DOSE:		oral	LSD	(gel tab)
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

At 8 o’clock on a warm night in May, my boyfriend T (pseudonyms used) and I started our drive to the city to go pick up some acid for a trip that we had just decided to take on a whim. A little while into our drive, he grabbed my hand and told me that he had a really strong, uneasy feeling that something was about to happen. I always trust these sorts of feelings, premonitions I think, and I assured him that we would be extra careful on the drive there. As I get into the actual trip, I think it is important that I preface this with a little background on our relationship so that you can get a better picture of why everything happened. T and I met when we lived in different countries and have dated since then almost entirely long distance. About a year and a half ago we met completely by chance (now I believe it was fate), and he eventually moved 1,100 miles away from home to be with me. Against all odds we are together now. He is my best friend, the love of my life, and that I already knew. Him and I have been able to trip together several times now, and though I feel that we have both had intense experiences that have made us undeniably respect the power of psychedelics, I couldn’t have imagined where the night would take us.

A little before midnight when we got back into town, we both took right around 300ug in gel tabs and let them dissolve in our mouths on the short drive back to my apartment. We put a pizza in the oven, and about 35 minutes after we took the tabs I slowly began feeling a slight buzz; a familiar intro into the come up. I began to notice my eyes softly pulling and twirling the pattern of the granite countertop. We both love the visual experience that we get from smoking while tripping , and I had some GOOD fucking weed to roll (like seriously Cookies level all purple and white). So we decided I should probably go ahead and roll a blunt before rolling became too much of a challenge. We ate, and I put the couple gram blunt at my bedside for when the time was right.

Nothing was incredibly interesting at first, T and I both felt our chests getting heavier, and I felt my body becoming very edgy as per usual before a trip. A little time passed and I began to have some slight visuals, something like faint, technicolor static rings, morphing around in little patterns on the walls and ceiling. For the first two hours, everything in my room had a slight tinge around it like this. We both felt a bit looney tunes, as if we were just left of a great mood, but nowhere near a bad one. Mostly I danced around the room, singing to T. Somewhere a little after 2 we completely stopped having any visuals, our mood steadied off, and we then proceeded to start talking shit on the acid. T was beside me on the ground not feeling anything, and while attempting to hold onto hope for our trip I think my exact words were “You’re laying on the ground right now just being a fucking hater”. We decided it was time to smoke, and hoped it would kickstart our trip. It did.

So right around 2:30 we started smoking, about halfway in I started getting the most intense sensation that I could not feel my skin. It was good weed. Any pressure on my body almost made my skin feel like static. Numbness seeped into my legs from the way the bed and the floor were touching me, and I could not feel which muscles I was using. I was trying to reconcile how I felt in my head while T kept smoking, but I was blanking. I would like to be able to recount exactly what happened in the moments that directly followed me smoking, but truly it was the most disoriented I have ever been so I can hardly remember. This was like a glitch state of complete neutrality that was now leaning towards a very bad feeling.

We were talking, and the conversation was straight up bewildering me. As soon as I would pinpoint a certain thought that might help me grasp the conversation, I would forget what we were even talking about. I felt as though I couldn’t communicate with him properly and I could see in his face that I wasn’t saying things in a way that made sense. After a little while this subsided for the most part, and led into what I can only call the first rite of passage on a journey that would begin to develop from that moment on. I won’t get into specifics on what exactly led up to this, but with a few words and a split second realization, I unpacked a phobia that I have spent years trying to come to terms with. A fear that has so uniquely affected my relationship with T, though I hadn’t ever fully shared with him in this way. Realizing the fear and hurt I carried, was a somber experience for the both of us. I trust T with my life, but up until that point I had just never thought of the trauma I had experienced in this way. It was a profound moment of emotional intimacy, heightened by the drug beginning to work itself into our bodies. This raw vulnerability that we shared I believe opened a door of possibility for what was to come.

