DOSE:	repeated	insufflated	DMXE
	repeated	IV	DMXE

BODY WEIGHT:

185 lb

This is more of a vague retrospective than a coherent trip report due to the nature of the drug in question and my own stupidity. Perhaps you can learn something from my mistakes, or just gawk at the sheer idiocy of the indomitable human spirit.

As a preface, I was 25 at the time, recently laid off, severely mentally ill, with a nebulous drug habit going back 6 years or so, with needle use appearing roughly 3 years before. Experiences are extensive due to a misguided belief that addiction could be avoided by hopping from drug to drug. Physically yes, mentally not so much.

I've always had some kind of morbid fascination with pushing the envelope, soaring as high as I could possibly go, with the habit only worsening after intravenous use became a mainstay of my life. I'd gotten off fairly lightly, all things considered, and still do – where friends would come down with serotonin syndromes and seizures and bad trips I'd just coast on by no worse for wear, shooting up an entire gram of darknet MDMA in a night until my hallucinations were indistinguishable from reality, slamming oxy after oxy after oxy until I was 200mg down and 200€ poorer in the span of 6 hours.

I could go on. You get the idea. My point is, up until now I'd avoided every misfortune that a junkie could know by sheer dumb luck alone, and developed a misguided belief in both my own invincibility and that “do or die, you've always got to climb higher”.

I'd fallen in love with ketamine at first sight. Or sniff. Doing small bumps in between episodes of Serial Experiments Lain, feeling gravity shift ever-so-slightly to the side. Snorting lines at parties and dissoing my ass off. Moving on to IV use after the ket flu got too harsh to deal with and being blown away by the surreal odysseys I'd be launched into. Always counting to eight after pushing down the plunger, since it always took that long for time to slow and the buzzing to emerge.

Long story short, I was as much of a ket fiend one could be while working manual labor in southern Finland. I loved the stuff. It was so unlike everything else, always novel, always different, always profound yet incomprehensible. An easy escape route.

When I first spied the letters “DMXE” on some-or-other RC site, I was immediately intrigued. I'd never had the luck to try MXE, that dissohead darling, yet here was a faithful imitation, still legal, at a reasonable price...

It felt like providence. I had to try it. So, I made my order for 1,5 grams of the stuff, then waited, then forgot about it, until the 22nd of December, 2020, when a Christmas card folded around three small baggies dropped in through my mail slot. The timing was perfect, as well – my roommate was stateside over the holidays, and although he was just as much of a space cadet as I was, the solitude would allow for things to get perhaps a little more out there. And I didn't even need to share.

I'd read up on the substance, as much as was possible – it was still fairly novel, and the dedicated subreddit was just beginning to take its first teetering steps. Not a word written on Psychonautwiki, either, and even Bluelight seemed barren. Information was scarce.

Still, I'd read enough to at least formulate some mental guidelines, which I would proceed to flagrantly violate not two hours into my first experience.

Initial dosage was 50mg, insufflated. Then, maybe 30 minutes later, another 50mg. Then more. Then, as an aspiring pioneer of psychonautics (lmao) I decided to uncover the mysteries that I had barely seen mentioned up until now – was intravenous DMXE viable? I'd seen spitballing, hunches shot down by assumptions, but no real, usable god-damn information.

My first shot was carefully weighed out at 20mg, dissolved into saline. There was no rush like with ketamine or MDMA, merely blue and red flashing lights at the edge of my vision that reminded me of police sirens, and turned out to be an early warning sign of an approaching grand mal seizure.

My second shot went in. Then the third, and at this point whatever tenuous grasp I had on time and mass went straight out of the window and into the trash, where it spontaneously combusted.

Dosages varied wildly, as did timings. It was speedier than ketamine, more clear-headed, less grammatically challenged – this was put to the test on the 24th and 25th, when I would spend Christmas with my parents, my sister and her boyfriend, disso'd out of my mind yet still remaining very much coherent, perhaps even stealthy. Typing was no obstacle, clear and collected, unlike the usual slurring ketamine gibberish I'd puke out at 2AM.

Music was very enjoyable, but at a faster BPM than ketamine – where K would find me melting into the deep bass and alien textures of bristol dubstep, DMXE had me bouncing around my room to darker shades of psytrance, too busy having fun to contemplate anything, reminiscent of medium-dose DXM in a lot of ways.

Visuals were ket-like, yet far less disorienting, and darker in tone. Strings of “energy” hanging off everything, the air seeming to have a thin oilslick-like sheen to it, tiled floors a joy to behold. Urination was difficult, my lower body shifting into various colors and textures as I strained to piss. Apparent vasoconstriction, yet nowhere near stimulant levels. Eroticism was out of the question.

At some point, Chekhov's Gun reappeared, in the form of a grand mal seizure. I was completely oblivious to it, merely assuming I had blacked out and gone “ket feral” as my friends liked to call it – dazed and confused and primally violent, yet too fucked to really hurt anyone. The friend I had on voice call with me throughout later mentioned hearing a crash and the sound of something repeatedly bumping against the floor – this turned out to be the back of my head, my heels, my elbows and my hands, all of which were ripped and bleeding afterwards.

Also, the lamp my sister had gifted to me the year before proved thoroughly incompatible with the molecule – cheap metal piping and a poorly reinforced lampshade no match to the fury of a thousand disso zombies.

At this point, I assumed the lasting feeling of inner peace and joy was due to the drug, rather than an aftereffect of the seizure – this would be proven wrong almost exactly a year later thanks to a pregabalin overdose that left me comfortably seizing and choking on my own vomit during my birthday.

Total material consumed during first 12-hour sesh amounted to roughly 600mg, give or take. No particular hangover, apart from some slight lethargy, and the aforementioned hard reset had done a wonderful number on my mood.

During Christmas, insufflation was the preferred method – debates and arguments felt very enjoyable, my head felt much clearer than it had any right to be. Food was presumably edible – I have no recollection of eating. I stayed at a low-medium buzz, sanguine and cheerful, a bit rowdier than usual in part due to drink.

Material consumed on 24th and 25th unknown, presumably 400 – 500mg total, lasting quite well considering the price. No particular difficulties falling asleep. Noticed another similarity to ketamine – the substance seemed to “compound” during the trip, with hallucinations getting progressively heavier and heavier as time went on, even if dosage was decreased.

Final sesh, presumably on the 26th, is a total blackout. Remember taking a walk in the morning, feeling peacefully delusional, like I'd somehow solved the secret to life itself during my drug-fueled stress test. Recall watching Serial Experiments Lain and Paranoia Agent with my parents later in the day, before retiring to my apartment at dusk to sesh further. No further information exists.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable series of experiences, but the drug doesn't seem to mesh with my methods particularly well – larger doses and compulsive redosing don't produce a concomitant increase in effect, intravenous use has no notable upside and can turn very sour very quick with the aforementioned redosing.

Seems best enjoyed out and about, perhaps at a rave, insufflated and at lower doses, not locked in your apartment like some godless gremlin trying to discern between a good vein and a hallucination.

Perhaps best enjoyed by someone else.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 116935
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Jan 21, 2023	Views: 808
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DMXE (926) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Health Problems (27), Addiction & Habituation (10), General (1), Alone (16)