DOSE: T+ 0:00	150 mg	oral	DXM	(capsule)
T+ 5:00		IV	Heroin
T+ 0:00	repeated	vaporized	Cannabis - High THC	(extract)
T+ 0:00	0.5 mg	oral	Pharms - Clonazepam

BODY WEIGHT:

110 lb

Before I start, I must state that while very experienced with a lot of types of drugs, I wouldn't call myself particularly "intrepid", nor a major fan of hallucinogens (not in the way some people look for "shamanistic" experiences with dissociation) when this happened to me. I had “robotripped” many times, but to me it was “nothing”, just a mildly pleasant way to get by stressful social situations. And I REALLY did not even know it was a hallucinogen!

Notice that I say “happened to me” rather than “I had this experience”, for I really felt like I didn’t do this. I had to piece it together afterwards to realize that the culprit was DXM, for everyone around (boyfriend, police, ambulance and doctors) had already decided that my heroin use was at fault, must have been laced with “something” (on that note let’s be clear that the heroin was consumed intravenously, and so the effects would have been immediate). Heroin, even in this age of top-of-the-line synthetic drugs, is still the “straight” peoples’ “boogeyman” … So normal, in a way, that even I did not think of the OTC medication first!

I’ll try hard but, have no words to clearly explain what I felt (reading about DXM and its multiple “plateaus” might help you understand, especially third and up). It was WAY too far for from what I experience with my usual senses, and far too scary to compare to anything. Here we go.

I weight 110lb pounds. When I first thought of “robotripping”, it was mainly out of looking for something cheap and easy to get. I’m usually alone, and dislike stimulants (save for MDMA if out and around techno). I already became a heroin addict (in a desperate attempt to get off GHB addiction, unknown by the medical community at the time), and so on methadone treatment for 10 years now. But that night… my pharmacy had closed early on account of Covid-19 and I didn’t get my week’s supply. Feeling off and scared of how long I’d have to wait, I got heroin. Much earlier (maybe 5 hours) I had taken 5 DXM pills (like gel caps, 30mg). Shooting heroin caused nothing more than making me feel normal. So, my boyfriend and I started watching a comedy when I decide to smoke some weed (legal). The thing with legal weed is that I know exactly what’s in it, and this one was a 22% THC Indica, which usually gets my head going a little, and less frequently, a little “panicky” (that being dose dependent). So, none of the drugs were total unknowns, and until that point, none had done anything new. Until…

About 10 minutes after the “joint” (I don’t know how much weed this means, let’s just say I have a PAX 3 vaporizer and it was full) I suddenly “knew” something was “off”. I was in a nighty, didn’t care, put on my winter coat and asked my boyfriend to follow me and why. I thought fresh air and moving would do it. Just in case, I popped a clonazepam 0.5 (in retrospect, I should have taken a lot more), thinking it would take effect during our walk. But once outside… I KNEW. I kept telling my boyfriend how sorry I was. He didn’t get that I was talking about the future until I stopped, took his hand HARD and told him to call an ambulance.

At that point, the hallucinations weren’t bad, of the “things getting long and narrow” type, but there was more, and it was GETTING WORSE FAST (thus far 10 minutes past since the joint). Once I saw the sirens, I could not make out objects nor people. From what I been told, I rolled up in a ball on the sidewalk and stopped moving. My pulse was racing. Inside, it was PURE FEAR. I was trying to say (was I, or was I just thinking) that I could not breathe, that hot metal was filling me, going in but not out, I was suffocating. Then (for nearly 4 hours) I just felt dead, or like I was dying, without time or spatial or no other references whatsoever… just some dark (grey/brown/yellow?) spacescape (but not?) and the CERTAINTY that what was going on was that I was dead, and that the extremely rapid but minute changes I saw/felt (I really don’t have any words to put it, I read somewhere “pre-speech” sensations and it totally applies) had to do with the whole history of the physical world (from big bang to bacteria in the sea to now) repeating, and that I might have a way out (of being dead but still sentient) IF the whole thing would bring me back to the right second before I stopped being able to speak: it meant going without air all this time, and also, not fucking up and MISSING that precious minute, or else history might have to go around again… or not, and what I was feeling would be IT. FOREVER. A bad trip within a bad trip. I even had the thought, quickly, that THIS was REAL death, that no one knew but we were all sentient, suffering mind energy once dead, and that’s what being sentient meant. The “pure” world was just metallic.

I was breathing in, all that, weirdly “swallowing” whatever “images” I saw in some grotesque 8-shaped eternity symbol, no sounds, no other sensations than suffocation and fear, timelessness and urgency.

One thing changed at some point, which I attribute to vomiting: since I had not eaten, the only thing that came out was bile. And since bile is pungent, THAT somehow reached my consciousness; in what way did it affect what it contained, I don’t know, but it’s the ONLY thing that made it thought while being surrounded, moved, pricked did not. A question for scientists.

NO ONE NEED THIS EXPERIENCE. No one. And the fact the hospital did nothing (I looked non-threatening, why give me anything to make ME feel calmer? Pff).

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114223
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 48
Published: Apr 7, 2020	Views: 2,060
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DXM (22), Cannabis (1) : Small Group (2-9) (17), What Was in That? (26), Bad Trips (6), Combinations (3)