It was my one instance of complete clarity in this section of time. I felt the music in the background put us in the same channel, a flow, and I would hear music in the back of my mind for the rest of the trip even when there was none at all. It was so powerful that we could feel one another’s energy coursing through the room after. At this point I was still slipping so deeply in and out of disorientation that I did not know what to make of what had just happened, or if it was just me that had felt this special moment because I myself had just had such a profound realization. I asked him several times if it was real. If he felt that there was something special about the way that conversation felt. We weren’t exactly new to hard conversations in this type of environment, and it’s always special, but he wholeheartedly agreed and we sat there for a moment feeling the aftershock that this had put into the air. Initially I chalked this up to the care we have for one another, the sadness I felt from realizing one of my deepest fears, and the openness that we were beginning to feel from the LSD. Now I know this connectivity bonded us in a way that opened the door for something else.

After I regained the connection between my brain, body, and mouth, I started to look around the room. I noticed that the beige of the wall coupled with the yellowish glow of the light made the room look like a giant cascading sand castle. Like slow waves of sand sifting down 20 foot ceilings (this part was not a hallucination our room has ridiculous 20 foot ceilings). If you can imagine a real-life version of the sand castles in Mario, that is exactly what it looked like. We moved to the floor where my laptop was projecting to the TV, and tried to figure out how to change the music. We put on New Person, Same Old Mistakes by Tame Impala and sat there for a moment in front of the wall next to my dresser. We began to notice how our eyes were picking up the patterns in every print. The texture in the paint began turning into perpetually, slow spinning knobs that stuck out a few inches from the wall. From there the knobs seemingly connected and morphed into something more flat, almost like a sticker. The circular three pronged shapes became something of a large flower, a sticker of dark army green against my beige wall. In a moment, the flower disappeared into the wall followed immediately by a rushing blue tunnel, with as much depth as was the sensation that the tunnel was rushing towards us. There were pink rectangular tiles curved on the inside moving vertically around the tunnel. I could see the normal flat wall with one part of my eyes, and the tunnel with a different part of my eyes.

T and I had been talking out what we were seeing in every transition, shocked to realize we were seeing the same things before either of us had ever said it. We only saw the tunnel for a split second or two, both overwhelmed with what we were seeing. I was even almost covering my eyes at this point. We talked for a bit after, completely mind-blown about what we just saw. In hindsight, I feel that we accessed some sort of a portal or vortex. A few moments passed and we slid back onto the middle of the floor. There, we examined the wood underneath us which now presented the optical illusion that we were at a table. The floor being the table top. The dark parts of the floor lifted slightly and I ran my finger over the glowing underneath of the light parts. In between each dark grain, was glowing moonstone, hard to the touch. We both awed at this, the room was alive with energy, I especially could feel it pulsing through my muscles.

My memory jumps here and picks up at a turning point in our trip. The music in my mind was only what I can describe as rising, like non-human voices singing, aw-ing, and bringing us up to a gauntlet. Chaotic, beautiful, and terrifying. Somewhere near a peak. I looked at the wall across from us in our room, one with a window above the bed, and in one moment I realized that I could change my perspective of reality into a 2D nightmare that began right at the end of my nose, and pulled everything in my vision to a flat forefront. I couldn’t even look. Without thinking I began to tell T that if he looked that way that you could see everything “like this” and I waved my hand in front of my eyes. I saw his gaze switch to that side of the room, in a split second he was physically taken aback. Tears welled in his eyes and I watched as pure terror washed over him. The look shattered my heart. I grabbed his face in my hands trying to bring him back, and he told me he did not know if he would be able unsee this. We were crying and I was holding his face telling him that if he had to see this way any longer that it would only be for a few more hours. I felt as if I had broken his mind, and was terrified that my boy would now have the kind of trip people get PTSD from after this. His lip was quivering and he said to me “I do not want to see like this anymore”. Holding back tears, I told him as calmly as I could that I saw it too, but that facing towards the dark bathroom gave enough shadow and depth to help. I told him we could try that and gently started to shift the other way. He grabbed my arm and I felt the voices aw-ing in my head. “But I kind of do,” he said.

