DOSE: T+ 0:00	50 mg	oral	Pharms - Paroxetine	(daily)
T+ 0:00	4 hits	oral	LSD	(pill / tablet)
T+ 15:00	1 mg	oral	Pharms - Alprazolam	(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

110 kg

I am currently stabilyzing my mental health after more than 6 months of Panic Disorder and depression. As I have greatly improved since the beginning of my treatment, I felt ready to try a microdose of LSD and get some innerself perspective. Around 12 hours before this report, I had taken my daily dose of 50 mg of paroxetine.

*Disclaimer: I am experienced at psychodelics, having used from the average beer to Salvia Divinorum. Nevertheless I had never used more than 1.5 tabs of LSD before and it was 6 years since my last psychodelics experience. I do not suggest, advise or encourage the use of any drugs whatsoever for mental health treatment.*

I was at a friend’s house with 4 more friends and my cousin came by with 25 black star microdot he had just gotten. His statement is that each one had around 200 ug of LSD, lab tested, but I can’t confirm this information.

9pm: my cousin gave me half of a leg of the star. No taste. I couldn’t believe how small it was and wondered if I was going to feel anything from that at all.

9h30pm: I decided to ask for another piece as I was suspicious the dose was too low and I wouldn’t feel anything, even more because SSRIs may decrease the potency of LSD trips. I decided to drop 2 more “legs” and the other half the first. If the lab test was correct, it would account for 100 ug and be a mid to high dose and no longer a microdosing.

10h30pm: I started to feel some kick from the LSD. I felt relaxed and started to have some visual distortions, where the plants started to be pulsating. I laid belly up on the floor and felt as if Earth was gently massaging me. I looked up and the shadows of the plants, projected by the light in front of them, created a pattern on the wall and I suddenly realized that this pattern was the woven threads of my life, where each knot represented a choice I had made and the various outcomes of what was and could have been. I looked at my phone to see what time it was and the numbers on the phone were melting but still readable. I spent sometime observing the “history” of my life and the possible outcomes I could have had.

Unknown time: time was already becoming dilated and I can’t say how long it was before I decided to get up. Nevertheless I can say it was not long by putting together the timeframe of the night. At this moment, I had decided I wanted a full blown LSD trip to levels I had never tried before. I asked my cousin to give me the rest of that half microdot and 3 more. He was reluctant at first but in the end gave me

11h45pm: I started to have extreme visual distortions and hallucinations. I wasn’t ready for the level of kick I had. I looked at a friend and his face was completely changed. His eyes were big black hollow dots and his visage appeared as as if it was one of those plague masks from the middle ages. I uttered I was not feeling well and I was taken by extreme panic. I could barely keep myself at foot. One of my friends sat me down and did a breathing exercise with me until I relaxed and stopped panicking. He told me it was only 15 minutes to midnight and that the drug was kickin in now and I should be aware that the trip was going to increase so the best was to let it take control and enjoy it as fighting it would do me no good. He emphasized that nothing bad was going to happen to me and that they would be with me all the way.

11h45pm to 3h30am: I only know the timeframe because I was told later, but for me it could as well have been an eon. The visuals rapidly increased. Everything started to look like a Monet painting at first, but with shattered pieces that moved independently from one another. After some moments I started to see things in a way that is very difficult to discribe, but I’ll try my best: my view was like it was 2d. I couldn’t say the size of things nor what was just next to me or far away. At the same time everything appeared to blossom in many dimensions, as if all had expanded while the overall had contracted. Movements started to freeze and leave trails in my sight. All of a sudden everything was a big pattern with infinite dimensions. A complete loss of self took over me. I could no longer tell myself apart from the things surrounding me. The same happened for the sounds, where I couldn’t distinguish one specific sound from the other but at the same time they were as if separate notes within the same melody that was being created. Finally all my senses merged and I could feel, see, hear, smell and taste everything. Sound waves propagated in incredible colorwaves with different tastes and smells that I could feel as touching me from a distance, because somehow I was it all.

While closing my eyes I could vividly see landscapes that belong to a sci-fi novel, made of what looked like machines of some sort. At a certain moment I opened my eyes and had visions of ethereal beings that looked like were made of smoke, appearing and disappearing. Despite not being able to tell myself from anything else, it was as those beings were separated entities. I can’t say if those were my friends walking around or part of the halucination.

The enviroment started speaking to me telepathically, as if it was a limb in my body that was sending a signal directly to my brain and it said I was going to get cleaned up and purge all that was making me feel bad. I remember then having a urge to puke and vomited intensively. After this I felt pure and light as if there was no more gravity and my body was weightless. After this I remember having a sense of self again and “understood” (for a better way of putting it) that I was connected with the whole universe so it could heal me, and now that I was healed, it let me be myself again, as the universe having a humane experience.

