DOSE: T+ 0:00	190 mg	oral	BDB	(liquid)
T+ 2:54	1 cart.	inhaled	Nitrous Oxide	(gas)

BODY WEIGHT:

61 kg

First Empathogen Encounter: BDB HCl

Not quite happy with the bioassay in terms of content, but it's following my notes closely, so what can I do... Had great fun though :)

Drug: (R,S)-1-(1,3-benzodioxol-5-yl)-2-aminobutane hydrochloride (BDB*HCl)
Dosage: 190 mg
Age: early 20s
Weight: ~60 kg
Intention: introspection to resolve some personal problems, euphoria/anti-depressant effect, curiosity
Intensity: moderate – strong experience, not overwhelming, overall pleasant.
Source: synthesis from piperonal via nitrobutene
Background: Couple experiences with EtOH, cannabis/d8-THC, N2O and a few psychedelics. Straight edge except for psychedelics these days. Those about every 2 - 4 weeks in relatively small dosages. No previous experience with empatho-/entactogens.

Motivation
I've been wanting to experience an empathogen for a long time now. I made MDA in the past but ended up tossing it before trying it out. As MBDB and BDB were described as milder alternatives to MDMA and MDA, and I'm quickly overwhelmed by drugs, I decided to opt for one of them. The synthesis of BDB is one step less than MBDB and chemistry I am experienced with, so I decided to try this one out first. I got a bit frustrated with the workup of another chemistry project, so I wanted to take a break and “challenged” myself to get to BDB on a weekend, starting on a Friday afternoon. Luckily, unlike Shulgin, I didn't run into any problems with the preparation of the nitrobutene precursor, so I ended up with enough material for a couple trials by Sunday evening. The experience was made one day later on a Monday (I have those free :P).

I am currently in a somewhat depression-akin state (undiagnosed, as I don't have the motivation to go to a therapist), and I'm trying to use psychedelics as tools for introspection and resolving my personal problems. They successfully removed some minor suicidal tendencies beginning to manifest, but I still have not tackled one of my current major problems: the dissonance between the accomplishments I expect myself to achieve and the accomplishments I achieve in reality. While I used to be able to brush such concerns away, a form of elitism has creeped into my life. Which – due to my inherent laziness – leads to a paralysis, where I do nothing, afraid of performing below my standards. A bit ironic, but nobody said life is supposed to be easy, heh?

Anyways, I had high hopes that an empathogen might be able to help resolve this resonance by allowing me to encounter my unconsciousness with self-respect, rather than declaring myself trash for failing myself so many times in life.

Also, I just wanted to have my first empathogen experience and a bit of fun.

Preparation
I was a bit indecisive on which dosage to take the night before. While I do have experience with unpleasant psychedelic trips and how to handle them by myself, I didn’t want to risk too much. On the other hand, many people describe that they were never able to get the magic of their first MDMA trip back, so I was a bit reluctant to waste my material on a too careful dosage. Based on my relatively low weight and the few experience reports I found, the decision to take 190 mg BDB*HCl was made.

I recommend everyone to be a bit more cautious and doing dosage titration with every new material, particularly if it is a bit obscure.

Experience
Set
A bit tired, weak migraine. Didn’t get enough sleep last night, only 5 h or so due to insomnia. Not enough for me. Wasn’t too productive during the day but cleaned up my apartment entirely.

Mood not the best, quite stern.

Alone. Worst-case I could have called someone trustworthy for psychological support.

Setting
At home in an apartment, with potential plans of going outside if I felt like it. I stayed at home for the whole experience though.

Time stamps
These time stamps are based on notes I took on a computer and in a physical notebook. The times are in superior 24 h format and reflect the local time. Most are translated from my native language to English (with only a few being directly written in English). They are edited a bit in retrospect for clarity and added details/explanations of the experienced effects. I tried to keep the original tone as best as possible though.

16:46 (T+0:00) Consumption of 190 mg BDB*HCl dissolved in water. Taste test: slightly bitter, not too bad. 2C-B is disgusting in comparison. Used raspberry syrup for most of the solution anyways. Put away the utensils needed for making the volumetric solution. Thinking about how crazy it is to consume 190 mg of some chemical from the laboratory. Do not eat lab chemicals! At least I know who made it... :D

17:01 (T+0:15) Early hints of intoxication. Tiredness is increased a bit. Head getting heavy, thoughts slower. Music appreciation relatively normal, maybe slightly increased. Reading forum entries in [drug chemistry forum, redacted], not really capable of thinking them through though.