He faced the wall, tears running down his face. So brave and piecing together his shattered perception of reality. The way this touched my heart, an overwhelming sense of pride hit me, and sent a burst of energy into the air. So strong it was almost like light radiating from our bodies. I could not stop vibrating deep in my chest, though I could feel the difference from this and my physical body trembling in fear. I knew we were going to be able to get each other through this no matter how scared either of us got.

We stood up and held each other. I looked into his face and noticed a glowing red and orange stitching that kept disappearing and replacing itself in new parts of his face. I ran my hands over the seams around the bridge of his nose. I felt as though I could undo the stitching and open him. We locked hands and looked at one another. In the past I have taken large doses of shrooms and seen eyes everywhere. This phenomenon has never scared me, in fact I feel calmed looking back into them until they turn into my own dark eyes sparkling back at me. This time I saw billions of tiny ones, blinking and closing all at different times, overlayed on everything in my field of vision. T’s pupils were the size of nickels and the thin edge of color around his pupils glowed green. It almost overwhelmed my body too much to look at, but I forced myself. I stared into his face and told him about the blanket of eyes that I was seeing. He was in awe, his eyes were telling me to show him. I truly felt like I was being compelled in a way; to tell him how he could see it too. I told him to look into my eyes and try to focus on his peripherals at the same time. To use all parts of our physical eyes. Our gaze locked in, and in a moment we both saw each other in crystal clear image, as if the room paused and time stood still. He saw six large versions of my eyes in different parts of my body. For me, all of the tiny eyes were suspended, open and closed as they were in the exact moment our eyes met. We were looking into one another.

Another wave rocked the room and took my breath away for a moment. We were able to talk in this moment of stillness, knowing something about this was transcending any normal trip experience. I am no stranger to big doses of psychedelics, but the power coming from the connections we were having was something I’ve never experienced. I felt like a vessel for projecting and absorbing this energy. I knew that I could guide my partner into opening something. Now, I think we allowed each other to open what some might call the third eye. He says these moments for him were more than surreal, a journey to transcendence that his soul and heart could feel. I did not know it then, but we were already there, in astral projection. We were on a soul plane where our two souls were meeting for the first time, yet still seemed familiar. In a split second I was able to see straight through parts of his body to the other side of my bedroom. I looked down at my own body and I too was invisible. I began shrinking. I had used too much of my energy helping both of us to “see” for the first time. T towered over me and I was two feet tall while the room grew and grew. My physical body was in the shadows recovering from the loss of light I had projected. But as if someone had whispered the answer into my ear, I got immediate comfort. I was not disappearing, my soul was simply recharging. Diminishing from that point of energy only FELT like disappearing. I calmed down my breathing and tried to control it through the vibrations. I began to return to normal size.

Now when I looked at T’s face he almost sparkled and floated above the floor. His “body” looked like how a ghost’s might, glittering with no shape, just an essence in our room. He says from the moment we locked eyes, every time he looked at me it was as if I was only inches away from him even when I was across the room. Like big orbs that he could no longer pick one look at, but was forced to look into both. I got the disturbingly intrusive thought that we had taken part in some kind of ritual. I latched onto this, and the idea crashed into my thoughts. To my core, I believed that we had somehow completed a ritual series of the most powerful human connections, and that we had now unlocked some sort of trial in an altered reality that we could only escape by going deeper. Trembling in fear, I explained this to T. My mind could only see the terrors that we might have to face in some cosmic gauntlet. He told me he believed 100% that our souls were somewhere else in between dimensions right now, that he could feel it, but that he did not think we needed to be scared. He did not think we were being tested rather than exploring. I trusted that he felt parts about this the same way I was feeling them. When we left the room to get some water it felt as though there was a very thin layer between the dimension we had found, and the one our physical bodies were in. I gave T a slice of lemon coated in sugar. It was like the best candy in the world.

