DOSE: T+ 0:00	2 g	oral	Mushrooms	(dried)
T+ 0:00	4 g	oral	Mushrooms	(fresh)
T+ 0:00	5 seeds	oral	H.B. Woodrose
T+ 4:00	1 cig.	smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes
T+ 4:00	25 mg	oral	Pharms - Quetiapine

BODY WEIGHT:

75 kg

Pretext:

This experience took place on a school night when I was 17 years old. Between ages 16-17 I was experimenting with weed, mushrooms, codeine and basically anything I could get my hands on. At the time I was also living with my parents and siblings.

Up until this point I've had a handful of trips, spanning from lower doses of mushrooms and HWBR seeds (LSA) to higher doses of both but never combined. At this point I felt like I was pretty well acquainted with psychedelics but looking back I noticed that my trips were starting to become darker and I should have taken this as a warning.

I decided I wanted an intense trip so I opted to take lemon tek 2 grams of dried mushrooms, 4g of fresh mushrooms (that I picked earlier that day) as well as 5 HBWR seeds.

A majority of the trips I had were by myself (and sometimes, with my parents home) and I honestly preferred tripping by myself; I thought that I’d be able to handle this experience.

I didn’t have any lemons so I opted to use lime juice instead. After letting them soak for 20-30 minutes, I downed the lime juice, chewed the soaked pieces and then ate the 4g of fresh mushrooms. Once I had finished the fresh mushrooms, I chewed and ate the HBWR seeds – chewing and eating them whole is a nauseating experience which tends to make me feel like I’ve been poisoned.

- Onset -

T: 00:20+
I started to get distinct heaviness / knots in my stomach, this quick onset caught me off guard (this was the first time I did a lemon tek) but I wasn’t overly nervous. I’m starting to see some minor patterns and the walls are starting to breath slightly. My mouth is slightly dry.

- Come Up -

T:00:35+

The visuals are starting to become more apparent and my body feels quite tense (but this wasn’t overly uncomfortable). The head-space of a classic mushroom trip is starting to really take effect here, I decide to turn off my light and close my blinds, leaving me in a pitch black room. The visuals were opaque, but if I focused enough I could see folding, expanding, growing vines and floral patterns that enveloped the entire room.

It was at this point that I realised that this was going to be a difficult experience.

T: 01:00+

I decided to turn on the light, lay on my bed and enjoy the trip as best I could, at this point the visuals weren’t overly crazy but very muddled and threw off my depth perception.

The body load was strong and stoning, it felt like my torso was twisting and sound and touch was also extremely amplified. It was so uncomfortable that each movement I made would give me somewhat of a jolt.

I suddenly became aware that at any moment my parents or siblings could walk in and catch me in an increasingly intoxicated state; this made me extremely anxious.

To give you some context, my room was about 2 metres from the lounge room where my Dad was sitting and watching TV. Funnily enough, tonight was the season premiere for show called Housos (same guys who made Fat Pizza). Its a Aussie comedy that depicts domestic violence, drugs etc and my Dad had the volume turned up very loud.

I froze in fear for around 10 minutes as I was trying to figure out whether the sound was from the TV or whether my parents had found out what I was doing, were having a massive argument and were about to kick in my door to confront me at any moment.

- Peak -

T: 01:20+

I don’t understand what’s happening outside my door.

“Is that my parents arguing?”
“Is that the TV?”
“Does he know I’m tripping? Is that’s why he has the TV up so loud? Is he trying to flush me out of my room?”

All of these thoughts seemed entirely rational at the time and I’d have a mini panic attack whenever someone would shout.

I was completely paralysed and incapable of action. I was trapped, in complete terror and the trip was in full swing. I laid on my bed, staring at the wall and right on que the HBWR seeds started to kick in.

My stomach grumbled and tightened as my visuals and head-space amplified. The muddy, breathing visuals suddenly became sharp and detailed with colourful geometric patterns not unlike LSD’s visual effects.

I’m starting to feel extremely cold and realised now that I need to pee really badly.

T: 02:00+

I’ve been frozen in fear for a good 40 minutes.

The trip is still escalating, my visual field is covered in tracers, my mind is going insane, I’m shivering and my heart-rate is through the roof. I feel like at any moment my heart is going to explode or I’m going to have an aneurysm.

