DOSE:	20 mg	oral	Pharms - Escitalopram	(daily)
	repeated	insufflated	alpha-PHiP	(powder / crystals)
	repeated	vaporized	alpha-PHiP	(powder / crystals)
	repeated	oral	Etizolam

BODY WEIGHT:

50 kg

Not long ago, my boyfriend and I ordered some alpha-PHiP from a legal research chemicals market. He had done some research on it and passed the information onto me. I found it intriguing, mostly because of its association with flakka (also known as alpha-PVP). Having heard the horrible stories about the ''zombie drug'' made me reluctant to trying PHiP, but was informed that flakka was publicly made to look worse than it actually is. So I thought, why the hell not.

The drug was surprisingly cheap. We ordered 5 g and tried it out the day we got it. It was our first time vaporizing and… smoking crystals off a tin foil felt like a very crackhead move in itself. Especially considering the fact we were doing this hidden behind a car, on top of a hill above this lil village. But the feeling was unique- a stimulative head rush, slight euphoria, increased talkativeness, not giving a shit about nothin', the need to do something, anything. Didn't last long, though. We decided to save it up for some other day.

That day came next week, on a Tuesday. I had just finished an online exam (Covid and shit) and felt I needed a well deserved chillout. With stimulants! So, joining forces with my boyfriend, we drove to a picnic kinda place in the middle of a forest and combined snorting and smoking it. I preferred snorting as it lasts longer, albeit less intense. It got dark, we needed to get home and the only option was driving. I drove. Idiot… Due to the increased awareness, it went pretty well, got back safe. Socializing with Mother was avoided, tho, since we were feeling paranoid. Our intent was to go to bed with the help of etizolam, but it was a rather puny helper.

After a sleepless night came a sleepless but tweaky day and dumbass decisions. It started going outta control. Boyfriend told me we might be infected with Covid since a friend he was recently out with had it. We were, at first, worried. He called up his mom, so she told him we can crash in their empty apartment till we ain't ill no more. Our crackhead hearts lighted up at the news. An empty apartment all to ourselves for an indefinite amount of time! We just couldn't say no. Since the comedowns were hitting us pretty hard, we at some point decided to show them the finger by downing more etizolam (to keep the anxiety/paranoia away). So, beyond this point, the benzo is what I ascribe my vague recollections to. The parts I do remember include:

-lying to parents about being positively Covid tested so we could keep the sesh going at the apartment,
-driving (bad idea!) to my house to pick up clothes,
-a gangsta puff of synthetic weed (mind you I don't even smoke weed) had me fooled I was dying for 15 min,
-ditching all of my online & live classes,
-not eating much since appetite suppression

It's hard to say whether I slept till Friday at all. I believe we kept the Etizolam at 2 mg, twice/3 times a day. But on Thursday, my boyfriend broke down in tears, on Friday, I did. I guess the guilt, shame, paranoia got the better of both of us. On Friday, he made the brave decision to trip on 25-NBOMe, but kept away from the PHiP. So I had it for myself. Yay. I can clearly remember the last 3 lines I had. Drew them up, put one in tinfoil and attempted to smoke but failed. Point is, the night ended up with me, begging my boyfriend to allow me to have another line. Another side of me, however, noticed the addictive downwards spiral and encouraged him to flush it down the toilet before the full-on comedown. I was going crazy after it was all too late, searching for it despite knowing it went down the drain. I was delusional, noncooperative, and I saw them. The infamous Shadow People were forming in the living room. I was even hearing voices and, no shit, was scared shitless. So boyfriend had to put me down for the night with 5 mg of etizolam. Slept like a baby for 12 hours.

Until I woke up and found myself wanting to end it all, so I drank some liquor and mixed it with etizolam. Apparently, that did not work. I must mention that I am also currently going through a rough phase in my life and am on 20mg escitalopram/day. My struggles with depression/anxiety probably contributed to the fact I found alpha-PHiP so addictive. I was unphased by schoolwork, my appearance, family drama for those couple of days of being cracked up. It created temporary relief whilst becoming more of a problem than solution at the same time. Had I not had my boyfriend by my side, who knows where I would be right now. I've tried many different substances, but the experience I've had with this one has made me not want to take any for a looong time. It showed me how dark things can truly get with drugs.

Sure, it has its highlights, but the tables start turning quickly.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115454
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: May 26, 2021	Views: 4,076
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alpha-PHiP (945) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Depression (15), Multi-Day Experience (13), Addiction & Habituation (10), Small Group (2-9) (17)