DOSE:	50 - 100 mg	insufflated	Deschloroketamine	(powder / crystals)
	50 - 100 mg	insufflated	Deschloroketamine	(powder / crystals)
	50 - 100 mg	insufflated	Deschloroketamine	(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

220 lb

After coming off of a heroin binge and going through the cycle of detox, rehab, halfway house... repeatedly... I found myself in this state of psychological numbness that actually still somewhat persists even 5 years later. I've now been sober for ~2 years after multiple failed attempts.

My experience with Deschloroketamine began during one stint of attempted sobriety, this lingering feeling of numbness and apathy for life persisted. I was living in a sober house, regularly drug tested. As long as you passed your tests (sometimes 3 times a week), wasn't being a total douche, and paid your weekly rent, you were allowed to stay.

I found deschloroketamine on the internet and fell in love instantly, and couldn't believe how cheap it was. I could pass my drug tests, I could interact with others and feel halfway normal. Which is all I really wanted. I wanted happiness. I craved it.

Today I ask myself, am I happy? If the answer is yes, I can say, and more importantly feel, that I'm doing well. It sounds simple, but this is the basis for my sobriety today.

Yes, this is a dissociative drug. Yes, there are effects to it that can be considered fun or for "partying", but that's not what I found in this chemical. I found a way to be able to hug my mother and hold my 1 year old niece close to me. It allowed me to interact with others the way I perceived others expected me to.

After weeks of using this substance almost daily, I was building a tolerance. Effects were losing their "magic". I was repeatedly taking doses of 50-100mg, sometimes at two different times a day, for multiple weeks. I say 50-100mg because I never really measured my doses in any reliable way, doses were eyeballed.

The sober house I was living at allowed "overnights" where you could spend the night somewhere else. I opted to do this often, merely because having 3 people sleeping in the same room is uncomfortable to say the least. I would regularly take these overnights at my parents' house which wasn't that far.

On this last occasion of my use of deschloroketamine, I had already dosed two times that day. I decided one more dose before bed would be perfect. Well, little did I know, this is how we fall into a psychosis.

This is all second hand knowledge from this point forward (I remember bits and pieces of it, but not all).

I started screaming. I felt like I had magical powers (I never thought I could check that box off on the detox entry forms). I had completely lost my mind, I was running all around the house in the middle of the night. Needless to say, an ambulance was called. I tried to fight a cop? Really? Eventually they coaxed me to get into the ambulance on my own which is when I really stop remembering anything.

I wake up in a psych ward. To start back at square one again. I'll never forget that feeling of square one, after feeling it so many times. Maybe that's part of why I've remained sober for as long as I have at this point. I've learned that we may think we know what this substance or experience is going to provide us, but we'll more likely find ourselves in a cycle of dreadful surprise.

My hospitalization resulted from dosing between 50-100mg 3 times spread throughout one day. At least that’s what the psychiatrist I saw blamed it on. Although I told her it was ketamine and not deschloroketamine. I doubt there’s much difference when either substance results in psychosis as my experience did.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 115260
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Mar 13, 2021	Views: 2,280
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Deschloroketamine (708) : Difficult Experiences (5), Post Trip Problems (8), Addiction & Habituation (10), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)