DOSE:

1 hit

oral

LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

115 lb

E drove up and picked me up as I sneaked out of my house and let my first dot melt into my tongue with no hesitation. We drove up to his place. I think it was about 10pm. We had a music on both in the living room and the bedroom. I don't remember how long of a time before I suddenly felt the living room was changing its size. I think it was the effect of the hallogen lamp. My attentions drew over to the dim light that the lamp was spreading out. Dark and back, dark to normal, dark to light. I don't exactly know how to describe this. It just seem like the room was alive and was breathing. I remember asking my friend if he sees the room breathing also. He said that I was just tripping and we laughed.

I was just having so much fun. And then we went under the computer desk and started listening to the music. I don't remember what kind of trance it was, but it certainly wasn't a happy dreamy one because I started to feel like I was in this very dark place with no one beside me and was scared. I also felt very conscious of my self and thought to my self 'What the hell am I doing here?' I think it's then when I started getting a little worried about sneaking back on time. I was suppose to sneak back by 7am before my mom and step dad wakes up. I told E about how I felt and he suggest that we come out of there. We went in to his room and turn out the light, lied on the mattress and started listening to the music again. Orbital was playing. It was really pretty.

When I closed my eyes, I saw this purple rail circulating in front of my eyes in 3-D, and it was still there when I opened my eyes in the dark again. It was really amazing and I was just having alot of fun. I asked E if he was seeing the same things that I was seeing, and he said no and explained to me the kind of things that he was seeing. He said that he was really fucked up and that we were really fucked up. He also said that he was very proud of me of how well I'm handling my self on acid. I think that brought back the worries and the negativity in this trip. I was giving an another thought to the situation. I started giving a doubt to my mind and thought about the possibilities of having a bad trip.

And then I began to notice my self being very worried about getting home on time. By that time I already was picking up on my thought process and got caught up in the internal world instead of just loosing my self in the moments and the visuals and all. I took a look at E's face, and I stared at his face for along time. It started to shape up in to something very dark and monsterous. I got so scared and I ducked my head under my arms and had my face to the pillow. I took another look again at his face and he was smiling. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that he looked like a coyote and that he looked really really scary. I don't remember what he said but I started to feel really bad about what I said to him and thought to my self that I won't tell him anything like that again.

I think I had to go to the restroom or something then. When I went in to the rest room and looked at my self in the mirror, I felt really normal. We sat in the living room and started to play some video games and smoked some cigaret. We were using a plastic cup for the ash trays and I accidently made a whole in the cup and ruined the carpet alittle bit. And then we started to talk. There were alot that we talked about that I will just skip off right now and go to a part where we talked about god. E didn't believe in god but I knew he believed in something. And then I remembered this phrase that E wrote on his computer before we got really high. It was something about fear. How conquring our fear will open a door to the secret. All of a sudden that phrase really started to make sence to me in a not very healthy way.

I was thinking about things in a very scientific way, looking at reality in a very cold naked eyes. I was thinking about faith and for the first time I was a third person looking at my self with the faith and how I could have developed them. And then I burst into tears. I started to feel really depressed. It was really wierd because I wasn’t crying because I have realized the possibility that there might not be such thing as god but because of the fact that I felt like I have lost the magic about the matter and life as if I had already known the secret long time ago. I felt like I knew about the secret all along but had it hidden deep inside me either consciously or unconsciously.

What ever I think about, and what ever I thought was true, felt like the truth at that moment. I was thinking extremely hard and about everything. E said that I was just peaking and that it was all drugs, but it didn't help at all. And then I began to notice the sun coming up. I went out side and I realize E was watching me from the window. I asked him why, and he said that he was worried that I might jump off the balcony. When I saw the sunlight I felt a little better because I felt the warmth and the power of nature. It felt like there had to be something out there. Something ultimately good. We tried to eat and then he took me back to my house.

I was all by my self then. Now I was really hitting a cold reality. With no audience watching over me, and no one to complain anything about. I just had to figure out a way to get back to my house. Then I really started to get worried. It was already really late. I had to think about the way I was gonna get back in. Should I just wait a little and use the front door and act like I just went out for a walk or something. That is when I have noticed my self walking back and forth constantly about 5 times already on that block in front of my house. I got really scared and looked around the area to see if anyone was watching me. Because, even to my self, I looked really crazy. I was walking really fast, up and down that block within about 10 steps distance. I couldn't stop my self from walking and I was really annoyed by it. I had to force my self to calm my self down and literally had to talk to my self 'You have got to stop. You have got to stop'.

I can't really recall how I got back home right now, but I got in very safely. I went back into my room and laid on my bed. It was so bright and I was seeing the patterns in the ceiling comming out at me in a constant motion. I closed my eyes to not look at those patterns and I was still seeing the reflects of what I have just seen. It was driving me nuts. I could not get to sleep. It was thee most annoying experience I have ever had. I also could not stop my self from thinking either. I was thinking about something and I tried to stop my self. But one thinking led to another thinking, and it was just killing me. I think I still extremely high, it has only been like 10 hrs. I wanted to rest but I couldn't.

After that day, I felt suicidal for about 2 weeks. I even wrote a poem about why we should not live and why death should all make us happy. But I also wrote an another poem, about how we should either die or to live it our fullest. I think I had a very low tolerance for LSD, and might have given a big shock on my bio rythm or what ever. I remembered trying to focus on this colorful shapes that I see in the dark before I went to sleep when I was little. I understood where it was all coming from after getting high on acid. Now, I can see them when ever I choose to. But it isn't as easy as how I did them when I was a little girl. I loose my concentration really fast.

I haven't done acid after that day for about 5 years now, and I'm thinking about doing it again after all that bad trip. Reality seems so boring these days and I feel like I have a lot more control over my thoughts, emotions and my world.

Exp Year: 1997	ExpID: 13346
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 16, 2007	Views: 5,899
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Music Discussion (22), Depression (15), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)