DOSE: T+ 0:00	2.5 g	oral	Mushrooms	(tea)
T+ 1:35	100 mg	oral	MDMA	(powder / crystals)
T+ 3:20	100 mg	oral	MDMA	(powder / crystals)
T+ 5:50	2 carts.	inhaled	Nitrous Oxide	(gas)

BODY WEIGHT:

224 lb

Prior experience: Kibble: I’ve done a fair amount of the typical psychedelics – mushrooms, LSD. I used to be a regular cannabis smoker, not so much now. My favourite thing is MDMA but I’m pretty strict about keeping to the three month rule nowadays. I do enjoy mixing laughing gas with everything. Myself and Inappropriate Disco have taken MDMA and/or mushrooms together a few times and she’s a good tripping partner, as she tends to keep things from getting too dark.

Disco: I smoked cannabis in my teens and twenties. Took MDMA irregularly from 20 - 27. Experienced Acid aged 17 and didn’t like it. Mushrooms more widely in my 20s. Always enjoyed mushrooms more. I took nothing between 27 and 35, until when I came home one day I saw Kibble having a bed disco and it looked like fun. I’ve had difficult mental health over the years so shied away from it. However, after 6ish years of therapy I seem to take these experiences to warm, fluffy places and enjoy the ‘holiday’ from myself and my deep thinking of my everyday life. I’m a mental health professional, so, often see the experiences through this lens.

Kibble is a fun partner as she laughs, isn’t afraid of talking nonsense and exploring deeper thoughts. She has to be reminded to follow the experience and not get caught up in where she thinks it should go or fight the feelings.

Set and setting: Kibble: I had been upset for the few days leading up to our trip with trying to support the family of a friend who was very ill. I did wonder if this was a good reason not to trip, but instead I figured I would go into this accepting that I probably would think about it, and that I would just in this case confront it and talk about it with Disco as it came up (I know she’s a good listener and very wise). I meditated on it beforehand, also trying to set myself up for just accepting whatever happened and going with the flow, which is something I guess I don’t do so much if I struggle with the trip. Also – talking about bowels trigger warning – I have IBS, so I stayed away from my trigger foods for two days beforehand. I say this because I occasionally see questions on forums from people that also are majorly uncomfortably triggered by their favourite substances, so it’s good to share the things that work. FYI, the things that I stayed away from were lactose, gluten and sugar. I can 100% say that this was the best idea I have ever had and will do it every time from now on. I did not get the shits on this occasion and it really enhanced my evening. I also had my lunch/tea around 2pm so that I wasn’t full or hungry when we started our evening.

Disco: I set the space up with lights (I know Kibble enjoys this), blankets and a bean bag. I like bean bags as you can roll around on them, adjust as the evening goes on and I can take my time standing up (very important as I have a history of sickness). I didn’t really do any dietary things as I don’t struggle in this way, but I did eat a lot early and had a cantaloupe on hand. The heating was primed so we didn’t get properly cold and I set up a nice light outside the bathroom so we weren’t blinded by the light. Kibble had warned me she was struggling with personal things, so in the back of mind I was ready for deep and difficult chats. I had a little thought about anything I wanted to bring up as well if the opportunity presented itself.

6.40 –
K: We made the mushroom tea with the 5g of mushrooms in a teapot, with half a lemon and a big chunk of ginger. This made it perfectly drinkable. We left it brew for 10 minutes before pouring enough for just over a mug each. As we drank we just sat and talked about our experiences of spending time with our families over the holidays.

7.00 –
K: I notice that Disco is starting to talk slight nonsense. I start to feel a bit gigglier.
D: We quickly got into deep chats, as we do anyway, but these chats also contained many giggles as well and we covered a quick succession of topics. I kept monologuing and Kibble would interrupt me gloriously. I’ve written ‘WHOOSH” in my notes.

7.20 –
K: I wobble while standing. A bit light headed. We start brewing the second pot of tea with the same batch of mushrooms.

7.30 –
K: Grinny, yawny, burpy. We are listening to Sparks. They are my new obsession. At this point I am super loving them. Can’t stop yawning. I didn’t sleep well last night it’s true, but this is ridiculous. Must be the shrooms. I look at the oil burner and the fairy lights and when I close my eyes I see little light trails, which is nice.
D: Kibble starts to say how much she loves everything (this is a theme) and we are still chatting and giggling. My tummy has that nausea/ excited feeling I associate with coming up now and I want to breath deeply, focusing on releasing my jaw and other muscles. My eyes are getting blurry, I’m yawning and my fingers and toes are cold. I start to wrap myself up in my big blanket on the sofa where we are both sat. We’re chatting nonsense and suddenly I want to dance. I’m cold and need a wee.