I don't remember the specifics of the next part, but I remember being in a totally different enviroment, with all colours shapes and sounds making shifting patterns controlled by a huge fibonacci like fractal that was timespace itself dictating the pace of everything.

3h30am: I was able again to differentiate objects and recognize people, so I got up and had a better balance, even though still feeling weightless. I interacted with my friends but couldn’t say if I was speaking or thinking (was speaking obviously, because they could answer me back) and asked for a glass of water. After a few exchanges and seeing that everything was fine with me, the homeowner and another friend said they were going to sleep. I can’t pinpoint precisely what time it was, but I put 3h30am as they said it was almost 4 am. The rest of my friends that lived closer to me said that they were eager to walk to a bar nearby and have some beers for a couple of hours before going home and asked if I was alright going with them or if I preferred to go home. I decided to come along.

3h30am to 6am: we stayed on the sidewalk next to the bar while my friends were drinking some beers. I didn’t want to drink as I take Xanax as a SOS for panic attacks and it can have potentially dangerous interactions with alcohol. Visuals were still strong but didn’t compare to before. At that moment I could clearly differentiate one object from another even though everything seemed different and changing. Things seemed to move and the stones that made the floor seemed to float. I looked at the sky and I saw as if the stars were shooting balls of light one to another. There was a path of light that ran like a river and up to the lamp posts as if it was the source of their electricity. Sometimes people would speak and I would see letters form in front of them as if subtitles in a movie. At a certain point someone said it was 6 am and everybody agreed to go home.

6 am until afternoon: We took a cab home and the moment the car accelerated it was if I was inside a tunnel of light going at light speed. When the car would stop in the lights, I looked at the asphalt and it was moving and changing as if it was fluid. I arrived home and spent literally hours listening to music and looking at my living room wall. The wall made shapes and figures that got out of them in multiple dimensions. My wife woke up to go to the gym and asked me what I was doing and I said I was tripping high on LSD. She asked if I wanted her to stay but I said it was ok for her to go for her workout. She came back and I was still there at the same spot, looking at an image of the ambient mode of my TV. It was a snowy mountain. I asked her if the picture was changing and she said no. I was seeing as if the snow in the mountain would melt and form a lake and then freeze again, all while changing colors. I could clearly see my wife surrounded by a blue aura. After some time I started to feel some muscular pain in my jaw and legs, which is usually the sign I get that the LSD trip is wearing off. I then decided to go to bed.

I spent some time laying at bed trying to sleep but my mind was still very much working. I decided to take 1 mg of Xanax to see if it would make me sleep. The effects at that point had diminished significantly and the only thing that I could notice on my visuals was that the wall of my bedroom seemed to extend to infinity. Nevertheless, after about an hour or so, I have no idea if related or not to the Xanax, I started to have vivid halucinations once again. (It might as well be the LSD that usually with me feels that it is finishing to then come back out of the blue)

Everything that was electrically related (switches, lamps, plugs) started to have colored magnetic fields around them. A mandala appeared around the lamp in my ceiling. This mandala didn’t follow my point of view. I tilted my head and I saw just a part of it as if it was a painting. Some tentacles the colour of those red wax seals started to come out of the walls and spread a thick wax through all my room, except for a more distant wall. This became like a movie screen where images would pop up like a film but, incredibly, with neon Japanese like subtitles. I kept watching amused all of that. My wife showed in the room and asked if I had hit baseline sobriety already to which I answered “unless the room is made of wax and there is a movie with neon japanese subtitles, I don’t think I am.”

She said it was almost 3 pm at that moment and asked if I wanted to eat something, to which I replied no. She said she would be in the living room in case I needed anything and closed the door. When the door shut it was if a wind storm took over the room and all the wax in the walls started to break in colored sandlike grains, filling all the floor of my room.

I then put some music on the headphones and closed my eyes, seeing incredible cascades of light that seemed to flow on the rhythm of the music. I can’t say how long it was before I slept, but at a certain point I did.

The very next day I woke up feeling wonderful. Everything seemed prettied and I felt more active, less anxious and the depression seemed to have gone. It lasted for a bit more than a week, with this positive after effects diminishing a bit everyday after the 3rd day. Nevertheless it was a spark for me to profit from this mood lift and started to do exercises again, to which I am maintaining steadily (week 3 now) and which is helping me to get better.

Exp Year: 2022	ExpID: 116911
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 35
Published: Jan 6, 2023	Views: 862
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LSD (2), Pharms - Paroxetine (148), Pharms - Alprazolam (98) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3), General (1)