DOSE:	150 mg	oral	Armodafinil
		oral	Coffee	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

First Week Taking Armodafinil

This week, I tried Modafinil for the first time. I took it from Monday to Friday. I ingested it with water, between 9am and 10am. During the day, I also consumed coffee - since I usually drink coffee everyday, it was necessary to get a clear impression of the experiment. Below, you’ll find a list of the physical/mental effects I felt, and the pros and cons that I identified in my journal.

1. Physical and mental effects

* Intense sweating, mostly in the hands
* Decrease in sensation and body awareness
* Increase of the amount of thoughts and ideas
* Stability of productivity, mental state and emotions
* Diarrhea and frequent need to urinate
* Dry mouth and continuous thirst

2. Benefits of taking Modafinil

* Intense focus: I worked like crazy, no stop from 10am to 11pm. In fact, I feel unable to stop working since it’s the only thing that exists/brings interest. Still, there’s no clear effect on motivation. The benefits only take on once the task is started and I put myself in a good mood.
* Dissociation with time: when I work fast, time seems to slow down; when I work with intense focus, fixated on one thing, time seems to accelerate. It feels like time is either extremely slow or extremely fast.
* Dissociation with environment: I feel that the environment only exists as a vessel for my thoughts and ideas. It becomes a necessary structure. There’s no colors, forms, movement, only me in this fixed materiality.
* Feeling of self-sufficiency and power: I feel that I’ve become my only need. This week, I glued myself to my chair, and was entirely immersed in my projects. The new found focus gave me a feeling of power: “I can do everything, and I want to do it now!”. I only focus on the amazing possibilities before me. I have no desire to leave the house, to distract myself with games or movies, or to socialize. It’s like falling in love, but with yourself (that’s maybe a bit too much).
* Loss of anxiety: anxiety just vanished. One day I was obsessing over my ex, over my future, not knowing what to do with myself. Everything was about getting through phases of nostalgia, panic and worries. Now, I feel empowered. I realized that my anxiety was grounded in low self-esteem. But my renewed passion, power and determination, I don’t even have the time or interest to worry about anything.

3. Cons of taking Modafinil

* Insomnia: I have to force myself to stop working. It’s like fighting with myself. When I close my eyes, I see flashes of light, and thoughts just flow into my mind. I used to take trazodone for sleep, but it has no effect when I’m taking Modafinil. I have to use Ativan and 25mg of Seroquel to get through the night.
* My body is tired: I know that my body is tired. It needs sleep and relaxation. But, my mind is going at the speed of sound and nothing can stop it.
* Isolation: I lost any interest in other humans, or in nature. I’ve become a mind, a flow of ideas, more than a being in the world and society. It’s really weird, and probably bad in the long run.
* Intense obsession: I get focused on small details, it’s a cycle of obsession, often useless.
* Forgets day-to-day tasks: my eating routine is ok. However, all the rest (showering, walking, cleaning, washing clothes, getting the mail, etc. etc.) I tend to forget.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116580
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 23
Published: Sep 14, 2022	Views: 752
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Armodafinil (507) : General (1), Performance Enhancement (50), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)