DOSE: T+ 0:00	200 mg	oral	Mescaline	(extract)
T+ 7:11	1 hit	smoked	Cannabis
T+ 8:20	1 hit	smoked	Cannabis
T+ 11:45	1 hit	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

Background:

I am a 36 year old male in good shape, I don't drink ethanol any longer and I try to only use plant medicines for spiritual development (caffeine, cannabis, psilocybe mushrooms). I have extensive experience with cannabinoids, and maybe 10 experiences with psilocybin, my largest dose being 3 grams, and I almost never have visuals. I have had two difficult trips before, which have ultimately been my greatest opportunities for development. I have no experience with phenethylamines. I had struggled recently with growing up in a rather conservative denomination and had finally resolved to reconcile my drug seeking and my faith. This is the first experience since I spoke with my pastor and explained to him how I use these substances in direct seeking of a spiritual experience and he endorsed my use, cleared me for launch. I was and will be ever grateful for his understanding of a thing he did not understand.

The mescaline in question was extracted 3 months prior in a first attempt of Kash's AB Tek with mescaline HCl as the results, which yielded a tan, almost purplish powder which was encapsulated at 200mg. I have a chemistry degree, but long disused and I doubted myself and worked up the courage to try it over the course of weeks and months, and this is what followed, on a Monday of a long weekend. My kids and wife were around, and their presence turned out to be a feature.

The experience:

8:00, T: 0:00: I started with a prayer of intention, asking to be granted an opportunity to see creation anew and to understand God's continual working in it (panentheism), and also to see the opportunities that I have in my life to be a witness. A large part of what convinced me to do this today was the admonition in church yesterday that we are to share our experiences of how Christ has touched us with others, and it was necessary to have the experience. I rose from prayer when I heard the Roomba start its chores, it must be 8AM. I take a pre-prepared capsule of 200mg mescaline HCl. I eat a small breakfast of frozen mango chunks, because fruit seemed like the best option and I wanted something to have on my stomach. I did not fast beforehand but this was my first meal of the day.

9:00, T: 1:00: No real effects so far, perhaps a lightening of mood and some energy (I was rather tired when I woke up). I spent the past hour helping the household stay on track and looking for opportunities to help clean and be of service. I'm about to start vacuuming. No nausea so far.

9:10, T: 1:10: I realize I am surprised how fast the past 70 minutes have gone, and with no anxiety, no nausea, no bad effects. I am at this point actively looking for signs of effect, and aside from the aforementioned slight mood boost I can find none. I have not yet gotten to the vacuuming, mostly because there is so much preparatory work to do, and I set about the task of tidying and instilling love into my environment and for my family.

9:30, T: 1:30: While in the process of tidying prior to cleaning I yawn, and while this would not be abnormal, it feels like an indicator of transition, as I've felt almost similarly sleepy in the come up on mushroom tea, albeit much closer to ingestion. No visual effects, and any mental effects well could be entirely self initiated and self-directed, as opposed to chemically.

9:40, T: 1:40: I for a moment found myself in a state of slightly stoned contemplation, about the nature of love and to not be paralyzed by fear that our intervention when we make one will be counterproductive; just go ahead and love. Mind you these feelings aren't particularly strong, and I'm easily able to convince myself of placebo.

9:57, T: 1:57: I let go of the idea that I may have taken too small a dose, or that if I did it will somehow be a waste in terms of the effort and time that were put into the extraction. This is a pool that deserves to be stepped into slowly, and it's beneficial effects will obtain regardless of dose. I consider future microdosing. Still easily able to convince myself of placebo, just in a lightly contemplative state, and very lucid.

10:02 T: 2:02: My son in a fit of frustration during a math lesson exclaims to my wife, "You don't tell me what to do!" and it just seems so completely laughable, not in a lol sense, but absurd, like of course that is what she is there for, to direct and guide him in the things he is to do. I don't experience the flash of authority and a need to enforce the boundary, it just is. He gets sent to his room but is quickly reunited and back on track. This interaction was not zero sum like it always seems. Still able to convince myself of placebo, mild stoned feeling, but almost indirect, like the hangover after a night of smoking a lot of cannabis after a significant abstention. I test for CEV's and find none.


