DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 bump	insufflated	Cocaine
T+ 1:15	45 g	oral	Mushrooms	(sclerotia)
T+ 1:15		oral	Tea

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

Yesterday at 12:45 PM, I began to eat 45 grams of fresh, magic truffles. This consisted of 15 grams of Hollandia, 15 grams of dragon and 15 grams of Tampanesis. The truffles had been delivered to me just a few days before. I received them from a vendor I previously used and felt this was a good and a safe source.

At 12:55 PM, I had finished chewing all the truffles. I think I had a few scoops of yogurt. I had some herbal tea and maybe a bite of chocolate. Basically, I did not eat a whole lot that day. I did a bump of blow to clear my system at about 11:30 AM. I took a bath. I prepared my environment. The previous evening I had taken my usual medications which include Xanax, cyclobenzaprine and Wellbutrin XL. The day of my journey I did not take any medication or supplements. I was tired before taking the truffles but it’s something I wanted to do so I went ahead with it.

I’m feeling somewhat disconnected more than 24 hours later. It's a little bit difficult to do things. My thoughts feel somewhat disjointed. Overall, I feel good. I have done psychedelics three times previously- about two weeks ago (I actually did Hollandia truffles 8 grams one day and 15 grams two days later not realizing the temporary tolerance factor) and once about ten years ago, I did an unknown amount of dried mushrooms. All were positive experiences. I felt comfortable using truffles again by myself as I did about two weeks ago. I have very, very bad OCD, some anxiety and some depression. I have pets and I feel very safe in my home. I was safe and all living things around me were safe without a sitter.

I’m not sure exactly when I started to feel the effects after chewing everything and drinking some green tea separately. I had gone into my bedroom and was in bed just laying there. I had my pets around me and felt very safe. I did have a journal and I occasionally wrote something. My entry was at 2:19 PM “wow oh shit wow”. At 2:45, I wrote, “oh fuck have nothing dangerous around. Thoughts are dark.” I think this was more a note to myself for future journeys. Kind of like “don’t have anything dangerous in the house” advice. I do own a gun. There are scissors, knives, and razors. At no point did I touch any of these objects or contemplate hurting myself but I was aware these things were in my home and near me. At one point, I put my pets outside my bedroom and stayed in my room alone. Things did make me really irritable at times. My pet’s breathing seemed so loud and distracting. I knew I wouldn’t hurt my pet but I wished he would not breathe so loud. During these difficult moments, I made a concentrated effort and refocused my thoughts.

I have a lava lamp. I have music. I have a tablet. At times, I felt like I had sensory overload. Sometimes there was just music and sometimes it was only one song looped. Other times, I had music on with the lava lamp. I even had music on, the lava lamp, a strobe light, star lamp and kaleidoscope-moving lamps all at once while looking at a kaleidoscope video on YouTube. When I had absolutely nothing on and was in total darkness, my thoughts really went deep. These were not always positive thoughts. I had thoughts from my childhood that were not good or bad. They were just the most detailed memories of the smallest things long forgotten. I could clearly see my room as a small, small child. I was thinking about my mom, thinking about things I have done and feel guilty about, thinking about the significant other in my life and the fact I am dependent on this person. I also truly love this person unconditionally. Some of these things while they were very positive were terrifying at the same time.

I definitely had difficulty deciding whether I was a part of reality or reality was even real. The entire time I was aware I was on truffles. knew I was on a journey. I knew it was temporary. I knew physically there was no chance of an overdose or death. At times, I felt like I was dying but it didn’t matter if I died. I did not have suicidal thoughts. The thoughts were more along the lines of “Why are we here? Why does it matter? None of this matters.” And again it wasn’t bad. It was just a realization of how insignificant one individual is in the whole universe. I don’t believe I experienced ego death. In fact, several times I felt incredibly narcissistic and I even got up to fix my hair at one point. I was thinking a lot about my looks and aging. Did someone find me attractive? I was also thinking a lot about my OCD and how bad it was. I still was doing routine things I feel like I had to do but I was extremely aware of how irrelevant it was so at some point I had brought some of my pets back into the room around 6:30 PM and I had a couple bites of something. It definitely helped me to get up and turn a couple lights on, walk around but I don’t think it would’ve been advisable for me to go out away from my home. I did go in my backyard after dark and I felt okay. I was looking at the sky. I was looking at the stars but I wanted to go back inside so I did. Various times throughout the journey, I felt cold or hot, basically uncomfortable. There was a sense of irritability and an awareness I was on a journey. I knew I had taken a psychedelic but I questioned if that really was the case or if this non-reality was the reality.

I think back to all my journeys. All these experiences I think are very difficult to describe. I wanted to take notes during this journey but I also felt like “don’t take notes just be in this moment”. It also came to mind how absolutely egotistical it seemed. I mean I felt like a megalomaniac that I would be taking notes. That my journey should be so interesting to the rest of the world. Even writing this, I feel like it’s just incredibly narcissistic; however, while I was on the journey I did search to see who else had taken 45 grams of truffles and three different strains. I wanted to know what happened to them and what they experienced. That’s why I am putting this report together. And I really wish this was legal everywhere. I think it is so beneficial because while I had moments that were scary (and maybe scary isn’t even the right word), I do not consider any of this a bad trip. I think there are difficult moments in every trip I’ve taken. There were definitely difficult moments in last night's trip. It does feel better knowing that I was okay mentally. I was okay. I feel like it’s an awareness that mentally I am strong. It makes me feel good to know mentally I am capable of caring for myself.

Back to the trip… the visuals were amazing. Everything truly does have a life all of a sudden. My clothes and blanket needed to be treated well. I wondered if I was “hurting” my pillow. I felt like it was very important to check on my pets. Do they have water? Do they have food? Are they okay?

I really, really wanted to experience ego death. I still do because I don’t think any one individual is incredibly significant yet maybe we are all incredibly significant as a whole. I’m not sure. I’m not exactly sure. I know I will take another journey. I know I learn from every one of these journeys. I’ll remember more about last night as the days go by. Today I took a walk outside with my pets and it was good. I definitely just need to chill today and that’s cool. I experienced an overall sense of “this is good” during the trip and definitely today I am incredibly grateful for the experience psychedelics have provided me. I know during the journey I cried. There were overwhelming emotions. Sometimes it was difficult. Sometimes it was really beautiful and thinking about it now I am incredibly grateful and thankful for the people I have in my life, the people I have known, the people I love, the people I have lost, the pets I’ve lost. It’s just all good.

My journey lasted about 12 hours. I want to say sometime around 1 AM I turned off all the music and lights and just decided “my brain is really tired. I’m going to go to sleep.” It was difficult to go to sleep. Occasionally it would seem like there was a little flicker of light and so I knew I still had the effects going. I woke up after only a few hours and I had something to eat. I went back to bed again at 5 o’clock in the morning. I still had little flickers and little glimmers. I woke up today around 9 AM and I totally feel like I went on a mental journey. And it makes sense that it’s somewhat tiring and that’s not a bad thing. I feel like there’s so much more I want to say here, there’s so much more I want to remember right this minute but this is the gist of it and I hope it helps someone somewhere. Thank you for reading.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114197
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 44
Published: Mar 31, 2020	Views: 1,718
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Mushrooms - P. tampanensis (133), Mushrooms (39) : Difficult Experiences (5), Depression (15), General (1), Alone (16)