17:03 (T+0:17) Slight tingling in my leg. Annoyed with my computer keyboard. Enter is stuck...

17:09 (T+0:23) Some inner warmth from my chest. Feels good.

17:11 (T+0:25) Wrapped myself into a soft blanket, apartment is a bit cold. Feels even better, cuddly.

17:16 (T+0:30) A bit of nausea. Not very bad. Tactile sense increased. When I move my head, the motion as felt by sense of balance does not stop immediately. A bit of trouble walking through my apartment, steps are a bit “drunken”. Some parallels to an alcohol intoxication, but different. When I don’t move my head, there is no feeling of spinning as I would experience when drunk or stoned.

[From here on notes in physical notebook, didn’t want to bother with the keyboard problems and needed to lay down on the bed.]

17:25 (T+0:39) Sense of balance heavily impaired, drunken feeling. Staggering while walking. Dexterity negatively influenced.

17:30 (T+0:44) Dancing is incredible fun and feels wonderful. Must dance careful and quiet though – neighbor downstairs doesn’t like when I’m loud (she complains about not being able to sleep when I’m sitting in front of my computer overnight, I don’t know how). Appreciation for music greatly enhanced. Writing feels extremely smooth. Migraine still present, but not too much of an issue. Inner warmth.

17:36 (T+0:50) Can’t stop dancing. No bruxism yet. Got myself a chewing gum anyways. Writing in my notebook at the speed of light. At least it feels like it. Very smooth and fun. Writing is very messy, hopefully no problems deciphering the stuff later. Hands still cold, but my head feels wonderfully warm touching it. A bit like being in love. BDB is gold! Amazing! Hedonism for the win! So much fun. Migraine completely in the background, but noticeable. Very drunken feeling. No inhibitions writing, accordingly messy. Music wonderful.

17:39 (T+0:53) I wish I could go on to the voice call with my (non-druggie) friends to tell them how amazing BDB is. [But rational me had no problems preventing myself from this action, I don’t really want my drug usage to become public. I only trust a few people with that.]

17:40 (T+0:54) More dancing. Pulse at a relaxed 120 bpm (elevated, but not too bad for me). Dancing to “Cosa Fai – Feder”. So good!

17:45 (T+0:59) Biggest fucking smile on my face. I didn’t know life could still be so much fun! “Music sounds better with you!” (- Stardust). <3

17:54 (T+1:08) Blanket 100x times softer than when sober (and it’s already crazy good sober). Heavy, loud breathing. Have to sigh a few times, making weird noises. Can’t contain my happiness. Melting in bliss. Eyes jittering (horizontal nystagmus). How amazing is BDB, please? I should have tried the MDx compounds much earlier! The nystagmus is a bit annoying.

18:08 (T+1:22) I would’ve never expected that it is possible to experience so much concentrated happiness at once. Pure euphoria. Superb recreational drug. However, no introspection so far. But to be fair, I am too busy laughing and being happy than to work with myself. Nystagmus very present, annoying – as it makes reading harder – but acceptable as part of the package. My face and my body feels very warm, both inner warmth and touching it.

18:15 (T+1:29) I wouldn’t say that BDB feels like love, but the emotion I’m feeling is as valuable/somewhat equivalent. Beautiful. Except for the eye jitters. Not able to concentrate enough to avoid it reliably. Maybe I shouldn’t try. No deep thoughts/link to the unconsciousness, but engulfed in bliss, no motivation to try serious introspection. This feeling must be enjoyed!

18:21 (T+1:35) I can finally understand all the drug cooks who took a drug and decided to make it available to the whole world. I would love to share this feeling with the whole world. [I will still remain with my decision to only synthesise for myself]. Except the eye jittering. Still don’t like that – I would like to be able to read what I write without having to concentrate.

18:27 (T+1:41) Before I forget: 190 mg. [Didn’t write down the dosage on a permanent place and wanted to make sure I didn’t forget.] Problems reading text. Fucking nystagmus.