10:13: T:2:13: I stare briefly at a painting of a resting lion that sits on our bedroom wall, in a direct attempt to observe any experiential effects. I get the very vague sense of the painting becoming larger, almost as though it is detached from the frame and when I look at the borders it is normal again. I write notes and test again. Definitely identifiable, but quite subtle, it is like a swelling at the point of focus that gives the impression of leaning in towards the painting. I give myself up to the idea that I do not need to have a specific prayer for this trip and that my purpose here is to observe and be placed in awe, and that is enough.

10:25 T: 2:25: I comment to my wife how this is a much less chaotic come up than any psilocybin, and how at this stage in the trip there is no question that a sitter would not be necessary, and I encourage her to try it sometime in that context. I look at a sticker I had recently received from [a vendor], and identify the cactus as BBG48.1540, but the sticker is a cartoon drawing. Nevertheless it reminds me of the iconic BBG58.1540 mother stand picture, the one that made that one one of my top white whales. I comment this to my wife and then we look up the picture. It is not a rotoscoped copy but undeniably the artist was drawing this specimen, and I am so pleased to have made the correct ID. Still subtle effects, and perhaps that is all this experience will be. I test for CEV'S and find none but I don't have time to sit down and engage in actual visualization, something I intend to do later. We are going on a walk.

10:38 T: 2:38: I struggle to find my tinnitus, it is still there but a finer, cleaner note, and less pervasive, despite being the same frequency.

11:23: T: 3:23: No really strong effects, just slightly more contemplative, no apparent CEV's.

12:48: T: 4:48: At this point in the trip I realize that I need to be in Boise the next morning at 10:30, which will necessitate some scrambling, but no associated anxiety, just resolve.

2:08: T: 6:08: A lot has happened in the last hour, I've realized that I do not in fact need to be present tomorrow, and the misunderstanding was not mine or through the action of any substance. I became enmeshed in a conversation, at first through text and then over the phone for 50 minutes with my client about my strategic and trial decisions and reasoning. Fully lucid, no aphasia, no issues, though it helped to have compassion close at hand as my ally, though it was not insisting upon itself in ways which burdened the communication. As mild as this experience was, its timing and intensity were fated and in a good way. I struggled with what questions I needed answered before the trip, and it seems that leaning into my client's cares and concerns, immersing myself in his case, is a spiritual practice enough for me. I consider the verb to try, as in to try a case, and I recall in Spanish how tratar means to try or attempt, but probar, a verb I used to translate solely as to prove but also means to try a case, also means to test and taste, and the process of trying a case begins well before one enters a courtroom. For the first time in a while I notice my tinnitus. This is normal, I just haven't thought about it at all since last mentioning it here.

3:11 T: 7:11: I get bored with the experience, for lack of a better descriptor, and decide to smoke a small amount of cannabis to catalyze what is left. I just feel I am not being challenged, and have really failed to achieve a flow state thus far. I will attempt to enter this next phase as slowly as time and attention to other attendant details of my life will allow. I load 0.20g into a small bowl with a screen. I take one hit and hold it. Normally I hem and haw about whether it is a good time to or whether it has been a long enough time since I last smoked, but this time I did it almost before I could think about it. Time is 3:15. I am aware of the counterclockwise hysteresis and I account for it before going further.

3:18: T: 7:18: I become deeply involved in a text with my client, to the extent that I notice this must be due to the most recent stimulus. The goat from down the road seems to say, "Dad!" but the more I listen the more I can convince myself it is just a regular bleat. Faster effect than typical dose response time in hysteresis model. I am aware briefly of having forgotten to use the first person, maybe a facet of ego death? It is unclear which substance is making the other hit harder. I examine the remaining sample to ascertain its state and discover it approximately 75% intact.