7.45 –
K: We finish all the tea. We have a lovely hug. Am feeling the mushrooms for sure. I lie on the settee and look at a plant on the shelf. It looks like a preying mantis and it is breathing. I want to fill my flat with plants like this. I stand up and attempt yoga. The downward facing dog is unsuccessful, my arms are just flapping pathetically.
D: I’ve camped out on the beanbag because I’m not mad (I possibly tell Kibble this) and wrap myself up.
Kibble finishes her second cup at 8sh, but I’m still feeling funny in my tummy so don’t finish mind until 8.10ish.

8pm -
D: there’s lots of sitting/ swaying and bopping to the music. Kibble is talking a lot and clenching her jaw so I have to remind her to breathe. She yawns a lot.

8.15 –
K: We take the first 100mg each of MDMA. We sit, we listen to music. We look at the fairy lights. Sometimes we get up and I experiment with moving, but mostly I just enjoy sitting and chilling and chatting to Disco.
D: At this point my notes say we talked about:
Pandas, factory farmed cows, happy chickens and whether they feel angst or not and the general feeling is that we should ‘Give Chickens a chance’. This is the first of those weird raucous laughter moments I associate with mushrooms - based mostly around a sentence that makes sense but is hilarious.

8.53 -
D: I appear to be in charge of notes as K (whose idea note taking always is) has abandoned it. I have a big wee and we stick our favourite music playlist on. I feel like I’ve got that warm MDMA feeling in my body and my legs/arms feel less tense. There’s lots of breathing and following where my mind and body want to go. Sometimes the smallest movement is enough. My eyes are less focused and I’m getting a lovely 3D effect from some artwork in my house. I’m happy sat on my beanbag with my big blanket. I’m aware that sensations are heightened.

9.37 -
D: We listen to Claire de Lune by Debussy.
This is a departure for us, but is actually really welcomed in the moment. The music seems to give the drugs space to breathe and [gave] us a chance to regroup and feel the sensations in the moment. I have a lot more visuals (something I don’t always get) and feelings in my body. I can almost pinpoint where emotions are sitting and it’s nice to sit with that without it feeling stressful or too much. We both experience a calm and lovely feeling and express positive thoughts about the interlude.

21:42 -
D: back to chatting about family again. It’s nice to reflect on the difficult aspects of our relationship without it feeling overwhelming.

10:00 – we take the 2nd E (ish)
K: Disco cuts up some melon. Omg it tastes amazing.

10.30 –
K: I feel like all the drugs have perfectly synchronised to make the ultimate drug. I feel happy and like I am in exactly the right place. I also feel hot. I take off my socks. I only want to stand on the kitchen tiles where the floor is colder. I have to roll up my trousers because they are touching my feet and I cannot have anything but cold tiles touching my feet! I walk up and down the kitchen floor, really enjoying that cold feeling. Sometimes I stop and spin. If I spin round and look at the lighting strip in the kitchen the light show is amazing.

I decide now is the time to talk about my ill friend and her family. I talk about this for an hour, I think. The E let me talk about it without crying. I could hear in my voice that I was still upset, but I felt that I was talking about it calmly. I was really worried that I wasn’t supporting my friends enough – I guess I wanted to be able to say or do the right thing and make it all OK for them, even though I know that that’s impossible, the situation is bad for them. Disco is a trained therapist, and she listens really closely and says the right thing that I needed to hear – she tells me that I’m not useless if I am kind. BANG! Everything is OK. I am sooo grateful. After this I rush off and write all these fantastic words of wisdom in my notebook that I am keeping a record in for the trip report, but when I look at it the next day only every other word is readable and the rest is utter nonsense.

D: Listening to K with my therapist head on was very different in this moment. I was able to focus, but had to move at the same time to dissipate some of the energy in my body. I could sense her pain and frustration and felt it keenly underneath the warm fuzziness of the drugs and this part of the trip was different to normal. At this point I normally just sit and feel all of my feelings, but having hers in the mix as well - ones which were hugely distressing and appeared to be causing her a deep level of anxiety, meant everything was heightened and clear but without being overwhelming. Whilst she was hot, I was freezing and had put all of my layers on, including my wooly hat. I felt very much in my therapists role throughout this part of the evening and appeared to be hitting the nail on the head for her a lot - we also discussed academic worries during a plateau at around 10.20.

