DOSE:	3 g	oral	Mushrooms - P. cubensis
	1.5 g	oral	Syrian Rue
		oral	Mimosa tenuiflora	(extract)
		smoked	DMT	(extract)
	repeated	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

History of use at this point includes probably 30-40 mushroom trips, 70 or so LSD trips (some in combo with mushrooms), 3 huachuma experiences, a handful of non-breakthrough oral DMT (mimosa hostilis and peganum harmala) smoked DMT, and another poly psychedelic combo of san pedro, golden teacher and smoked DMT at peak. There passed probably 2 and a half years of the beginning of my college life that I began exploring psychedelics, and quickly found myself tripping every single weekend for a pretty long time with very few breaks. This process was a slow immersion and integration that started with a gram and a half of mushrooms or a hit of acid at a time, and snowballed into crazy poly-psychedelic combos that I don't advise people to try...

On my friend's birthday one year, 3g penis envy mushroom, 1.5g syrian rue (peganum harmala) whole was swallowed with orange juice. And then 20 minutes or so later that was followed by several swigs of a 20g mimosa hostilis cold water extraction that I had been saving for probably 4-5 months. At the coming up of this was smoked a very crude, poorly made DMT extraction best described as jungle goo, or jungle spice... and of course plenty of cannabis was consumed during the come up phase as I have been a daily stoner for years.

To begin the trip, we were several people, some of my friends who were a regular part of our psychonaut cadre, and my friend's stoner cousins who were visiting for his birthday. We all consumed our various allotment of chosen plant masters, with one friend, C we'll call him, consuming an unbeknownst to me amount of syrian rue and penis envy, B another friend consuming a small amount of golden teacher, and K consuming a non-psychoactive microdose of syrian rue and the mimosa tea as he had to drive home later that night. Coming up we smoked what would probably be considered an absurd amount of cannabis to most people, joint after joint, bowl after bowl. Until having started to feel the beginning of effects we move outside to start the campfire.

The come up was quick, smooth, intense, awe striking and beautiful. Thoughts of a mystical type were racing, and we laughed, smoked and chilled around the fire getting higher and higher. Stranger. And stranger... until after about 45 minutes or so, my friend's cousins who had not been privy to our group psychedelic escapades started to realize it was time for them to leave; as we were starting to get quite high, with a strange group synergy that would have us finishing each other's sentences, and then sometimes breaking off into two separate conversations amongst us that would somehow converge back into one conversation where we would pick off and start one other's sentences. Then obviously, after only an hour in, the trip continues to intensify and I started to become physically disoriented as my body load gets more and more intense. There is a sensation that comes with eating syrian rue and mushrooms, that is best described as having one's bones turn to iron, and ones blood into molten or frozen metal. With the mimosa hostilis tea added this effect was even more pronounced, causing a sense of weakness that left me exhausted and with difficulty moving. Open eye visuals at this point were so strong that I was beginning to have trouble seeing the yard around me more than 2 feet away from the campfire, all was this insane, mangled, gnarly, twisted, thorny, vine-like visual geometry which covered everything not illuminated directly by the fire. With streaks of super bright white light that would stream across my vision like tracers that stayed in place for 30-40 seconds before disappearing or reshaping I became sufficiently inebriated enough to realize it was time to lay down near the campfire.

Laying down, face in arm, laying on my stomach I completely phased out of my body, I went to lay down at the exact time that my friend's cousins were leaving, and I phased out of my body and floated over them as a disembodied perspective and watched them walk to their car and then get in, start it, and drive away. With a perfectly clear perspective, no visual distortion, geometry, or anything, I watched them walk all the way up past the house to their car, get in, and drive away all while peering into my arm laying face down next to the fire. Shocked at the intensity, the power, and the reality of what I was seeing, I spooked myself back into my body. Or was slammed back into it unwillingly? As I came back to my body from this 2-3 minute astral projection over my friends yard and house, I slammed back into my body and clamored about how "this must be how shamans spy on people and find missing objects!"