4:16: T: 8:16: What a great little ride that was! I believe the catalytic phase lasted for about 30 minutes and I took time to teach Baba is You to my 5 year old, and we had a lot of fun, really engaged with the game. I am taking the time now to push this a little further. The tolerance I normally disapprove of that I allowed to creep in this weekend proves an ally here, so that the slider of perception can be operated with precision. I become aware of how much more elevated from baseline at 3:00, some 7 hours in, was. I resolve nevertheless to partake again.

4:20: T: 8:20: I take a brief hit and hold it in. I go to start taking notes and write down the time, realizing what an opportune time it was, but this wasn't something I considered before this even in jest. I allow my mind to set off. While almost imperceptible itself, the mescaline seems to be grounding of the cannabis experience, and it feels much safer than it can have the tendency to feel with potentiation of mushrooms. There I go, drifting into a third person voice again. The time is 4:24.

4:32: T: 8:32: I realize that I forgot and then remembered that I could weigh the bowl to see. I weigh the cost of moving, the warm air that would normally be oppressive seems like a warm hug, the feeling of your skin numbed by stepping into a too hot hot tub but without the pain that comes first. I had chores to do, including finally taking a shower, which I had mostly just forgotten about doing despite it being part of my every day morning routine. I realize I forgot to do my pushups, which I saved myself from doing during the come up because I wanted to do them during the peak. I don't have time to do them now, and this motivates a move inside. As I go inside I resolve to stop being such a shitty narrator and actually weigh the bowl. 0.09g remaining. I shower and it is a grounding experience, almost unwantedly so, but not quite. Everything is just so lovely about this experience, even if it did not manifest as strong in any way. I hope that makes sense. I try to objectively gauge this against where I was at before 3:00 and fail, but I assume I must be in some way influenced by the cannabis, even so small an amount. As soon as I write this down, I think, no, it's completely obvious the cannabis is having an effect, but then I try to separate out which portion is which and they feel one in the same. Prior to this conniption I had exited the shower and put on a ridiculous outfit, because I wanted to, not so ridiculous, but my wife did comment, "Where are *you* going?"

5:24: T: 9:24: I finally do the first set of 65 pushups. It is not as easy as I expected but I get through them without stopping. I am winded after for a few minutes but I did feel like I naturally could breathe better than I otherwise would be able to. Despite my desire for food, I resolve to not eat until later when my wife does, because of a desire to prolong this experience and I know that eating will ground me permanently. It has been no food since 8AM and much less water than I would have expected needing. I resolve to drink water.

5:48: T: 9:48: I'm finally able to peel my eyes away from The Lion King which we are watching with the kids to do the second set of pushups, but this is no good judge since it is riveting in any state. The pushups are about as difficult as the last set.

6:00: T: 10:00: I'm again struck with how wonderful every part of this experience was, and how everyone should be able to experience it. I think of a few people in my life who desperately need this but who are too scared or shut off to try. The comedown is gentle too, no crash, no nausea still the entire time, nor anxiety even in highly anxiety inducing situations. It is simultaneously grounding and lifting.

6:09: T: 10:09: yawn for the very first time in a while. I begin to have a desire for and begin to prepare a nice light salad.

6:35: T: 10:35: I succumb to the salad, and have a second bowl, this time garnished with a little steak. I'm quickly grounded but still in an afterglow that makes me question the duality of grounded vs. high, they may not in fact be mutually exclusive.

7:00: T: 11:00: I can't believe it's 7, today went by in a blink.

7:45: T: 11:45: The kids finally in bed, I sit down to finish the remainder of the 0.2g bowl. This portion of the experience is clearly just the cannabis, and the only momentarily difficult part, despite how little of the remaining bowl is left. I get back on track and ride out the evening, consuming a full day of calories, and exhausted by 10pm. I am ready to go to bed but I resolve to clean the entire house to make sure that the experience is as good for everyone else as it was for me. I scrub it completely, mopping, cleaning out forgotten corners of long lost dust, shining the facades of appliances. I want everything to look as good on the outside as I feel in the inside, and I succeed. My soul feels lightly debrided by a psychic loofah.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116466
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 36
Published: Aug 1, 2022	Views: 1,606
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Mescaline (36), Cannabis (1) : Combinations (3), Families (41), General (1), Alone (16)