When we came back, we sat on the couch in my room facing each other. A tear fell down my cheek and I asked him if this changed what he thought about the afterlife. Neither of us believe in God, I am a little more spiritual than him in a sense because I’ve always believed in some sort of afterlife, higher power, and the need to have a good soul for these reasons. He shook his head and told me that this experience was changing what he thought about everything. He was scared, but so happy that we were going there together. From there we moved to the bed where I felt a sort of trial begin for me. From that point on, T was only a resemblance of his physical self, though his essence was still very clear. It was his essence that I was able to hold on to. There were times when the visuals I was projecting onto his face were abstract and terrifying. I do not necessarily remember in chronological order here, but I know that at one point I saw both of his eyes sprout 3 more below themselves, his mouth dropped down and stretched wide to show his fangs, and all 6 of his pupils were thin like a snake’s. Another moment, all of his features were bobbing around independent of each other until he looked like some sort of a fucked up cartoon. My favorite was when his head became a cube and his face became completely symmetrical in every way. Kind of hilarious even. The next moment his skin became so smooth and perfect it looked almost like still liquid. I know I had the most tripped out look when I touched his face and told him that he looked almost perfect.

Immediately after I said that he became a doll or some ultra realistic mannequin. He could feel my hesitation to look at him sometimes, and the thought of me being scared of him was tapping away at his self image. One moment he brought out his phone and looked at himself in the camera. He was shocked and honestly horrified at what was looking back at him. He put his head down, grabbed my hands, and told me he was so sorry that that was what I had to see right now. His eyes are so intense and color vivid normally, that in this state he saw how easy it was for my mind to manipulate him into something else. He began to cry and apologize to me over and over. Even in that moment he looked startling to me, like an abstract painting of Picasso, all of his features shifting inches vertically from their usual positions. I grabbed him and held him tightly. The whole time I was trying not to be scared of him I had been getting the sensation that his soul was drifting a little further from mine... that he was somehow losing his sense of self and unable to reconcile who he thought he was with how he was feeling. I told him he had to put it back together right now. I assured him I knew that it was not him I was seeing. It didn’t matter how scary my visuals got because I get scared easily anyways. No matter what, I would not be afraid to look at him, and be here with him. Later, he told me that during that time he had begun to lose himself and was scared of what might have happened if I had not snapped him out of it.

After I forced myself to face him no matter how my eyes were deceiving me, we decided to try and look into each other again. We grabbed hands and tried to focus on using all parts of our eyes to look at each other. I saw his eyes begin to shake rapidly, his pupils duplicated all over the white of his eyes until the moment our pupils locked into each other. The second they connected, both of our pupils immediately dilated almost to the size of quarters. We both gasped and my whole body started violently vibrating. He told me that when this happened my eyes deepened into a tunnel of sorts and he could see all the way inside of me. Now we knew this was real, we were doing magic, playing together on a plane where that was possible. We noticed that when T moved away from me, the vibrating calmed down a bit, and the closer he got the more intense it got. Without thinking I grabbed his hands and put his palms against my legs. I have never felt anything comparable to the feeling. I began to sob and it felt as though all of my blood was evaporating. My whole body was vibrating deep in my chest and brain. I was absorbing his energy. It was coursing through me and I got the sensation that my body was being filled. I took his hands away and the vibrating calmed. I put them back and the shaking was as violent as before and completely involuntarily. My brain felt HOT. I looked at him, put my hands on my chest trying to steady myself, and I told him that no matter what we knew this was real now.

There were moments following that I felt very deeply that my mind was going to try to attack what I knew, and how I felt. Like an army of doubt trying to derail the authenticity of our experience. The skepticism in the logical part of my brain that had been blocked out, was now trying to creep in and convince me that nothing that happened was real. Intrusive thoughts were telling me that this was all just the drug. I got the feeling that this was another test to see if I could hold onto this. The same way I had to face the fear of what I was seeing physically so that I could stay in this realm with my soulmate. I told him that my thoughts were trying to doubt what we were experiencing and that I was scared that my memory would remember this in a way that didn’t seem real. I realized something about the limitations of our worldly bodies. Our memories have a way of suppressing themselves and affecting the light in which we remember them. Our brains constantly lie to us. T and I began to unpack the facade of the human experience: why we are the way we are... We broke it down into segments as we talked. The Soul supports our imagination. Our imagination is our fears, our perceptions of reality, our humor, and many other things. Imagination and Thought combine to make the personality i.e the image of who we are to ourselves and the different versions of ourselves we present to people. We got stuck here as we began to think about Thought. Even for a second, thinking about the voices in our heads was so overwhelming that we agreed we wouldn’t touch it. It is too easy to get lost in your head in a place like this.