22.46 -
D: we have a lovely interlude and a plateau. This is really the start of the plateaus I think. We have another interlude - possibly Disco this time. We chat about Rasputin for some reason and so I stuck the song on, followed by a Disco playlist. This lightens the mood for us a lot and we have a little boogie in our seats. I note that we don’t always need the relentless drums - well, I don’t. I also note that surprises in the music help me to experience the full trip and Kibble points out that this mirrors emotional growth.

It feels like this evening has featured a lot of emotional growth. I talk about my frustrations with myself and some issues I have in a more open way that I do usually. Because Kibble is an excellent friend there is only understanding and acceptance from her. We are able to giggle about things a bit again.

12:30 –
K: We take our only balloon (double each) of the evening. It doesn’t have much effect on me, but it is my only balloon and for that moment in time there is just me and the balloon and it is the best balloon I have ever had because I am totally in it.
D: It was a nice interlude. I’m glad there was only one and we can’t ‘chase’ that particular high again.

01.30 –
K: I really need a walk. I always need a walk as the last thing of the evening, going outside on drugs at night is the best way for me to round off the trip. I wanted to go earlier this evening, but Disco sensibly pointed out that we would be two middle aged women wandering around the village fucked out of our minds, and there would be other people there and they would talk to us AND THEY WOULD KNOW. And it wouldn’t be pleasant. So we went when everyone else was in bed instead. It was lovely. We were the only ones around. Then we came back and listened to music a bit more. I start to feel tired and feel sure that it’s bed time.
D: I always hate this, but it is always a good idea. Getting the length is a challenge though and this is slightly too long for my still wobbly legs. I am nearly full down again.

02.30 –
K: I go to bed. But I am gurning like fuck still and its impossible to sleep. I don’t sleep for another two or three hours, I just lay there and wonder when I’m going to relax and stop clenching my teeth. I can hear Disco upstairs in her room doing her ultra calm “I am on drugs and I am chilled” breathing and I feel so envious.
D: This is probably the only time I find it easy to go to bed. I pay for it over the next week though as I can’t get to sleep before 2am. I reflect on why I don’t gurn a lot, at first I had to really concentrate on it and breathe a lot more letting myself relax. Now I hardly think about it at all. I do try to take everything to a relaxed place.

K: The next morning we get up. We have no expectations of ourselves, it’s the only way we can function and still take these things at our age. We head into town for a walk round and some breakfast, come back and watch some Netflix. I feel relaxed and like I’ve had the best time.
D: Me too Kibble, Me too.

Reflection:
K: It’s nearly a week after our trip. I really enjoyed it. When the combination of MDMA and shrooms works, it works well. Myself and Disco did some great bonding, I am so glad I have someone like her to trip with. I feel like we are very in tune with each other, although it took a couple of trips to get there, but it’s just built so that each trip we are a bit more in tune. I appreciate the opportunity to talk about my friends at the peak of the evening. The thing about MDMA being the perfect therapy drug always made sense to me but this was the first time I have had that experience of what it is like.

D: I can completely see why there are experiments into MDMA as a therapy treatment, the opportunity to talk about really difficult subjects with that feeling of not being overwhelmed is amazing. From a therapist's point of view I could sense and feel her emotions and didn’t have to think too hard about what to say. However, I’m not going to over egg this because I have a strong, deep connection with Kibble which is more like a sister than a friend (without all the fighting). We talked over some difficult things in our relationship as well and were able to share our understandings without it becoming too dramatic. I do cherish these experiences as things I don’t have to overthink, or ponder over afterwards. Writing this up has been interesting as it has confirmed with I already thought about our trips but in a more formal way. These trips are much more like what I thought they would be when I was in my 20’s, but unfortunately I didn’t have the personal relationships to really make it happen. A week later I feel much better about a number of things and can feel a number of changes have taken place in my head.
I’ve tried to write this without being too wanky about things.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116040
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 42
Published: Jan 25, 2022	Views: 2,497
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MDMA (3), Mushrooms (39) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Personal Preparation (45), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)