DOSE: T+ 0:00	500 mg	oral	Smarts - Phenibut
T+ 0:13	20 mg	oral	4-HO-MiPT
T+ 0:00	50 mg	oral	Pharms - Tianeptine	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

190 lb

Unexpected but Insightful Experience

I've done hippyflipping once, LSD once, DXM to the 3rd plateau a few times, morning glory seeds, acid with DXM, and morning glory with DXM all of those experiences happening when I was 19-21. I'm now 34. I came into this expecting a recreational hippie flipping like experience... Not at all what I got but that's actually a good thing. It turned out to be insightful. Coming back to my senses was the most difficult part of the experience but necessary for insight.

I don't wanna try a higher dose anywhere in the near to medium term future because it's going to take time and work to make more sense of what happened and make real changes in my life based on that. I just wanted to get super high, but this was a totally different thing.

The visuals were mild, but the bodily sensations and headspace and dissociation were intense at times and the introspection during the comedown was very different. Granted the introspection might have more to do with me being much older and more mature than when I did psychedelics when I was younger.

I leaving the notes in their raw form w/out editing to give people an idea of where I was. All of this written here before times are shown is my sober writing to give people a frame of reference.

I regularly take:
500mg phenibut 3x day for anxiety
75mg Amantadine 2x day for adhd
25mg Tianeptine Sulfate 2x day for depression

10:44pm
Took 500mg phenibut

10:57
Ingested 20mg 4-HO-MIPT

11:23
Feel stoned and really relaxed. Not so much high. Just reading a trip report and all. Feeling unfocused but not unpleasantly so.

11:27
Feeling something definitely, not sure what but it is something alright. Maybe kinda like being drunk and stoned and high

11:30
I've definitely taken a drug and I feel fucking good. Tv screen is starting to look and do funny things can't describe what. I likey

11:37
A little naseated, not too bad. Oh fuck I took a drug, I'm going to trip hard soon.
Will watch a little asmr
Feeling tingly and tight

11:40
Feeling jittery but not pushed so nice, compelled to turn light off and get cozy under blanket in my chair. So nice after dealing w/ myself so long to take a break from myself. To have an experience so utterly different and alien that I can't barely associate it to myself. This break from me is euphoric and I love this :D :D :D

Tightness in body similar to morning glory seeds and to a lesser extent LSD

11:48
Feeling connected w/ others experiences in asmr chat

11:58 just over an hour
Some slight time dilation
I just stared at all the hair both my own and dog and cat hairs and thought about how other animals notice this instantly and know about our animals and maybe even the way we interact with them by noticing it's animal fur like theres along w/ all the scent information they gather too
Muscle soreness is an odd sensation

Physically, this "feels" dissociative yet I maintain dexterity and full faculty over my body which is that which is of me. Mentally I dunno a stimmier shrooms

Think I'm settling into this headspace, not what I was looking for but still very enjoyable and there's probably still more to come
12:04 by the time I'm done writing this post

12:17
In a streamers chat while they play little nightmare game, a horror game.
*post trip note: this was past the peak, at peak I couldn't really make myself write much

12:40
I think it's wearing off, I'm tired

12:46
Definitely wearing off

12:57
It wears off in kind of a descending yo-yo curve

1-1:20
Took me that long to pee, heat a frozen breakfast sandwich and eat it. While outside going to be pee being in the outside it was expansive and sense of my bare feet on the ground and running my hands on the trees was very pleasant. It's about this time I became very introspective, much grounded back into myself. Back to myself... Back to my insufferable self... I write this at 1:46. Introspection is dark and full of worry which is my current self... I don't want that self I want a different self

*post trip note: I was feeling super stoned and got totally caught up and entertained by a mosquito hawk. I was moving ever so slowly and basking and savoring movement and sensation when I wasn't in the darker (but not "bad") headspace. It was strange to experience such a heightened state of bodily feeling w/out it being associated with being in an amped up state

1:49 while in the streamers chat I was watching a horror game and it wasn't freaking me out in the least which is kinda what I was looking for just for shits and giggles tbh, the positivity and just the funniness was making me laugh instead, she was pretty drunk.

2:00 am, I mostly just feel a little bit of it in my body. I have no inclination to do this again soon despite experiencing intense euphoria at times. This is not at all what I expected, I wanted something much more hedonistic and fun and I get... I dunno what the hell to make of it, it's gonna take some time to process and I can't dismiss the possibility that I just took way too much for any insight which isn't what I was looking for. I started to get visuals in the way of tracers and distortions and still photos kind of being wavy and stuff and pulsating and different parts of the brightening while others darken around the peak

2:07 I'm feeling much more normal, I was having some sweats and physical but not mental stimulation earlier but sweats and physical stimulation have passed.

2:27 started ruminating again and then started sweating. I'm tired... I'm ready for this to be over, I've been drinking w/ ~2000mg phenibut w/ 4tbs kratom crushed tea for weeks to get me to sleep, make the thoughts go away, not feel like shit and get away from myself... I need a new self. I'm tired, I wanna go to sleep, I normally feel like crap like this this isn't the drug or bad trip right now making me feel bad I just feel disconnected enough that I can look at this way rn

2:32 I have a mild headache, I'm tired but wired... As usual about this time

2:36 feeling a little better, less introspection more focus on the external

3:12
I actually feel pretty close to sober and at peace now because I think I might have a new way to frame my life and my situation and my struggle. Struggles with loneliness, isolation, toxic family, depression, anxiety, and addiction. At least an imperative to do that and recognition of what I have been doing isn't working and to recognize when people are sharing themselves with me and that I can share myself with them. Not to be so closed off through my coping mechanisms or as I want to reframe the term dysfunctional psychological compensation patterns. It would be so much more human and I've been so numb to the outside world and so fixed fixed on the negative within me and hence creating even more. I need to open up to other people's experiences and express my own better. In fact, they're one in the same.

I've been going this route in thinking for some time but this dissociation of myself and bizarre temporary rearrangement of senses and thought and then reassembling the pieces might have helped facilitate the process... I could see the reassembly going bad if I got into the wrong headspace for too long and got caught in a loop... But honestly, I found it easier to escape these loops than when I'm sober now that I think of it. They were more recognizable so I didn't get lost in them which made them easier to reframe and if I wasn't able to reframe it was easier to focus on people and their experiences and feelings in streams.

I did not treat this substance w/ respect or come into it with the right reasons for this particular substance but I was able to recognize at some level where this was going from early on and just let myself ride the wave and let the experience be what it'll be and not try to force it be anything else. As I came to I only then became introspective and made an effort to make sense of the pieces and what to do with them and where to place them.

I think I've gathered a lot of information about myself and I've gotta lot of thinking and self-help work to do before I try this dose again. Half this dose might be a more recreational dose for me.

That last paragraph was finished at 3:50 am

3:52 It's okay to sleep now, I don't have to think about anything now, there's not anything more to do. I don't do myself any favors by worrying and ruminating. Accept myself, yes my imperfect self, and realize you are doing the best you can do with your situation and yourself and learn to love yourself. Unconditionally love yourself. And then I can share more of that and have more of it shared with me.

4:42 still not in bed, but still much at peace w/ myself

5:30 actually heading to bed now. GN y'all.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115337
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 34
Published: Apr 19, 2021	Views: 795
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4-HO-MiPT (342) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), Alone (16)