. I do not expect that you understand or believe me. I just felt like it was important that I try to relay what I experienced. I don’t feel scared anymore. Of people, of work, of myself. I feel awake. And it wasn’t the LSD that changed me. I changed me. I promised myself that if I got out of this alive, I would never be scared of living again. The LSD only put me in a situation, however temporary and illusionary, where I was able to make that promise to myself. And now, I have to hold that promise true to myself.

There is probably a whole lot more that I unintentionally left out.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113598
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: Oct 26, 2021	Views: 702
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LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)