DOSE:	repeated	smoked	Cannabis - Hash
		smoked	Tobacco
	1 hit	smoked	DMT
	1 hit	smoked	DMT
	4 hits	smoked	DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

75 lb

The day had finally come, I was about to pop my DMT cherry once and for all. The circumstances wasn't ideal as I was slightly hungover from a bottle of wine the night before and I had smoked hashish throughout the day. I still felt content on going through with the experience.

I was nervous and somewhat self aware about the whole ordeal about to come. For the last 5 or so years I've been interested in the practice of exploring consciousness. I've probably taken acid over a hundred times and a daily smoker of hashish. I've climbed the mountain and experienced what's on the other side. I've read the tales and I've disciplined myself through practice.

So with all that in mind, I was nervous or curious what effect the DMT experience would have on me.

The plan was that me and two friends would do it together, one at a time, in a small apartment. The setting was great, a cozy vibe with incense flowing in the air.

We used my wooden tobacco pipe and used leftover ashes at the bottom, the DMT in the middle, and tobacco on top as to not burn the DMT.

Our friend AP went first, only taking a small hit with not the best technique. Me and our other friend sat silently not knowing what move to make. Eventually AP said "you can talk, I don't feel much. It's great". And that was about it for his experience.

I decided to go next, and boy was I nervous. It was a combination of nervousness and stage fright, as if I had to prove something to the others and particularly myself for some reason.

I added roughly 100mg of DMT in the pipe, with some leftovers from AP, and also some hashish at the top layer. Two mistakes were made here, I added way too much. I also wouldn't recommend combining it with hashish for the first time. It was foolish and stupid, while I at the time rationalized it being a heroic dose. There's nothing heroic about it.

Anyway, here's my recollection:

- I put on OTT in the background and laid down in the sofa with a blanket over me. My friends sat next to me waiting to assist me with the pipe and lighter.

- I do some short breathing in hopes of calming down, and I then take the first toke. It's a big one, as I'm used to smoking hashish through that pipe daily. The taste and smell was so sweet and lovely, it felt natural and not plastic at all that I've read some reports about.

- I feel it coming on immediately, and already I'm wanting to turn off the music but I don't wanna shift my focus to the external so I decide not to bother.

- Second toke, this time even bigger.

- I close my eyes and see something, I can't really make out what it is but it's a big shifting shape and it's buzzing and inviting. It felt like the hashish made the vision a bit blurry, it affected the quality of the vision.

- I go for a third toke, but instead, I take maybe four more inhales. I held it in long, and I don't recall exhaling.

- The music in the background is all happy and trippy, but I'm now experiencing the opposite. It is not a tunnel of colors or impossible patterns, but instead blind fright and confusion. The situation felt so comical, the polar opposites of the mood the music conveyed and the actual experience left me in-between the two. It was like two forces fought each other and me experiencing the friction it created.

This is not what I expected.

After the final tokes I could not move, I was immobilized and confronted by an entity or energy so malevolent it scared the living shit out of me. I also hear the high pitched noise I've read people hear on DMT, it was loud. All I do is mindful breathing and repeating the word "love" in hopes of letting go or doing anything to make the experience move on to something else. I just wanted to make peace with it, but it didn't allow me to access a breakthrough. It was as if it conveyed that I should drop the act and be real. Don't bring this hippie colored ego with pride thinking it'll be a smooth transition to the other side.

The entity looked like that 9000 year old cave painting of a mushroom man, it was almost uncanny. It bended my mind and engulfed me with fear. It felt like psychosis or the beginning of a stroke. The hardest part was to not do anything about it, as I know there's nothing to do but to lay still and wait it out.

I managed to reach out my hand to one of my friends who held it, that was a great comfort.

The song ended, roughly 8 minutes into the experience, and another one came on that wasn't driven by a beat, just nice soundscapes.

The entity then just faded away and I got a taste of the essence of DMT. It wasn't visual for me, but rather something felt and experienced through feeling and awareness . I basked in it, no thought, just peace.

After a while, I felt like coming up from underneath water and then slowly transitioned back in the room with my friends. I couldn't talk or do much yet, I laid still and just uttered "thank you" to both of my friends for being there. Without them it would've been a very vulnerable situation to be in.

Afterwards I felt joy and love but also a bit shaken from the experience. It was very humbling. The feeling of joy still lingers on a bit to this day, two weeks after the experience. Just a taste of the source is enough.

Our third friend decided to wait a bit after my experience, which I'm thankful for. I felt the need to share what I had experienced, and I just couldn't keep it short and sweet and sweep it away. I needed to reflect, and they were lovely listeners and fellow brothers.

When I inevitably revisit this substance I'll make sure I'm out of my bubble of daily smoking and living a more healthy lifestyle and going in with more caution and respect.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116415
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Aug 9, 2022	Views: 465
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DMT (18), Cannabis - Hash (93) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3), First Times (2)