I decide that I need to get up and go to the bathroom; I can’t wait for my parents to go to sleep. Every time I reached for the door handle I’d have a mini breakdown and step away:

“I can’t handle this”
“He’s going to see your eyes, he’ll know that something is up and you can’t handle this confrontation. Not now.”

On the 5th attempt I opened the door and stepped out quietly.

I walked to the bathroom and glanced into the lounge room where my Dad was sitting (keep in mind, he was facing away from me). The ceiling seemed to be 10 meters tall and wobbling while the room stretched into the far distance, it looked like my Dad was sitting a good 50 metres away from me.

The lines that made up skirting boards wiggled and blurred in and out of focus, and the fireplace gave the room a nice, warm and flickering hue for the patterns to do their work on - I tried my best not to stare in fear of getting caught even know my Dad was facing away from me.

I made it to the toilet. The walls were covered in squiggly, colourful lines and were just as distorted as the lounge room. Being in a smaller space made me realise how intense the breathing / distortion effect was.

I got my bearings straight, checked to make sure that no-one was getting up and walked back to my room, making sure not to look at the lounge room again.

T: 02:20+

The trip is still getting more and more intense and it was at this point that it turned inward and became introspective.

Everything bad I had done, every little mistake I made and the people that I had hurt were all put on show as I laid on my bed in silence.

“Why am I like this?”

Even menial disagreements, arguments and the like would almost make me cry from being ashamed, I can’t describe to you what sort of torment actual issues gave me in this head-space. There was no room for rational thought or “sorting it out” so to speak, I was only able to react to my thoughts and not analyse them in the slightest.

It was at this point that a very strange (and persisting) audio hallucination reared its head. The best way I can describe it was a tinnitus like sound that would wind up to an extremely high pitch, then quickly back down to a grumbling low pitch. This noise would change depending on my movements, my thoughts and the sounds around me and would tie in with physical sensations across my body and face.

T: 02:40+

I checked the time for the first time in hours.

Its only been 20 minutes. What I described previously seemed to go on for hours and hours and it was still continuing. The thought loops were intense and only added to the despair as well.

“This is it, you’ve driven yourself insane and you’re going to stay like this forever.”

“How could you ever return to a normal life after what happened tonight? After the absolute hell you’ve dragged your mind through?”

“Your friends and family aren’t going to be able to recognise you anymore”

This was one of the few times in my life where I seriously contemplated suicide. It seemed almost impossible that I would come out of this unscathed. I thought 100% that I’d at least severe anxiety or schizophrenia for the rest of my life, it felt like this head-space and physical effects would persist after the trip. The thought of suicide made me feel even more guilt as I understand that it affects the people around you so much.

For awhile I tried to cry but couldn’t.

- Comedown -

T: 03:00+

My parents went to bed about 10 minutes ago. This gave me some relief as I could get up and potentially leave if I needed to get some air or a change of scenery.

I walked out into the lounge room and saw my cat there chilling on the couch. I gave her a pat and invited her into my room, we were happy to keep each other company.

I laid on my bed going through the same thoughts, it was at this point that the trip was starting to die down. When she saw that I was in agony, she would come up to my face and give me a little nudge on the nose. She would stare into my eyes and to this day I think she is some sort of old soul who was re-incarnated into a cat; she looked at me as if she understood.

It was very comforting to have a companion and I started to feel a lot more grounded.

T: 04:00+

The trip ended abruptly.

The head-space is still there (albeit less intense), but theres no more visuals and no more ringing in the ears.

I’m absolutely exhausted.

I go outside to smoke a cigarette and reflect on exactly what happened. Once I came back inside, I took 25mg of Seroquel and went to sleep at about 05:00 and slept for about 12 hours.

Its been over 7 years and I don’t think I ever integrated what happened that night.

Thankfully, I think the dried mushrooms were degraded quite a bit. I imagine it would have been a much more intense experience if they weren’t.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 114719
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Jun 14, 2021	Views: 700
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mushrooms (39), H.B. Woodrose (26) : Difficult Experiences (5), Post Trip Problems (8), Combinations (3), Alone (16)