DOSE:

repeated

insufflated

Ketamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

181 lb

Background:
I have had some experience with ketamine before, but prior use had been mostly club based, that is, repeatedly doing pretty small lines in order to maintain a consistent level of inebriation. The K-hole had always been a frontier that had both scared and intrigued me, but I knew that at some point I would try it out. I decided that tonight was the night and set out a plan to do enough to get to the K hole. I ate a large meal around 1.5 hours prior to doing the ketamine, and I was feeling a little tired due to having gone out drinking the day prior, but I figured this would not matter much.

The Trip:
I began my journey by repeatedly snorting small ~20mg lines until I felt I was at the threshold just beneath what I considered to be the forever “just out of reach” K-hole, then I proceeded to snort an absolute ski slope sized line of ketamine. I am not a typical psychonaut, and I do not usually like to experiment with ego death or the absolute limits of the human mind too much, so I really don't know why I felt such a strong urge to send it with such a heroic dosage. I cannot be sure of the specific dosages at this point, but I do know that I started the evening with just under half a gram and I ended the evening with nothing. The events that transpired after the insufflation of this line are well beyond the limits of what can be expressed with any human language, and my memory of many of the parts of the rest of the evening are quite splotchy, however I will try my best to coherently record what I do remember.

After snorting the line I laid back in my bed with an eye mask on and put on some pre-tailored music which I thought would be quite fitting for what I imagined the K-hole was. The effects of the large dose I had just ingested came on quite rapidly and within 3 minutes I began to have extremely vivid fractal-like hallucinations of continually inflating geometric grid patterns. These visuals felt larger than life in scale and enveloped my entire field of vision in a sense. When I opened my eyes my regular vision was extremely grainy, as if I was viewing the world on 240p. I closed my eyes and put back on the eye mask as I was beginning to feel the effects of the ketamine in full force. The intensity and immersiveness of the trip progressed exponentially at this point and it wasn't long before I felt complete and utter detachment from my body. The complete severing of the mind body connection was something I had never even conceived as possible, and the sheer intensity and suddenness of its onset was quite jarring.

I really have no other way to describe the mind state I was in other than as it felt like a completely separate dimension/universe. It was a little like the book Flatland by Edwin Abbott Abbott, where a 2-D square is taken to the 3-D world of a sphere. As time went on the hallucinations I experienced shifted from being a visual ordeal and more of a conceptual headspace shift. I say this with the risk of sounding like a stereotypical hippie, but the closest example to the conceptual hallucinations I experienced would be that I felt like how the trippy scenes from Doctor Strange looked. I found the visuals to be quite dull in tone and color however they took up the entirety of my headspace.

I felt utterly and completely lost in this new K-hole dimension. A wandering consciousness in the wilderness of a plane of existence with an extra spatial dimension. I was completely detached not only in the very literal sense from my body, but also from all emotions as well, as I felt like a bystander or spectator watching over the life of some beyond-comprehension 4th dimensional being.

Realities were warping on a cosmic scale over and over on top of one another in an infinite unfolding pattern. A fractal of TV static fuzz was forever zooming forwards and I remember the mere thought of the abstract concept of friends or parents being completely alien and utterly incomprehensible. Absolutely nothing made any sense to me. The amnesiac properties of ketamine paired with the extremely sudden shift in consciousness caused me to completely forget that I had taken a drug so I kept wondering how exactly I got here and who/what I was, however owing to the complete dissociation from any reference point possible there was no answer no be found. Trying to remember anything from my life before I entered this strange new dimension was made harder by the ever present distracting nature of the infinite unfolding hallucinations I was feeling. I do not know how long I spent in this state, probably no longer than 30-60 minutes or so, but it felt like both a very long and a very short amount of time.

After I had sobered up a little more I made an attempt at changing my music and the concept of a little pocket computer at no more than an arm's reach was quite funny to me. I kept trying to unlock my phone's password and I remember questioning why I instinctively knew to put in a specific sequence of integers. This questioning led me to remember that I had indeed taken a drug and that yes the effects would wear off eventually.

Although I was no longer in the peak of the trip, I was still extremely high and the fact that I had no feeling in any of my body was extremely weird. To look at your hands and feel a little disgusted by the clumsy flesh paddles that you've had for your whole life was a bit unsettling to say the least. I also found that not being able to differentiate between the flesh of my mouth and my teeth was extremely uncomfortable and in general I found the body sensations to be very unenjoyable. I found that the process of continuing to sober up and remember just exactly who I was was not fun at all as I had to deal with the uncomfortable body high without the presence of interesting hallucinations to distract me.

I spend the next couple hours unable to sleep, going through the process of methodically remembering who I was. I sort of felt like one of those guys in orange jumpsuits who casually pick up garbage with grabbers underneath highway overpasses, however instead of picking up garbage I was picking up fragmented pieces of my consciousness and memories.

Now that a solid 16+ hours have passed and I'm pretty sure I've got most of the pieces back I can say that overall I found this to be an incredibly interesting and memorable experience. Although in the moment I felt extremely confused and lost, and later on did not enjoy the body high at all, I was never scared or fearful. I think that now that I sort of know what a huge dose feels like I would be able to mentally prepare a lot better for the next time, that is if there ever is one.

I also think that if there ever is a next time then I would take a lot less in total as well as take the lines much more spaced out rather than one super big one. I believe that this would help with not forgetting I had taken a drug as well as made the transition between sober and super fucked up much more smooth and easy to manage.

Overall I don't regret the experience but I would definitely do some things differently next time, and I don't plan on doing special K for quite a considerable amount of time...

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116163
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Mar 11, 2022	Views: 7,938
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