DOSE:	36 mg	rectal	Pharms - Methylphenidate
	36 mg	rectal	Pharms - Methylphenidate
	72 mg	rectal	Pharms - Methylphenidate
	25 mg	oral	Pharms - Lamotrigine
	72 mg	rectal	Pharms - Methylphenidate
	50 mg	oral	Pharms - Lamotrigine
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

If I were describe my relationship with stimulants I would use one word. Romance. The highs and lows, push and pull, love and pain. It'll show me greater happiness and compassion than anything else in this life then rip it all away and destroy me. But I'm in love what can I say.

My drug of choice is Methylphenidate. To the average drug user this might seem strange, even funny. How could someone fall in love with such a shitty non-euphoric stimulant like that? Well the few that have IV'd it or stuck it up their ass know why. I'm more a "shove it up your ass" guy myself. Besides they put so much filler shit in those pills nowadays I think I'd be dead before I got the plunger down.

Who am I? 20 years old. A bit of a bum. Diagnosed maniac (Bipolar 1). You know how pharmacologists create animal models of anxiety and depression? Well my entire life is a model of anxiety and depression. I've been using drugs to self-medicate for this unfortunate fact for a while now and tried just about everything besides benzos. I'd never try benzos just because of my history with alcohol. The only drug I wish I never tried.

I got a pysch who prescribed me Escitalopram, Buspirone, and Methylphenidate. My anxiety and depression never really improved from these drugs which eventually lead to my psych prescribing me Lamotrigine. Lamotrigine is the only drug that has ever improved my depression and anxiety and has been very good to me. But this isn't about my depression.

I will referring to Lamotrigine as LTG and Methylphenidate as MPH from now on.

The day after getting prescribed LTG I got a text message on my phone saying my MPH script is ready for pickup. I happily drove on over to the Walgreens and grabbed my 30 lovely little yellow 18 mg pills. I usually burn through my script in a couple days so It had been around a month since my last dose. After I got back home I threw the bottle on my night stand and decided I would wait until the next day before starting my bi-monthly MPH binge.

I slept like shit. I woke up at 3AM and tried smoking some weed to see if it would help to no avail. At around 5:30 AM I decided now was the time to boof some MPH. I chopped up two 18 mg pills, dissolved them in 100 ml of hot water, stirred it vigorously for 20 minutes and vacuum filtered the solution into a glass. I purged my rectum with 150 ml hot water in a 150 ml syringe style enema device 6 times in a row until the only thing coming out of my rectum was crystal clear water. I sucked up the MPH solution, inserted it into my rectum, and slowly pushed the plunger in.

Mindset: Pretty pissed
Setting: Home, Car

HIT #1 (MPH 36 mg):

Disappointment. There are few feelings worse than taking a hit and not getting a hit. I think my tolerance is just too high. 10 Minutes after insertion there was maybe 30 minutes of mild euphoria followed by a gut-wrenching sudden and brutal crash. Tried driving around listening to music but just felt empty. Time to try again.

HIT #2 (MPH 36 mg):

After struggling to get the plunger down due to muscle weakness and shakiness from the comedown I was met with another disappointing not-hit. Feeling defeated and depressed, I decided to pop one of my 25 mg LTG pills and load up a 72 mg MPH shot to see if they interact at all.

HIT #3 (MPH 72 mg, LTG 25 mg):

WOW! 10 minutes after dosing I was met with a full body intense euphoria and warmth stemming from my colon. Finally a proper fucking hit. I laid down on my bed on my left side while rocking back and forth to speed up absorption. The intense euphoria caused me to enter a trance like dissociative state. I am no longer myself, no longer a human or animal. I have no thoughts, worries, nothing. I feel love. I am love.

Feels practically identical to shooting coke. Feels better than amphetamine or meth, better than any opiate I've ever tried. I was given the reason I fell in love with this substance in the first place.

30 minutes in I realized something. I usually stop feeling the euphoric effects of MPH about 30 minutes in but this time what I felt was an even stronger euphoria than the initial come up phase. I was rocking back and forth listening to music on my bed. I was dysfunctional. I tried pulling up porn but I found my self too paralyzed by euphoria and love to even bother.

This intense euphoria lasted for a whopping 3 hours. Usually the time it takes to almost completely come down from a hit. Speaking of comedown, there was no comedown. I instead slowly returned to a simply normal state of mind while feeling mildly stimulated. I felt no weakness, no sharpness, no depression, no... craving. Maybe I still love it but there was just no hook there, no emotion pulling me in.

I was then met with an unfamiliar feeling. A feeling I haven't felt in a long time. I felt hungry. I was able to eat food! I've puked just from the thought of eating before on MPH and this time I was just able to sit down and eat! Excitedly, I decided to pop another 25 mg LTG pill and try this again.

HIT #4 (MPH 72 mg, LTG 50 mg):

INCREDIBLE! Hours and hours of pure euphoria. The best I have ever felt in my life. This time I started to feel extremely horny at around the 3 hour mark. Porn and masturbation was incredible. I was non-stop listening to music the entire time which sounded amazing. Again I had no comedown but a gentle but stimulated return to reality. I would normally feel fried at the end of a day of heavy stimulant use but I felt fine. I felt happy. I cooked up some ramen and ate it with no problem. I then smoked some weed and fell asleep without issue. I slept pretty good, much better than the day before. I woke up and still felt fine. Not fried at all.

After this my relationship changed with MPH. This was no longer romance. It's love. Pure unconditional love. By combing these two drugs my lover had become much more kind and gentle. It no longer takes from me only gives. I used to think "5 hits is a good time but 1 hit will ruin your day" but now that's just not the case. I can do one hit in the morning and as long as I pop some LTG beforehand I can just go about my day feeling completely normal afterwards. The pain is gone, the hook has been removed. I am forever grateful.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116877
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Jan 27, 2023	Views: 479
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Pharms - Lamotrigine  (432), Pharms - Methylphenidate (114) : Alone (16), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)