Everything was making perfect sense between us. We were on the same channel of the same wavelength. T looked at me, serious as the fucking plague, and said very softly that he did not think we were exactly speaking English. I freaked out. He grabbed my hands and told me that he didn’t mean we were talking in tongues or anything, but more that we were talking in a way that wouldn’t communicate to other people right now. He was right. We were talking half-sentence-nonsense, but he perfectly understood me, and he knew I was perfectly understanding him. He asked me strangely if I felt something almost... inside my head, I thought about my mind for a second and realized it felt as though something outside of my head was imposing on/influencing my thoughts. He asked me that because he felt the same way. Something had told him that it was each other. That we were passing, influencing, and sharing the thoughts between our two brains in a way that made our conversation only clear to us. In this place where we had made some of the most powerful human connections, we formed a bond that allowed us to do magic, to release and absorb each other's energies, and now we were so connected to each other that we were able to tap into some form of telepathy. We had been doing it the whole time, and aside from my visual trials on the bed, our trip was almost visually identical from start to finish. We were traveling in the same tunnel in this dimension.

After this T and I were completely physically drained, he kept bringing the cup to me to drink, and told me softly that we had to calm down and take care of our bodies for a bit. It’s very easy to give your physical body a panic attack in this state. We can’t forget we took acid. At some point during one of these little breaks, we checked the time. 4:20am. The universe was entertaining us with coincidental shit that we would think was funny. Letting us know that even when we felt more normal that we still weren’t quite in our world. We started to calm down and I remember looking T in his eyes and his face was the only thing my eyes would see. I told him at that moment that I was having the out-of-body feeling that we were in a never ending room outside of my bedroom. His eyes went wide and he told me that as I was telling him that, he saw us in third person, in a blank, white, never-ending space with no floor, ceilings, or walls. I said to him that this experience must have meant that we were soulmates, and that we were able to do this because of it. He said maybe we are soulmates and everything that has happened was our souls meeting each other for the first time, playing with one another. That’s what I would like to believe. I do not believe most people can bring a partner into their astral projection. I think it takes two empaths that have a deep care and connection to each other in a very pure way. Whether that be a best friend, a partner, or someone else important. Every moment of our journey was purely terrifying, beyond surreal, and every bit as beautiful as it was scary.

There was a moment where I very seriously questioned if we were dead. I considered that we had probably OD’d in some way and were now in the afterlife. I felt every emotion at once more times than I can count. We shared a life-changing experience that I am sure could be interpreted many ways, but it has given me faith where I had none. I am not alone in this life and I will not be in the next one. I have found someone to go through some crazy shit with. Someone to help me find a portal that takes us to a soul plane at 4am on a Wednesday. wtf. That night was an eternity and only a few moments all at the same time.

After we officially came off the peak, around 7 o’clock, T and I headed up to the top of the parking garage with a memory foam bed cover, a blanket, a blunt, and a fat bowl of Lucky Charms. It was the most perfectly cool spring morning. We threw the pad on top of my car and climbed up. I have never ever in my life seen the sky more beautiful. There was a swirling orange fire growing and changing colors on the horizon. Pink cotton candy clouds everywhere. The sky was truly every color of the rainbow. It looked like the town below us was a big valley, with all of the different shades of green trees changing colors too. There was a treeline topping off the rim of a bowl that we were right in the middle of. I knew that we had let such a beautiful thing into the universe. The sky was like that because of us.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114234
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: Apr 11, 2020	Views: 1,674
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
OBE (332), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), General (1)