DOSE:

2.5 - 3.5 g

oral

Mushrooms

(dried)

I’m not sure if I will ever post the full report of this trip. I just wanted to write something as shrooms have had such a profound effect on me, I feel the need to share it, even if it’s just after thoughts or after affects.

I have done shrooms twice. The first time was amazing - hence why the second time ever happened. The first time I took 2.5g. Coming up felt amazing, I had what I can only describe as a heavy heat in my stomach that felt comforting. I was physically unable to stop myself from laughing and smiling, I had amazing auditory hallucinations, I could feel sound. It sounds so weird to say, but I could feel the way words and music was twisting and dancing around my ears.

I didn’t have very heavy visual hallucinations, everything did look to have a heavy, black and cartoonish outline. Lights had halos around them, the blinds on the window were bending and everything looked to have a yellow-ish filter on it. There were points during the trip that I felt quite scared, but never enough for it to develop into a bad trip and I was totally in control of everything I was doing and saying, I remember everything like it was yesterday and at the time of writing this, my first trip was 4 months ago.

My second trip was both the best and worst experience I would say, of my life. I took 3.5g. I’m not going to go into full description because I don’t think I’ve actually processed everything that happened, but in a nutshell I felt all the best feelings. I felt pure elation, it was probably the happiest and most carefree I have ever been. I laughed hysterically, I felt so genuinely happy and like I could never be sad again.

It took a bad turn so suddenly, so abruptly that I can’t even pinpoint what made it turn. I felt awful during the bad part of the trip, I felt truly alone (even though I wasn’t). I felt pure despair, like I was never going to feel normal again. I couldn’t decide if I was real. I couldn’t decide if my family members or closest friends were real. It was terrifying. I remember being laid on the bed towards the end of the trip, curled up and absolutely horrified with myself for the decisions I had made.

The things I do feel comfortable sharing are as follows:

- I felt like my whole life up until that point had been the trip and I couldn’t remember who I was or who my boyfriend was.
- I think at one point I regressed to being a little girl and reliving SA that I experienced. (Comfortable sharing that fact because I want to make others aware of how powerful shrooms are and what they can make you feel/think/experience.)
- I felt like I was in a video game and every decision I made was playing out in real life. This feeling was so bizarre and terrifying. It was like I knew what was going to happen before it happened and still nothing could change the outcome, even though my decisions were playing out in real life??
- I remembered the things that I had done after eating the shrooms, but got so confused I couldn’t decide if I had actually done them or if I had hallucinated it. It was impossible for me to distinguish the difference between real life and the trip.
- I was absolutely petrified that the police were going to lock me up for eating shrooms.
- I remember feeling shame like I have never felt before for the simple fact I had taken shrooms. I was so utterly disappointed with myself, even though I willingly bought them and ate them and up until the trip turned bad I was having the best time of my life.

It has been 2 months at the time of writing this since my last trip. The thing that triggered me to write this only happened a few nights ago, I had smoked a joint with my boyfriend and we were laid in bed. He was asleep and I was falling asleep, and for some reason for a few seconds I felt like I was tripping on shrooms again. The feeling went as soon as it came on, which was bizarre.

The thing that stuck with me is it didn’t feel like a good trip. I was instantly transported back to my mindset during the bad trip. I felt the exact same fear and despair and terror as I did during that trip.

I’m not sure why this happened. I have been reading a lot of trip reports lately so perhaps it was subconsciously lingering in my mind. I had also been toying with the idea of taking shrooms again, so I don’t know if that was my mind telling me not to?

There’s a lot of things that I think come into play. When I did them the second time, I had a lot of shit on my mind that I had been trying to suppress and ignore. I was very naive to hallucinogens, I had no idea that there were different strains and strengths of shrooms. I innocently thought every trip was a uniform experience and a bad trip was difficult to come by because I was in the best company in a safe environment.

One of the most important things I have taken from the bad trip is to respect hallucinogens. Respect the fact they could make you face thoughts and feelings and past experiences from years and years ago, that you might not feel ready to face in a sober state of mind.

They will not mask any feelings and make them easy to ignore. They force you to look at them and feel them and once this starts, there really is no stopping it until the psilocybin wears off.

Don’t get me wrong, I also think they are amazing and wondrous and I wouldn’t ever advise anyone to never do them. I would only advise to proceed with caution. Being in a good headspace is absolutely imperative. Your company and environment is equally as important.

I honestly don’t know if I will ever touch shrooms again. I know I previously mentioned I had been considering the idea of trying them again, but the bad flashback has really put me off. It’s a disappointing feeling because again, as previously mentioned, shrooms can be amazing. I want to experience pure elation again, I have never felt such nice feelings as I did when on shrooms. But is it really worth the potential terror and fear and despair that could also come with it? I haven’t decided yet.

Exp Year: 2023	ExpID: 117773
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Nov 10, 2024	Views: 14
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