DOSE:	1 hit	oral	LSD
	4 - 7	oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine
	repeated	smoked	Cannabis
	1 hit	smoked	DMT

At the time when this story takes place, I was decently familiar with psychedelics like mushrooms and LSD, and I'd done smaller amounts of DMT before, but this was ths first time I'd ever mixed psychedelics. At the time, I was going through depression due to a breakup that happened around a year before that. I had low self esteem, and I developed a habbit of drinking enough beer to get buzzed every day. I decided early on one day that I wanted to dose 1 tab of LSD, so I brought some with me to the skatepark. My intention was to have a fun trippy time with some friends who may have wanted to do it with me.

I was riding at the skatepark when I saw an old friend (J). I used to work with him in a different city, so I was suprised to see him there. We chatted for a while and I asked if he wanted to dose LSD with me, and he said "of course" and asked me if his friend (whom I've never met) can join us. I said "of course, a friend of yours is a friend of mine." A few hours later, we went to grab my guitar from my house and went to a golf course nearby. All three of us dosed 1 tab each at this time. About an hour after we dosed, I started feeling the typical onset I usually do. My thoughts were coming and going faster and analyzing other thoughts, and what others were saying. I started feeling bad vibes were coming onto me which were triggered by me thinking about my ex-girlfriend, and could have also been influenced by J's friend being a little provocative and sarcastic and a bit disrespectful during the incline of the LSD. J noticed I was quiet and was a little off, so he asked me "what's wrong, man?" and I said "I don't know. I think I just need some beer." I decided I was determined that alcohol would be the solution to my weird unsettling vibes, and calm my thoughts down. We went to the liquor store to buy a 24-pack of beer and went right back to the same spot at the golf course. I was drinking beer after beer and didn't seem to be able to get buzzed at all. It seemed that the LSD had too much control over my thoughts. So I drank more.

We were just hanging out and smoking cannabis, and I was trying to get into playing my guitar. At some point, J asked me, did you bring your DMT? And I said "NOO, there's no way we're doing that right now." He said "not for you, for me." So I threw the container to him, and he said "I don't know how to pack it though, can you do it for me?" So I packed it for him. I was thinking, "This isn't for me, and he wants to trip out. I'm going to send him in DEEP." so I eyeballed what I thought was quite a large amount, and used a normal marijuana spoon pipe. I put some parsley on the bottom of the bowl to cover the hole, sprinked the DMT on the parsley, and put another (decently thick) layer of parsley on the top. Before I handed it to him, I just stared at it, thinking something like, "This is such a powerful bowl, just one toke away and this will send anyone in..." and while I was staring at it, he just said "do it, man.". Without giving it any further thought, I sparked the lighter, (and stopped the flame as soon as the parsley caught ember) and toked it like it was the last toke I was ever going to smoke. I smoked about 90% of what was in the bowl. I held in the smoke and anticipated 10 seconds, counting "1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8.." and I exhaled...

At first everything started pulsating and flickering white brighter and brighter, while turning into a huge sphere around me. Then, all the space around me became sort of an upwards, spherical tunnel with layers, like floors. It was like I'd unlocked the the secret control room of the universe, and I saw the layers of the multiverse, and I had an unnerving sense that I was about to have an accidental sneak peak at something I wouldn't be ready for. There was a top and a bottom to this spherical space, like an up and a down, sort of like a tunnel. Maybe more like an oval. I looked around, and geometric visions were flowing around like snakes, and they were just flowing up and down through this deep spacial abyss. I was in such intense awe and I drifted into a state of mumbling and moaning, and basically lost all sense of consciousness and sense of identity and humanness altogether, while still visibly awake, moving and making weird moany noises. Then it seemed like J was putting me into a trance by mumbling with me, "you good bro?" and I said "I'm goooodd ..." and he said "yeeeaaah, you gooood?..." and said "yeeeaaa..." I felt so hypnotized into a trance, but I do vaguely recall this moment.

Then, out of the blue, he asked me, "so how was it?" and BAM. I woke from the trance, looked at my hands, realized I was a human, looked around and responded, "how was what??" At this point, I had no idea what was going on, or why my memory seemed to have dissapeared, like I woke up from getting knocked unconscious. He specified, "That fat hit of DMT you just smoked, man!? How was it?!" This shocked me, and I started to chuckle through realizing what just happened (for about 3 seconds) and then I burst into tears. For those 3 seconds, this thought process went through my head: I realized, "I'm alive, I'm a human, this was all a DMT trip" and then I remembered who I was and everything I knew again (that was attached to my identity), and I was back on earth. I then thought about the experience I just had while I was fully immersed, and couldn't hold myself together and burst into tears of awe, serenity, and love for the universe, and everything and everyone in it. I gave away the rest my psychedelics after that, but I kept my weed, for that was the only drug I felt was most important to me after that. I thought I would never want to smoke DMT again after that, but I was absolutely glad I did it.

I was in such a brotherly-loving mood. I said, "give me a hug man! I f'n love you bro!" and I hugged him so hard, like aggressive love. I then turned to his friend and said "you got bad vibes man! But I still love you though!" His vibes were bothering me the whole night in general, and I didn't want him to take it personal but I felt the need to be honest with him and let everything out to everyone. Perhaps that wasn't necessary to say to him, but at the time, I felt like being my most honest self was the right thing to do, and I didn't see any bad reprocussions coming from it. I basically spent the rest of the night raving about my experience after I'd some time to process it. I felt the need to try so hard to explain to them what I saw and felt during the experience, and I couldn't get over how mind-blowing and full of astonishment and awe it was.

It was getting late so we decided to leave and I finally started to feel buzzed after that, like I released whatever was holding that back from me. J called another friend of his with a car to pick us up. I was in the back seat just going on about my experience, then I spilling my lonely heart out to him (j), "I have so much romantic love and no one to give it to. I'm so lonely." I was so emotional and I felt like my soul was wide enough open to feel how I needed to feel.

I think I wasn't able to fully take everything the experience could have offered me because I was in a bad place mentally, and I was with someone I didn't know or trust, and I was drinking so much alcohol. I can't reflect too much on this because my focus was so hazy due to my depression at the time, and because it happened such a long time ago, and because I was drunk, even if I wasn't really feeling drunk at first. But what I can take from it is that I realized that I really wasn't over my ex-girlfriend and I realized the damage it caused my heart and soul. I realized I needed healing, and I know it didn't happen for me in this experience alone.

If I was in the right mind, I would have changed many aspects about my experience. (Despite the good effect I may have gotten from it.) My mind-set was terrible, which may have not been such a bad thing, considering it seemed to wider open my eyes to how I was feeling, and get a clearer perspective on my mental hang-ups deep inside. I still think I could have been smarter about a lot of the aspects of the experience.

Tripping during depression, with someone I just met, and while drinking alcohol are all things I would have liked to do differently.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 114122
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Mar 4, 2020	Views: 1,293
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DMT (18), LSD (2), Alcohol - Beer/Wine (199) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Depression (15), Relationships (44), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)