DOSE: T+ 0:59	7.5 glasses	oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine	(liquid)
T+ 0:59	5 hits	smoked	Cannabis	(plant material)
T+ 2:00	3 hits	smoked	Cannabis	(plant material)

It was a Friday night, about 9pm, four friends (L, J, A, and S, for anonimity's sake) and I were at a rock/space-rock gig. It was a time of my life where I'd never felt emotionally or psychologically stronger. I wasn't anticipating getting drunk, since I had work in the morning. But I gave in to the temptation, and ended up having about 7 or 8 (I can't remember exactly) pints of standard 5% alcohol beer. We went back to L's early, because S had been struck in the head with a guitar after a rather frantic 'emo mosh pit'.

When we got back, J had prepared a spliff, a bong and a pipe, for the use of him and I. It was about 11pm now. As my judgement was impaired, I had three hits off the bong and two hits off the pipe in very quick succession. Feeling hungry, me and J decided to go outside and take a walk to a Turkish Kebab house (at least, I think it's Turkish!). It was at this point I realised I was incredibly stoned, more so than I've ever been in my life. I doubt I was hallucinating, but it's a possibility. On the way, I saw blood on the floor. Obviously I was scared, but then thought of myself in an old-time mystery movie, and I could hear a tinkling silent film-style piano. About three people walked past on the way past the car-park, and of each one of them I believed they were responsible for the blood on the floor, and I kept running away in hysterics, not knowing if this was unbelievabely scarey or hilarious.

I had never felt so happy and at peace of mind in my life, and I kept thanking J for getting me high. It was quite possibly the first time I've been stoned. Other noteworthy things I saw on the way was an old man in a wheel chair who just sat outside a church. I felt like he was at the same peace of mind as I was.

When we got to the restaurant, it felt like I was on holiday, with the employees talking in their native tounges. I enjoyed revelling in the fact that I was stoned as well as actually being stoned. Once our garlic pizzas were ready, and we took them back to L's. On the way there, we met a guy who had just had a line of cocaine. I can't remember what he said, but he seemed really high! Anyway, we were finally at home. Eating my pizza whilst watching the tele could have been the perfect end to a nice night out, but for some reason, I decided to have two more bongs and another pipe. BIG mistake! Within five minutes of this incident, my heart was racing incredibly fast. Because I was relatively inexperienced, I didn't know that a fast heart beat was normal, and I got really scared. It felt like I had a hole in my chest, and that my heart was going to explode. I sat down on the couch in the other room to try settle myself down and take my mind off my heart, but to no avail. I was in the middle of a panic attack.

One of my friends (I can't remember who) took me upstairs. At this point I swear I was hallucinating. I was seeing rather odd and colourful geometric shapes and toy-like animals in my head, and they seemed shockingly familiar, yet I have no recollection of seeing them before in my life. I got into a bed, and just lay there, shivering and convulsing. I couldn't tell wether I was hot or cold. I kept seeing these shapes and colours that, in my current state of mind, believed I used to imagine them when I was a child to make me feel secure. It was like a natural mental defensee against the fact that I was going to die.

The only thing I could think of doing was trying to concentrate on my racing heart beat. I kept hearing voices in my head, like chants, which changed in optimism depending on how nervous I felt. When I felt I was going to die, the chants were akin to 'forgive me and I'll be better in the next life', but when I was starting to feel like I would pull through, the chants were similar to 'Dear God, please save me from this place'. Some of the chants were so poetic that I could vividly remember them the next day and I wrote them down.

I asked one of my friends to ring an ambulance. After he'd rung the ambulance, I decided to get out of bed and take a wee. According to L, it was the longest wee he'd ever witnessed in his entire life. After I'd urinated, I suddenly felt quite a lot better, and then thought 'Oh shit! They phoned an ambulance!' When I got out the ambulance, there were two male nurses (or something) who helped me down stairs and into the back of the ambulance. I remember one of the nurses being surly, and saying 'you know what you've been doing to get in this state' and I thought 'damn'. The other nurse was very positive and encouraging, though I have no recollection of what he actually said. On the way to the hospital, I saw my pulse rate on a monitor, it said 180. I don't know wether this was my actually heart rate in BPS or what, but I felt comfortable now I was in the ambulance.

When I was finally in hospital, I was in a hospital bed. Oddly, I kept breaking wind all the time, and i still don't know why! A doctor checked up on me every now and then. I remember the bed being so uncomfortable! But I seemed to be at peace again. Soon, it was 4am, and a nurse informed me that I was allowed to go home. I thought to myself 'how the hell do I get home?! I don't even know where the hospital is!' She told me that I could either ring someone up to pick me up, or I could sleep over at the hospital. A nurse told me how to use the phone and get through the switchboard etc, but I was too drunk to figure out how to use the phone. I wandered around the hospital for a while, exploring it, and eventually decided to fall asleep in the waiting room across some chairs.

When I woke up, which was about ten o' clock (I always have trouble sleeping when under the influence), I imediately thought 'oh no! I have to be at work!'. Since I didn't have my wallet or my mobile phone, the only option was for me to walk five miles to my sister's house. I walked out of the hospital without registering, and took a long walk thinking about the night before. Everything seemed beautiful and vibrant, and even though I was a little bit lost (it was a part of town I've only been to once or twice), I felt happy and lucky to be alive, and never took my life for granted again. During a state of mind in which you think you're going to die, you vow never to do what you did again, that is, if you live. Your sins race through your head, and you try to weigh up what you could do right now in order to reach the afterlife. Is it REALLY possible for me to repent everything now, of all times, dying due to commiting a 'sin' (smoking pot)? The only thing you can do is pray for a second chance (even though it is probably your tenth chance) and promise yourself you will never do anything so stupid again.

A few months have gone by now, and I am still edgy, and don't feel as emotionally strong. I get scared at night again, and I feel paranoid. Yet I still smoke weed. I have no idea why I still smoke it. Surely I can't be addicted? I believe the reason is because I want to feel that euphoria again, of being in complete peace and acceptance. I want to feel that way all the time.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 13065
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 11, 2005	Views: 18,226
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Alcohol - Beer/Wine (199), Cannabis (1) : Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Hospital (36)