DOSE: T+ 0:00	3.75 g	oral	Mushrooms
T+ 8:00		oral	Kratom	(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Context/Intent: This was a trip I took with my friend serving as the trip sitter. It was started in the early afternoon. My primary intention was: to forgive a friend for acting recklessly on benzos on my birthday, facing my fear of pushing to higher doses, and reflecting on the month anniversary of my sobriety from cannabis.

-2:00 - Started Fasting
0:00 - Ate the mushrooms with cheez-its, cleared the batch within about 6 minutes.
0:20 - CNS Activation, general stimulation, and the assurance that these mushrooms were of proper potency.
0:30 - Visuals becoming apparent. Noticed the assortment of trees outside my apartment window was highly saturated with color.

0:45 - Feelings of unease, felt like I had to purge the hate I had for my friend from my soul. Started journaling in my sketchbook, noting the relativity of mental illness and the universality of personal problems and personality quirks; concluding that to hate my close friend is to ultimately hate myself. Soon after, I started hallucinating sketches that existed previously in my notebook appearing on the blank patch opposite my notes. This in tandem with an intense grateful dead jam, jolted me from my bed.

1:00 - After some breathwork, a change in music, and an emphasis on socializing with my friend; I start to feel significantly better. I start dancing around my apartment, grooving out and walking myself softly to the nearing peak. Also did calisthenics.

1:15 - My friend goes to the bathroom, and I have a sudden realization of the extremely brutal fight I’d had with my partner just over a month prior. The fight occurred while I was in a k-hole, and in the same apartment I was currently in. I felt an intense wave of guilt for my part to play in the fight. The worst fight we’d ever had, spurned by a statement I’d made regarding my ex in the throws of a K-hole. I felt scorned and judged by what I felt were the presence of entities. Thoughts of suicide briefly crossed my mind but were never truly entertained. I felt like I had been transported back to the time of the fight, and was concerned I had tainted my ability to trip in this apartment.

1:30 - I start talking to my friend. The talking helps, but the general feeling of unease doesn’t really go away. This feels less like a therapeutic remediation of trauma, and more like a realization of guilt and trauma left unresolved. It’s around this time I also feel like my arms look like that of a child’s, likely a reaction to my perceived vulnerability.

1:45 - I try meditating, and my closed-eye visuals give me the sense that I may be able to escape my problem by ascending from my ego. After meditating some more, my ego is very softened, however, I still feel shitty, and I retreat to my bedroom.

2:00 - Time starts to become meaningless. I feel like I’m being judged by the Golden Teacher, an entity I’ve attached to my favorite strain, and often pay homage to at the beginning and end of the trip. I beg her forgiveness for my arrogance and superiority complex. I apologize for the wrongs slighted at my partner. It doesn’t seem to do much, and I soon feel the presence of Jester-like entities, laughing at my condition. I get the notion that perhaps I need to stand up to these bullies, and very quickly I’m assured that will only drag me down to hell. I spend a lot of time looking into my radiator, the mushroom entities emphasizing the expulsion of toxic attitudes and behaviors, and reinforcement of healthy practices.

2:30 - Coherency starts to return to me, and I go hang out with my friend in the other room. Despite my rough time, the abundance of trips shows me that it’s not ultimately a big deal. We fool around mid-journey, and I relax; although I can’t escape the feeling of unease.

4:00 - More or less sober. Some body load and hangover effects instead of an afterglow.

8:00 - Body load persists, I drink some red vein kratom to mitigate and it works great.

Effect Index Intensity Scale (1-6):
Visuals: 4
Introspection: 5
Cohesion: 3
Body Load: 4
Spirituality/Mysticism: 4

Noted Subjective Effects: Physical: Appetite Suppression, Sedation, Excessive Yawning, Pupil Dilation

Cognitive: Anxiety, Emotion Intensification, Empathy Enhancement, Immersion Enhancement, Increased Music Appreciation, Memory Enhancement, Thought Acceleration, Wakefulness, Addiction Suppression, Mixed Emotions, Thought Loops, Cognitive Dysphoria/Euphoria (Not simultaneous), Autonomous Voice Communication, Catharsis, Deja Vu, Depression, Introspection, Mindfulness, Suicidal Ideation, Spirituality Enhancement

Sensory: Color Enhancement, Acuity Enhancement, Peripheral Information Misinterpretation, Breathing (Flowing, Breathing), Perceptive Distortion, Brightness Alteration, Visual Exposure to Inner Mechanics of consciousness, Geometry, Internal Hallucination (Level 2), Autonomous Entity, Gustatory Suppression, Olfactory Suppression, Anticipatory Response, Memory Replays, Scenarios and Plots

Conclusion: Certainly a therapeutic experience, and the knowledge that it wasn’t gonna be fun definitely helped me accept the bleak nature of the trip early on. I’m still left with feelings of unease from the repressed memories being unearthed. I’m gonna have to work on them, and will likely have to either see a therapist or have a more guided trip. Perhaps a higher dose would be necessary.

Exp Year: 2023	ExpID: 117604
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Dec 2, 2023	Views: 15
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Mushrooms (39), Breathing (470) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Small Group (2-9) (17)