18:27[sic] (T+1:41) No interest to pursue my problems. This is too perfect. I love it. Would like to know the other MDx compounds to compare. Barely able to read, eye jitter... [Seriously? At this point we get you don’t like nystagmus...]

18:31 (T+1:45) With a lot of concentration, nystagmus can be kept under control. But why bother? To read these ramblings, or what? Music is sooooo amazing. Can’t keep my excitement regarding this substance under control, and can’t get it into words. I hope I can still read these notes tomorrow, writing gets messier with each line! Almost intentionally! Have fun, future sober me! :P I’m confident in your abilities, you can do it! Mouth a bit dry. “WATERMELON SUGAR!!” (- Harry Styles). [Big smiley face drawn on the page.]

18:36 (T+1:50) Jaw clenching, I guess. [Only mild bruxism, but it is there.]

13:36[sic!] (T+1:50) Quite interesting how much I got carried away by the substance. I currently do not see any potential for the kind of introspection/psycholytic aspects I search for. It’s probably possible to use this substance for psychotherapy, but at least for now I don’t have any motivation to do so on a solo-trip. Probably requires therapist for constructive work.

18:44 (T+1:58) Told XYZ about trying out the BDB*HCl per personal message. Notes getting long, motivated to write down what I feel. So many pages of fun! Pulse at 101 bpm sitting, normal for me, I’m a colibri. Headaches present, I don’t care. Takes lots of concentration to read what I write due to the heavy nystagmus. Great fun to write text with the pen. Better than typing on a computer, and fast enough anyways. [I’m a very fast typer, so I would always prefer computer over handwritten when sober, at least in terms of speed.] I’m happy that I decided against writing these notes in my regular consumption book, very messy writing. Will have to enter that retrospectively. [Probably I will just print out the version I wrote here.]

18:53 (T+2:07) Eye jittering very annoying, but who cares, I’m in a state of bliss otherwise. Let’s eat a mandarin, or whatever citrus fruit I bought! Wait, it’s a clementine! [I didn’t end up eating them though, just opened the net around them] Very restless, jittering my foot. (Stimulation).

18:53[sic] (T+2:07) XYZ [who has experience with the material] tells me via PM to enjoy the eye jittering. Can’t really enjoy it, to be honest. He sent me an amazing D&B remix, “The Journey”, nice, thanks, XYZ!

19:02 (T+2:16) Writing is annoying. [Due to nystagmus.]

19:28 (T+2:42) Getting used to the eye jittering, but it’s less pronounced already. Noticeable jaw clenching, but not too bad. Need blanket, otherwise it feels too cold. I’m interested in trying out sexual compatibility of the material. In lack of a girlfriend myself will do. Slightly horny. STOP. Ehhh, eye jittering. [Repressed sexual thoughts or annoyed at the nystagmus? Dunno.] This experience is so intensive, almost overwhelming, but very pleasant! Euphoria!

19:31 (T+2:45) I should’ve taken a booster dose. Well, let’s keep to the no redosing policy. Welp, let’s try out sexual performance capabilities while it still lasts.

19:40 (T+2:54) Climax does not seem achievable... Give me a moment... Let’s do an N2O cartridge and see to which place I get... [original text for German natives, sic: “Erstmal eine Lachgaskartusche scheppern, dann weiterschauen.” – not my typical tone, I normally try to stay relatively formal] Headaches probably more noticeable than at the beginning.

18:48[sic!] (T+3:02...) Experiment with the single leftover N2O cartridge finished. A bit more intense/different than just using N2O alone, but not as dramatic/remarkable as with psychedelics for me. Let’s try reaching climax again... God’s a lie. Do drugs. Masturbate. [Based on an internet meme.] What a saying to live by, huh? No resolution of personal issues, but I didn’t even try, despite the relatively friendly atmosphere for introspection (increased self-acceptance, so it would be possible to address character weaknesses without going into defense – but I would have to do the work). Look at these schizo tweaker writings [at this point, I checked the journal, 13 pages so far, more than usual for me]

19:53 (T+3:07) Euphoria now contained, hopefully just a wave/break, would like to get there again. Would love to be able to booster at the 3rd hour, but let’s stay with my principles. “She’ll be alright.”