I was ecstatic. Amazed, shocked and in disbelief. I had been having an amazing experience up to this point, until the body load had started to set in, but it wasn't that bad yet, and I thought I would be going through more of these amazing mystical and shamanic experiences that I was having on the come up, like the group synergy, the visions of floating out of body and the 3d holographic visual matrix floating in the air eyes open that was manipulateable by touch. I knew things were getting ready to get intense when I lay down feeling the body load start and then phased out of my body involuntarily, but I didn't expect what would happen shortly after slamming back into my body. After some brief remarks of excitement, I closed my eyes back and lay down again, this time not to phase out of my body, but to be met with the only psychedelic entity I have ever really seen... Up to this point, and since, I have had conversations with the plants while tripping, particularly huachuma and psilocybin. I'm a very large fan of the work of Terence Mckenna though, so that may be an influence in my experiences, but this night I saw the most intense, amazing, horrifying, terror-inducing and immense thing I've ever seen and experienced on psychedelics. To describe it is impossible, but I'll try.

I somehow understood telepathically that it was the combined intelligence of the syrian rue, mushrooms and mimosa hostilis, and it presented itself to me as a gigantic-insectile-city organism. It was like the landscape of Beijing, with enormous skyscrapers of eyes and teeth, and an alien looking metallic hue that was a very dark green, brown and purple tone which gave the impression of the color of metal that has begun to dilapidate and become overgrown with weeds. With its insane amount of eyes and mouths and skyscraper sized rows of teeth it directed some sensation into my stomach and then left. While looking at it, all I could think was, "oh fuck, would ya look at that thing..." and then it left just as quickly as it appeared, leaving me with a gut wrenching nausea that was accompanied with a full 3d xray view of the inside of my stomach filled with those same teeth... I then stumble over to the edge of the yard to vomit, and wretch over and over again to no avail. Dry heaving in this situation is more like involuntary muscle spasms and intestinal cramps that wretch every fiber of your being in pure agony. Like being kicked in the stomach from the inside out...

After 10 or so minutes of this, I realize I'm not going to vomit and go lay back down, to immediately see more teeth in my stomach and this time to feel the sudden urge to shit myself instead of vomit. This is probably about the hour and 45 minute mark. So I get up to go to my friend's bathroom, and when I get in there and shut the door, I sit down on the toilet to shit and have the same stomach wretching, then at this point I realize I'm not going to be able to shit either. I know this will sound crazy, but compared to the next couple hours or so trapped alone in the bathroom, what I have experienced up to this point is barely tripping... After realizing I can't vomit or shit in my friends bathroom, I collapse onto the floor with my pants all the way down, practically off, as I was afraid I might shit myself any minute. Laying on the bathroom floor half naked, I begin to go into the most intense psychedelic trance that has ever overtaken me. This experience cannot be put lightly, and this combo of plants should only be approached in extreme caution. I'm not sure I would have come out of it a functioning human being if I wasn't an experienced meditator and psychonaut, so I cannot urge more caution when exploring such territory. I cannot remember large chunks of this experience, and so I'm leaving out a lot, but sometimes memories flash back to me in other trips, or when smoking really good weed sometimes. This is my attempt to piece together what happened to me in that bathroom a few years ago...

As I plopped down on the floor the pressure that was being exerted on my body via the bodyload up this point was nothing really, as I was able to walk up to the house, get up to try and vomit and still more or less move around. Once whatever hit me in this bathroom incident came, I was essentially unable to move except for writhing on the ground and moving my head back and forth. Every now and then I would manage to pull myself to my knees holding onto the toilet bowl to see if I could puke to no avail. I would flop back down with a hard thud... The body load was intense, writhing and bobbing my head back and forth, left to right, like a crazy person who couldn't hold their head still. The body load in this case was extremely intense, to where it felt it took me concentrating with every fiber of my being to get to my knees to see if I could puke. The body load eventually became so overwhelming that one has no choice but to completely subsume to it, and lay there. At this point the visions, delusions, mania, insanity, apparitions and crazy cosmic revelations all appear as one cascading waterfall of sensations, visual, auditory and somatic rolled into one. Visions of the inside of my body, more intricate than any medical technology can offer. I saw everything in my body at once, in 3d. The closest you can imagine to this if you have not had this experience is the way Alex Grey paints people, but even his painting is a joke in comparison to actually seeing a live vision of your organs pumping fluids and waste, of every organ, muscle fiber, bone, vein, artery, neuron, and even the chi meridians of Chinese folk medicine!

