DOSE:

2 hits

smoked

DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

I had a rough few weeks before this experience and was somewhat depressed, although at the time I didn't consciously acknowledge it. I think some deep part of my mind knew I was depressed, but I wasn't consciously truly aware of the fact.

I didn't think much about my mindset or anything of that nature because I knew from my past experience with DMT that there is no possible way to prepare for the ineffable and utter alienness of being absorbed into another dimension where nothing is like anything seen in normal life.

And for the most part, that's been true for me, so, naturally, I didn't think preparation of any kind mattered much. The only thing I did to prepare was lock my dog out and take a few deep breaths. (I had a difficult experience before, but only because my dog sprinted into the room to lick me in the face with extreme enthusiasm just as I began to trip major balls, and I fought him off with the effectiveness of a toddler vs Bruce Lee. It is quite a funny story actually, but not the subject of this report.)

I had previously melted the last of my DMT into a mesh screen composed of some thin copper wire all jumbled up and packed into the bowl of my bong. That was probably a month or two ago. I also put some weed+DMT I had from a previous session on top of that. Ultimately, I have no idea how much was in there. And I used a torch lighter that produces a long, blue flame this time; I've always used a regular bic lighter before, but I didn't have one on me.

T+0:00 - I took a few deep breaths, then a massive hit from my bong and held it in for about 20-30 seconds. I blew out the smoke and as soon as it was all out I knew I was in for something big. I took another massive hit and while inhaling I began to see vague, dull geometric shapes and unusual colors in my peripheral vision as well as the characteristic buzzing noise I associate with DMT trips. I held that one in for as long as I could too.

T+0:01 I had planned on taking 3 hits - that's what it takes for me to break through normally, with a bic lighter - but I knew I was done for after the second one. The small table in front me started floating a few inches off the ground and rotating left and right, and it was covered in this - it almost looks like a slow moving and thin haze, or film maybe, colored like a rainbow and made up of strange shapes and swirls. I always see it in the beginning stages of a DMT trip and it covers most objects and surfaces.

I swirled my hands through the air for a few seconds and took in the strange sights unfolding in front of me before lying back and closing my eyes.

T+0:02 It didn't take long before I was completely enveloped, surrounded in all three dimensions head to toe - 'swallowed' by this strange, sentient, living machine that I can only assume was the actual Devil. It was pure malice. Pure menacing. The most obscene, obnoxious, disgusting son of a bitch imaginable.

But as I was saying, this strange "thing" was wrapped all around me; its "body?" consisted of dozens of tubes, or pipes, or maybe thick wires. It constantly buzzed in my face like an angry insect, like a big fat angry hornet trapped in your hair and stinging you out of hate.

Its "arms" for lack of a better word were grinding my insides and pulling them out of me in several more than 3 dimensions. 100% of the guts it took out of me it barfed and choked directly into my face, out of a part of the "machine" that seemed like a tailpipe of a dirty combustion engine, and with this kind of intentional "let me make sure I get this entire loogie before I spit it in your face" attitude.

Strangely, it didn't hurt. I didn't feel pain - just the sensation of my guts being ground up and barfed into my face by this malicious, menacing, buzzing entity of hate. Although, towards the end, it started poking me in the eyes - now, my eyes were closed, so I'm talking about my mind's eyes. Eyes that don't have eyelids. Eyes that can't be closed. But it still felt like my actual eyes. And I could tell this Devil machine was doing this to me simply because it knew it had me. It knew I couldn't go anywhere or do anything about it and it was just going to torture me in every way possible for the time it had me.

I thought for sure: this is The Devil. I remember thinking how stupid it would be for someone to worship this thing, because, well, you think of the Devil as this walking, talking, reasoning being who maybe is an asshole, but this was nothing like that. This thing cannot be reasoned with. You cannot talk to it. It wants nothing other than to grind you up and barf your own guts back into your face while poking you in the eyes. It just wants you to suffer and I don't think it would care if you worshiped it. I think you would get tortured just the same.

Then I thought: if this was actually Hell, there's no way the human psyche could sustain this level of torment for very long. I mean, an hour of it would probably leave permanent mental scars. For life. The mind would melt into that reality and it would be absolutely intolerable, even though there is no choice BUT to tolerate it because there is nowhere to run. No way to turn it off. You can't close your eyes, even though you're getting poked in them. You're just stuck. With no choice but to feel it. And the mind would quickly become an unrecognizable lump of scrambled, mangled eggs.

I remember thinking even the CIA might would find this form of torture too intense, too savage. Even more than sensory deprivation or waterboarding. They wouldn't even use it at GITMO. That's how extreme it felt.

Anyways, this went on for about 10-15 minutes. I kept reassuring myself it would be over soon, it's almost over. I just tried to dissociate myself, to be a passive observer, to distract myself with the pretty colors and shapes unfolding in 4 dimensions until it ended. Subjectively, it felt like way more than 10-15 minutes and I just kept wishing it would hurry up and wear off.

It was hands down the most incredibly fucked up thing I have ever experienced in 10 minutes and I'm so glad it's over.

Seriously, wtf.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116766
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Nov 11, 2022	Views: 526
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
DMT (18) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5)