Schizo ramblings LOL [no timestamp]

20:04 (T+3:18) Thoughts now clear. Slight bruxism. Euphoria decreased, still present. Migraines still present. Will probably not leave, at least not due to the BDB. Not expected at this point anyways. I still feel good, but the lack of sleep and the migraines are now more apparent. I’m happy to finally have written a lot of notes. Usually, I’m too engulfed in an experience and not in the mood for taking notes. This time, writing was great fun. Even more fun now, as the nystagmus is decreased and I can see shit again. I will probably synthesise BDB*HCl again. As said before, I really know why so many Hive-era cooks wanted to distribute the love with MDMA. It really is that.

Booster would have been nice, but now too risky for me. What a pity. This drug is quite abusable. I need to try the other MDs ASAP.

20:13 (T+3:27) No introspection was had. Jaw hurts a bit from bruxism. Turned the volume of the music up. I think psychotherapy is only possible with a sober expert at hand. BUT: joy of life was instantly increased, hammered into my brain. I finally know how to feel happy again. Hopefully, this state will last for a few days/weeks.

20:15 (T+3:29) Sad. Coming down. Would’ve loved to stay on the plateau for a longer time. Can’t change it now. I wonder how BDB*HCl would come up/come down with a more rapid introduction to the bloodstream, i.e. insufflated, i.v. or rectally administered. Would have to synthesise the material again though, all I have is in dilute volumetric solution now. Apart from some nausea at the beginning, no side effects, if you can look over the slight bruxism and the annoying nystagmus.
I think BDB has great potential as a party drug. Probably also great for cuddling with your partner.

20:18 (T+3:32) Oh man, so many pages... What went wrong with me?

20:20 (T+3:34) Still somewhat happy, but the incredible euphoria left me. Dancing is still great fun.

20:25 (T+3:39) Why are the effects gone? :(

20:26 (T+3:40) Mood is a bit melancholic. Would love to take it again. This form of pure euphoria shouldn’t be allowed. I am a bit sad that I didn’t get any introspection, but you get what you ask for, and I didn’t put in the needed work. Hopefully the anti-depressant effect stays for a while, would need it. Was too busy swimming in a stream of euphoria, so constructive work was not possible. Maybe another time. Still slight nystagmus from time to time. Maybe forever now. [Just joking to myself.]

The experience was pretty much how I expected a roll to be. 220 mg would probably be still okay for me.

Looking at a stereogram (magic eye picture), problems fixating my eyes due to nystagmus.

After this, I stopped taking notes and went to bed. Listened to a Spotify playlist for a while and set my computer (and the music) to turn off at approximately 22:00.

Woke up 03:00 with very bad headaches, which prevented me from sleeping and were thus removed by application of 400 mg ibuprofen at 03:45. After that, I could sleep again and woke up very refreshed at 07:00, feeling pretty much normal, quite good given the troubles with sleeping. Turned on some music, instantly felt happy again, more euphoric than usual. I hope this kind of afterglow stays with me for a couple more days :) Actually, I quite literally "danced through life" for the whole day now.

Summary
Bear in mind that I could be a bit biased due to this being my first empathogen (first time magic). Overall very pleasant experience. No negative effects on the next day, intoxication was very clean, nystagmus/bruxism aside, this didn’t feel "wrong"/toxic in any kind. Despite me yearning for a longer duration of the experience, I feel no trouble keeping up to the recommended 2-3 month break for empathogens. Don’t want to destroy the magic. BDB*HCl didn’t have any psychedelic properties to me. Easy to handle material. If someone asked me for a hedonistic, uncomplicated first drug experience, I’d probably tell them about BDB. I will have to see how the other empathogens compare to it.

Sadly, the material doesn’t push me towards introspection. Barriers are probably lowered, but I would have to do the actual work myself/or a therapy session is needed.

Most of the time was spend dancing or greatly enjoying music. In fact, I made myself a 7 h long playlist based on songs I heard during the experience on the next day (of course, I added a couple more, still feeling joyous and motivated).

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115973
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Dec 26, 2021	Views: 1,455
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BDB  (449) : Glowing Experiences (4), Depression (15), Cultivation / Synthesis (31), First Times (2), Alone (16)