All of this being seen at once gives one away to amazement that quickly turns into a fear as the vision morphs from a clean medical view of the inside of my body to seeing my body as full of blood, pus, mucus, snot and rot. I remember very clearly and particularly my stomach being awful, my intestines replaced with teeth gnawing on bloody flesh, bones, shit, maggots and other bugs. This disgusted and frightened me, though I chalked it up to my nice and ethical American diet not being particularly favored by the plant spirits, so this vision was their response to my recent abandonment of eating healthy. I used to be vegan before this experience, but I had become weak and unhealthy like that, so I decided to start eating meat again, but as my family eats incredibly unhealthy, I quickly acquired that same diet. This diet issue was a big theme in my psychedelic trips up to this point due to being in a relationship with an ardent vegan before. This experience happened in the summer that was the peak of my psychedelic taking that had lead to me losing a 6 year relationship just a couple months before. Having essentially allowed my relationship to deteriorate to pursue psychedelic gnosis I quickly went from tripping every weekend to between 3-4 times a week for about 3 weeks on and a week off for the whole summer between my sophomore and junior year of college.

All of this quickly surfaced after I lay writhing on the ground in psychedelic delirium. Thoughts broke into autonomous beings that flashed their own insane realities at me... delusions of my ex suddenly changing her mind about me and returning to me to go on insane journeys in other countries and hyperspace. Delusions of sexual fantasies too graphic to detail, delusions of starting a world religion, of being a prophet, of being a cult leader, of discovering archaic secrets of human history and uncovering the past of the human genome. Delusions of suddenly acquiring insane masses of wealth, delusions of major political revolution, of apocalypse, of time travel, and a prolonged delusion of particular importance. In my younger ages as an adolescent, around 12-15 or so I dabbled in and would periodically obsess myself with occultism, I had a major Satanist phase intertwined with a black metal ritual sort of religion, became briefly interested in the temple of Set, Thelema, and also had periods of interest in less demonic types of occultism like hermeticism, kabbalah, Wicca and even full on baptism to Christianity to "cleanse my soul" and then later deconversion and interest in the religions of India; Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism, and Jainism. All of this conspired into a major cognitive hallucination in which my perception became overwhelmed by thoughts, ideas, images, delusions, fears, fantasies, and revelations. I had found myself caught in a delusion of being possessed by a demon, and that the psychedelic plants were actually demons come to possess my soul and damn me for eternity telling me that I must do the bidding of the plants or be tortured by them forever. They were telling me intricately terrifying things about Terence McKenna, saying that he took the combo of harmine, psilocybin and turned his back on it, and so they cursed him with what was to become his brain tumor... They were telling me they would do the same. They would tell me that I had the ability to just voluntarily stop breathing and just die... and I would obviously panic and focus on breathing til distracted again. I remember at one point thinking to myself in the insanity, "You should just choke yourself to sleep so you don't have to be awake for this". Obviously not a good idea and thank God I was still sane enough to not try it. My reasoning was "then you'll asphyxiate on your vomit while unconscious". Man was I losing it.

This insanity and fear went on until the build up of the intensity of the experience essentially turned my mind off... Then naked unidentified consciousness finds itself projected into a multidimensional hyperspace where it simultaneously sees a boy laying on the bathroom floor while going through a recapitulation of the entirety of consciousness in which consciousness was simultaneously lying dormant in hell, or the void, the foundation of creation.

The most amazing part of this was the visual evolution of consciousness, through animal states of mind, unto being a human. I distinctly remember one time being aware of myself in 7 dimensions where at the perimeter of the uppermost dimension was a council of silhouettes standing in circles silently observing me from a distance. And another confusing aspect of the visionary cascade that I have thought about a lot, at the point of becoming fully human and realizing the predicament I was in; which was being super fucked up on plant drugs, half naked on my best friends floor losing my mind on the search for something that I had no clue what, while heartbroken, and distraught at my general situation in life, I found myself reaching for a savior. Someone who could give me the strength, wisdom, guidance or what the fuck ever necessary to make it out of the experience alive. A savior came, and guided me through the evolutions of consciousness necessary to escape my situation, and that savior was none other than a fully animate and responsive voice and brief vision of Rick Sanchez from the show Rick and Morty. After years I have reflected on these visions and have concluded that the plant intelligence, looking into my mind for the nearest image, character or archetype it could use to convey its message to me, decided that the fictional character Rick Sanchez best fit the image of the potential of humanity. That something equivalent to the absolutely unmitigated access to all times and realities of eternity will eventually be within human grasp and that the future of human existence and the purpose for the entirety of life and its evolution toward intelligence is to eventually breed a Rick Sanchez like species with such evolved technology and consciousness that it will surf the oceans of cosmic time, uniting all the fabrics of the various realities in the multiverse together into a single eternity, eventually collapsing linear time as we know it, giving all humans access to all humans who have ever and will ever exist in eternity. Like a heaven and hell no one could imagine, beyond the dogmatic ideas of heaven, hell, enlightenment or reincarnation, but a truly God-like species which will inevitably itself create universes starting the same fractal cycle over again in an infinite myriad of ways forever.

