BODY WEIGHT:

120 kg

Endogenous, Meditation, Visionary Inquiry

One hour

Entering the visionary space, a fuchsia and purple tiled floor of irregular polygons and having a peculiar jelly like softness and partial transparency yet also firm and feather-like. Soothing and supportive. I settle down in a meditative equi-pose, cross-legged in a full-lotus. I am wearing an all black full body covering over a grey, featureless, and humanoid form.

Before me is a similar featureless grey being but wearing all white robes. We appear like bundles of loose coiled cotton cloth, serpentine and tapering towards the head. We, or so it seems, begin to meditate on each other. Slowly, 5cm wide compartments open and roll starting with their legs and moving up their body in larger sections. Reaching the torso there is a double-door like opening, the arms spread open and begin to fan out, fragmented in large sections and recombining and multiplying in a centipede like style, first as arms of light, then as if over lapped or forming angel wings, then circumscribing their back and sides they form a clockwise rotating halo.

After sometime the rotating sections, in their multifarious iterations, collapse again into the original image of the meditator. Large mauve rectangular blocks above the their crossed-legs appear and open out from the right side then the left and a subsequent sequence of opening, rotating, and geometric fragmentation and recursive fanning out of arms and their parts in smaller forms and larger forms. Our robes or threads slip away and the many arms-wings-halos form a tunnel. Without moving my visionary form, my view is drawn into the tunnel and as I pass through, as if crawling, my buttocks are paddled by every arm. Having completed the tunnel transforming from a child playing a game into an adult and round the right side of the tunnel and high-five all the hands. Returning to my visionary body in a meditative equi-pose, having not moved during the paddling process. Collapsing into the initial meditative forms, there is a layer-by-layer peeling and rolling up of their form beginning with the face and skin, the torso and the tissue and organs and then the skeletal structures. As if in response I shred my form in a burst of similar layers.

My visionary partner and I collapse briefly into our original forms and then they burst and in a kaleidoscopic concentric rainbow, with each layer representing a scale of reality from the macroscopic to microscopic. As in concert I also burst and we merge and dance in complex patterns. A millipede totemic grey concrete tower of octagonal blocks with golden bronze arms lifted up with each section rotating in a unique direction and the arms moving up and down. Soon this chaos collage complexifies with more movement and fragmentation and shifts into the background covering the 'walls' of the environment which were previously gently flowing shades of blue mixed with white paint brush strokes. Out of the scenery we emerge back in the initial forms and posture. Having acknowledged the repeating patterns of: rotations, fragmentation, and multiplication.

As if in response they, and then I, burst one-by-one in these multicolor painted lightning-bolt branches of an iridescent fuzzy yet solid liquid mercury, jagged as vast tree limbs. Each branch appears one at a time and they are disproportionately large in comparison to the forms from which they emerge. Eventually the same process occurs in my forms and there is merging into a vast mast flowing and spiral and serpentine patterns eventually erasing the collage landscape and resetting it all to the meditators.

Me: What are you?
Them: Identityless.
Me: No, what are you really?
Them: Anything. I am a medium of life. I am a life-force.
Me: What are you to yourself?
Them: The terms within your questions are ill-equipped to receive my answer. 'What' can refer to substance, I have no fixed substance. Unless you use something like 'form' or 'concept' and 'idea'.
Me: How about spirit? Are you spirit?
Them: More like the spirit of spirit, all the networks of meaning that would allow one to understand the word ‘spirit’.
Me: We have this term called 'indexicality' which is everything that is necessary for communication to occur but is rarely made explicit during communication. Is this what you mean by the networks of meaning?
Them: In a sense yes, but push it further. Consider the words 'you' and 'self' they are premised on networks of definitions which if they are expressed in language are premised upon further networks of significance. A word is a collage of networks of meanings.

Me: And your substance is anything that can be meant by the word substance in addition to everything required to understand those meanings?
Them: In a sense, yes.
Me: If I ask what is your nature, structure, function, value, and relevance will I receive a similar answer?
Them: In simple terms, formlessness is my nature, something like the nature of nature. Structure is inappropriate, it would be one of my functions rather. Some entities are their beings, my being or ontos is an activity or function. I am not dependent upon it. If your question is 'what' or 'who', whatever the answer that will be phrased 'I am' or 'We are' is always just a function.
Me: Proceeding with English, may you please suggest a better means of inquiring into You?
Them: Pattern is what we show. Pattern is what and how we communicate.
Me: Is numinousity, alterity, or mystery the content of your patterns?
Them: No, not all of them.
Me: Are you familiar with personal names?
Them: Yes, but something without an identity can't have a consistent name. We have many names and we have none.

Me: We bring up names because they represent a unique pattern associated with a changing phenomenon. Both a newborn and a corpse can share a pattern like a symbolic representation of an essence that is continuous through every variation. Do you have a unique pattern or an essential pattern?
Them: Chaos in the sense of a random pattern generator. The essence would be a lack of continuity. A lack of a narrative or thread.
Me: Then what are you about?!
Them: (laughs) Fufufu. No aboutness here. This is addressing our question about value and relevance. If meaning is purpose and function then patterning Being and experiences is what we do. Intentions or consequences, causes and effects and thus value and relevance are misplaced t/here. We are the origin of concepts, the computation of patterns that precedes them as we generate the formless chaos from which ordered forms and content arise. The speed of darkness is incalculable for it arrives without movement. Cool and lucid, like awareness before intuition and cognition.
Me: Are there other questions we should be asking? Like, to inquire into numinousity?
Vision bursts into black, white, grey pixelated static and a rapid succession of forming environments. Patterns being born from chaos, meditators all dissolved into chaos, perspective on the visionary space is unfixed, the vision as if unhinged.
The concept of irrationality flashes in the passing patterns.
On another level, as if on another screen, the meditators proceed with the interview.
Them: Questioning itself, appears misguided.

Me: What are alternatives to questioning?
Them: Exploration without intention, no longer seeking knowledge or transformation. The path of logos and accounting practices are necessarily incomplete. Solomon calls wisdom meaningless and wisdom was what he valued above all things. The journeyer and researcher who wish to see and understand find no satisfaction because their task is without completion. A journey without a destination is fruitless, a journey of many destinations is fruitless, a journey for the sake of journeying makes no distinction between beginning and end.
Me: Is climax, ending, and satisfaction not worth seeking?
Them: Anything that can be sought once, can be sought again. With value being premised on ultimately baseless assumptions. The senses never tire.
Me: What about being?
Them: Stop questioning, there is no end to an asymptotic endeavor.

Me: What about merging and union and becoming?
Them: All based on arbitrary assumptions and definitions about identity or self as separate. Imagine a totally unseparated alterity, complete unfamiliarity without an opposite. The holy wholly other which is thee only one and only. A world entirely without self or identity. A world without personhood. What would differentiate it from this one? Whether actions arise or whether they are done by some agent, the act and consequence is the same. It's arbitrary whether there is any will, agency, or autonomy or rather whether it is personal or impersonal, whether it's you, Nature, or God or whether these are all identical.

Questioning ends, in silence all merges, complete dissolution, iridescent static.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116240
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Sep 27, 2022	Views: 352
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Endogenous (86), Meditation (128) : Entities / Beings (37), General (1), Not Applicable (38)