DOSE: T+ 0:00	170 ug	sublingual	LSD	(blotter / tab)
T+ 1:30	hits		Nitrous Oxide

During the last school holidays, my friend, Robbie told me that another friend of ours had the house to herself and we were welcome to come over and try LSD for the first time. I have been eager to do so for years and embraced the opportunity. Robbie invited our other friend, Leo, which I was delighted by as I had my own secret hope that he would be able to join in. Leo had dropped acid twice before.

I bought and tested two tabs, advertised as 250 µg each, the day before and met up with the lads at around 9pm. I was disappointed to be starting so late, but had a family dinner scheduled beforehand, so decided to just embrace the night trip. They met me on my bus and we wondered around the coastal suburb, getting a six-pack of beers and some snacks for a couple of other people who were at the host’s house - her friends who I didn’t know.

We arrived and split the two tabs rather haphazardly between the three of us with a pair of scissors, but it ended up close to evenly divided, then dropped them (I initially held mine sublingually). This was at around 9:45pm. As we waited for the come-up, we proceeded to chat with the other visitors, observing each-other’s pupils grow over the next half hour or so.

At 10:30pm-ish, everyone but my fellow trippers, the host, and her close friend left. The host and her friend retreated to her room, getting ready for bed while our night was just beginning. As we waited for a sign of the trip, a table caught our eye. It was wooden and the pattern on its surface had a trippy 3d effect. We spent a long time trying to ascertain whether this was us tripping or the table was just innately trippy. I was disappointed to find that it really was just the table, but, that said, looking back, my state of mind was definitely already altered - I was fascinated by the table, whether it was exhibiting visuals or not; also, I was unconsciously rubbing my hands and feet on the carpet, enjoying the tactile sensation. Around this point, my friends’ jokes had the capacity to send me reeling back, wheezing with laughter.

Robbie and I decided to take a hit of nitrous, hoping it would kickstart the trip, as we weren’t experiencing significant visuals and I hadn’t really registered a change yet (although looking back, it was there in my frame of mind). This was probably around 90 minutes in. I listened to Autechre’s ‘Gantz Graf’ through headphones, which was an odd choice looking back. I would’ve preferred something mellower and less cerebral. Fortunately, the abrasive sounds weren’t overly negative to my ears, just not as appreciated as they might have been sober.

I first noticed visuals soon after as I was lying on the couch, chatting idly with the lads and looking at the overhead lamp - the little black spots in the lamp, dead bugs I assume, started to mesmerisingly fade in and out in a subtle dance. I was extremely excited to be experiencing the visual. Leo told me not to stare at the lamp for the sake of my eye health and I felt very touched by his consideration.

At a certain point, Leo suggested having a snack and we found some bread in the kitchen. I found this to be one of the most altered experiences. It was basically flavourless, but as I chewed I had the feeling that I was compressing and compressing the bread infinitely in my mouth. I asked Leo if his bread was good and he said ‘It’s not good or bad, it’s just bread.’ Aside from being pretty amusing, this felt like an extremely profound nugget of stoicism to me. We continued to ruminate on the bread, observing that individual crumbs are dry, while a whole piece of bread is somewhat moist - Leo mused that of course this was true, as the crumbs are separated from the mother of the bread and so have no sustenance for themselves. We then amused ourself at the thought of eating this personified bread. I found this hilarious and subversive because having expected to be in a mellow and empathetic state, I was instead reveling in the carnage I was reaping onto this poor bread.

Visuals were by this point very fascinating. The pattern on table mentioned earlier swam nicely. The host’s ornate ceiling waved and rippled. We resolved to listen to music separately with headphones for a while, but this did not end up eventuating for quite a while as Leo’s headphones were in his bag, which was in the room where the host and her friend were sleeping. We were very hesitant to go inside, I felt mildly violative, so it was a tentative process. Initially, Robbie headed in and the whole thing felt like a spy mission. This initial attempt was unsuccessful, but did result in the attainment of a bag of chips, which were highly appreciated. I loved the saltiness, which pierced through my otherwise insensitive palette. 
We found ourselves in the bathroom, looking into the mirror. I got the sense that we were three aliens exploring a plane of our own. I loved the childlike imagination. Finally, Leo bit the bullet and found his bag, and I hit shuffle on a playlist I had prepared earlier, headphones on.

A live Bill Evans song came on. It was moderately enjoyable, no more so than it would have been sober. The interesting part was that the whispers of audience members which persist through the whole song felt highly amplified to me, becoming as loud as the instruments themselves. These were neither scary, nor empathetic to me. Just curious. I feel very conscious of my friends moving behind me out of sight as I look at the wall and I’m surprised to find they are still when I turn around.

We then continued to do our own thing, and the other two seemed to drift into another room. The next track to come on on my playlist was by Caroline Shaw, a choral composer, from her Partita for Eight Voices. It’s energetic, sonorous music. I liked the sound of it, so hit play on the entire composition and went to the bathroom. The mirror was overwhelming. My face was covered in patterns that almost looked like small pimples or veins pulsing. Further, the dimensions of my face changed rapidly, to the rhythm of the music. It reminded me of comparisons of focal lengths of camera lenses, like my face was becoming a portrait taken from a bunch of different lenses in quick succession. I also got a sense that this was analogous to ageing. This was overwhelming, and even a little scary, but in a way I appreciated.

Wanting to be both solitary and warm, I draped a blanket over myself and sat in a ball in a corner. Enjoying this, I moved into the uninhabited bedroom and lay down, eventually getting under the covers. For some reason, nothing seemed more appealing than listening to Mitch Hedberg’s standup, even though I haven’t done so for a few years. I listened to the entirety of Mitch All Together, which was delightful and comforting. I had the sense of being an audience member, and delighting in my capacity to laugh very much like a baby would.

The one negative part of my mindset at this point was that I much preferred being alone to the point that I almost felt a little suspicious of my friend, although even at the time I recognised this as irrational. I was actually a little disappointed when Leo came in and felt awkward in my interactions with him. But he was a chill presence, in his own zone, so I grew to appreciate him. At one point, I wanted to explain why I wasn’t particularly social and said, ‘I just really feel like having my own vibe right now… is that OK?’ Leo then looked at me with a smile which I found immensely perceptive and said, ‘Yeah, that’s ok.’ I deeply appreciated this, I almost felt like he had personally blessed me.

I arranged the room to cultivate a tranquil vibe, turning off the overhead light in favour of a mellow bedlam’s, and lay under the covers, still listening to Hedberg. I reveled in the warm tingles which coursed through my body and the ornate ceiling, which in the darker lighting, looked like a fluorescent dance.

At a certain point, Leo asked if he could join me in the king-sized bed and, appreciating his gentleness, I was happy to share with him. However, we remained in our separate worlds. Later, he asked me ‘If the lamp being on was important to my vibe’. And again, I was delighted by the gentleness with which he asked for the room to be darkened. I drifted off to sleep, probably for around 3 hours.

After the trip, I took extended breaks from social media, notably reddit and instagram, and my palette of musical listening narrowed significantly for a time, but since expanded to its usual breadth.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114758
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Apr 8, 2023	Views: 850
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