The rest after this is difficult to remember, I finally managed to puke after what felt like centuries inside the bathroom and managed to gather the strength to get back down to the camp fire with my friends when one had wandered in the house and helped me back down. I lay in circle around the fire with my friends completing each other's sentences again, talking a conversation between the three of us that was a direct continuity of what I was going through in the bathroom. I still experienced minor delusions that would pop up here and there, one notable one being that my friend who had taken the microdose left when I went to the bathroom and many hours later after he was already home I heard a sound on the road nearby and temporarily became convinced that my friend wrecked and died cause I had no sense of time lol. But once I realized he was alive cause he texted me it was ok, I also at one point in the night pissed myself while laying on the ground because I was still so physically disoriented and exhausted I couldn't get up to pee and just soiled myself with no ability to hold it back or move anywhere. Everyone else though this was funnier than I did, but I eventually said fuck it and laughed at myself, and then we continued to chill and have conversations that slowly became more of each one of us speaking entire sentences instead of talking in partial sentences and completing one another's thoughts. '

Eventually came as far down as you can from such an experience. I don't think you're ever the same again after a psychedelic experience that intense. Needless to say this trip was intense and I didn't trip again for a month or so after. I still think about this experience almost daily, and sometimes remember forgotten bits, but mostly remember the intense fear and pain. I left out the beautiful description of the fact that in evolving through each phase of consciousness involved the total sensation of dying. Over and over again. Thousands, millions of times maybe. It is an experience I have come to call the death breaths, as it feels as though while one breaths in one is alive, healthy, growing and well feeling, then as one exhales one weakens, sickens, and then upon breathing all the air out one feels the sensation of dying and going completely blank until breathing in again, with each deeper breath taken more intelligence is available for consciousness to process, but each exhalation is a death. I would guess this phase lasted 10-15 maybe even 20 minutes. Leading eventually to a return to human consciousness, but with a memory of something different. With a memory that doesn't lend itself well to description, but with an emotional content easily described as a contradiction of absolute horror, absolute grace, peace and terror simultaneously.

This trip has left me with something to think about for the rest of my life. And having listened to the work of Terence Mckenna and listening to the story of Dennis, I'm lucky I never tried to vocally imitate the deafening sound of the psychedelic buzzing in the head so characteristic of these hallucinogens or I probably would have been in some real deep water and gotten myself into a lot of trouble. Thanks to a responsible, respectful and trustworthy circle of friends and a setting with no intruding people I was able to experience a recapitulation of all of time and come down over the course of about 12 hours instead of twelve days. I think the moral of the story is, take incredible precaution, and prepare yourself and setting absolutely as much as possible if you're ever going to embark on combing major psychedelic hallucinogenic plants like this. And if you don't want to go down a rabbit hole you can never come back from, don't ever combine these substances, because I do think the combination of doses of harmine/harmaline and tryptamines that saturated your body with these molecules unto the point where you overload your system and enter into visionary trance alters your DNA or the structure of your brain. My mind has definitely not been the same ever since this experience. There is a lucidity of thought to my mind when I am fully awake and sober that is intense and I think psychedelic plants have played a big role in this, especially these terrifying combination experiences. When stoned, my mind has access to an incredibly reduced dimension of the contents of this experience, probably because marijuana was a part of the experience, but is not ultimately psychedelic.

I try not to ponder this experience to much while on mushrooms as I don't want to relive the sensations so I tend to avoid that usually. Elsewise, this experience has given me an interesting relationship to psychedelics since, in which I find myself mortally terrified to take even 1.5g grams of golden teacher, but once consumed and fear confronted, a very comfortable familiarity with navigating psilocybin alone in doses so far up to 8g. Hope this wasn't too long and too much of a pain to read, thanks for the time!

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 115424
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 19
Published: May 23, 2021	Views: 1,375
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66), Mimosa tenuiflora (74), Syrian Rue (45) : Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)