DOSE:	repeated	smoked	Cannabis	(plant material)
	repeated	smoked	Methamphetamine	(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

To start off; I've experimented with a wide range of drugs, so I have had many different experiences, but none like this.

Middle school was the time in my life where I would try just about anything new, mostly because my friends did and I didn't want to be left out. Whatever they got a hold of we would all partake in, but out of everything I tried nothing could add up to weed. Pretty much weed was my best friend. Every day at lunch we would leave school at lunch time and toke up and go skateboarding. Some of the best times in my life. One of my good friends was known a 'tweaker', because meth was his drug of choice. He stopped all his recreational drug use and only smoked cigarettes, but continued to snort meth. He offered it to me several times, but I always declined, because whenever I did coke it made me very sick. I went over to his house one day and he and some other friends were in his room smoking it. This would be the first time I would try it, I was already stoned when I took a hit, and I never felt anything other than being stoned.

A Year later my friend's parents found out about his drug abuse and kicked him out. Being only 15 on his own, luckily another friends parents allowed him to stay with them. I saw him seldom after that because it was so hard to find transportation out to where he was staying, but when I did I seen that he still snorted and smoked meth and met a group of friends that made it so he was doing it everyday. Summer comes and I don't see him for a few months. Now in fall I keep looking around for him, but no one knows where he is. I finally find him while skating down town, he was homeless and needed money for food which I gladly gave him all the spare change I had.

Catching up on times I found out that the police had raided the house he was staying and and closed it down. When he was on the street all the money he received from begging when straight to meth and anything leftover bought him food. He looked horrible, like some kind of zombie, even his personality changed, he was still one of the best friends, but not the same person I knew. I made a bunch of calls that day and found him a place to stay. My parents moved and I had to switch schools so I never saw him after that. In January I come to find out from another good friend that he committed suicide. This changed my life. I quit smoking, drink, and doing drugs. To me meth was the killer of my friend, but then I know he was severely depressed, I was, everyone I hung out with was, so it was nothing new, it was why we were the way we were, but needed a scapegoat and I blamed everything on drugs.

I turned my life around. I quit seeing my old friends, because I couldn't look at them, a pain I can't explain in words or actions. Being in a new school and a new neighborhood I met some new friends. I changed my lifestyle/trendstyle, but I kept skateboarding. My new best friend. I got really good, thought it would take me some where, then I got injured and hospitalized. Life was starting to suck again.

4 years later I was met with a mountain of let downs. So I went back to who would never let me down, Mary Jane. I fell in love again, smoked everyday. Then I started going back to drugs; acid, pcp, extacy, dex, and shrooms. Still nothing was better than the weed. I vowed I'd never drink again, but after all the peer presure of being 20 and not drinking I gave it, now the depression really set it.

Some of my friends now turned from weed to meth. Meth scared the shit out of me, but when offered I didn't say no, I didn't really care anymore, I gave up my self worth and tried it. I took about 3 hits, but didn't feel anything. I was all ready stoned of some cali chronic, but I felt a little different. Often when I'm stoned I think about life, why things are the way they are and what is the purpose for humanity. Lately I was thinking about how people are programmed and then weed started making me feel really depressed.

--- 04/25/02 ---

I decided to try meth with out getting stoned to see what it was like. Between 2 days I had about 15 hits, little hits, maybe 2 homeruns out of all of them. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't feel high, being high to me is like being thrown off a cliff, I like that good nerve feeling. This high was like a caffeine rush or a 'bonus cup'. Edgy without loss of control. I got high to leave reality, but this brought me closer to it. I stayed up all night feeling like shit, I had hit rock bottom, but my friends and I carried a conversation for 12 hours! I remember looking at the clock and it being 8:00AM after seeing it when it was 12:00AM, I felt really hungry because the last time I ate was 10:00AM Wednesday and it was 9:00AM Friday.

Since it was morning we decided to leave the house. I didn't really feel like standing up, but when I tried I shot straight up. I had an amazing boost of energy. When I stepped outside and the sun hit me it felt like I had slept all night. All my worried and troubles were gone, I felt like I was reborn. The feeling was better than good E, I felt clean. We walked around all day trying to score some more meth, I never got tired once. At the end of the day we were ready to give up, but we stumbled across some more and got hooked up pretty good. When we received it we were told it was the best shit in the state. We smoked up there and left. Got a ride back to my friend's house and that is where we stayed. His brother joined us then and that is where we stayed, we hung out and tweaked in his room all night. At the end of the night I started to get bored and my friend's brother offered everyone some weed, both my friend's turned it down, but I wanted to get stoned so I smoked up.

This is where my night turned to hell.

I took about six fat rips off this little pocket bong. Held them in and coughed. I wanted to get blazed and I did. The weed started to set in, the feeling was great, I never had weed make me feel that good. Then my heart began to race. I never had my heart beat as fast and as hard as it did then. My vision started to change, I seen millions of red squares moving every which way, but not enough to blur my vision, but it changed the tint of the room. The room was very dim, the room was decorated with posters and pictures, mostly bands, but some of the pictured were dark and sinister. I loved them, but they really started to freak me out when they started moving. I immediately let my friends know something wasn't right with me and the kinda started to fuck me until they realized I looked really sick. I started to forget where I was and forgot I was sitting down on the floor. I kept felling like I was sinking and forgetting I had arms, until I seen them. I didn't like the feeling so I got up to go get a glass of water.

I drank the water and the bad feeling went away, I didn't feel stoned. So I went back in my friend's room and sat down. Then it hit me again, my heart started to beat real fast and I started seeing colors again. Sitting on the floor in the corner of the room I started to hallucinate. I tried not to focus on being high and pay attention to my friend's conversation, but I would zone out and come back in a totally different conversation. I felt like I should add to the conversation, because now I felt like I was going to pass out.

In reality I wasn't adding to the conversation, I was mumbling in the corner (verified the next day) but in this new reality. What I was seeing and hearing was one friend making fun of me and talking down on me then looking to the other only to have him look at me and verify what the other said, so now I was being hurt by emotional pain. It was like I was being punished for doing these drugs. My own personal hell. The next vision I had was the room being split into four squares then being pulled apart only to be filled with darkness. I closed my eyes and came back everything looked normal. To try to take my mind of this sickness I started to watch TV. I brought over Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and that's what was being played in the background of this small groups conversation.

I've watched the show a lot, but watching it that night, I couldn't ever remember watching it before. After the movie was over we went up stairs and my friend's parents had ordered pizza, so we ate then returned back down stairs, I was feeling normal until I sat down, my heart started to race again, and I had visions of death and my friend's having to call a medic because I couldn't handle my self. My vision started to turn green and my ears started to ring as I was beginning to pass out, then I noticed I wasn't breathing, so I started to breathe heavily, but I couldn't. My heart was beating to fast for me to get enough oxygen so I tried to breathe as deep as I could. My friend's noticing me doing so asked how I was feeling and all I could say was 'all right'. I didn't need to freak my friends out, but eventually the weed wore off and I felt semi-normal, so I took a three hour power nap and in-between that I probably got and hours worth of sleep, same goes for everyone else.

They all started the day off with a couple hits, but I was to scarred to smoke anymore. After getting up I remembered visions of my friends smoking and passing around gigantic crack pipes and a few other odd visions. Felling good that I didn't die the night before, I decided to go home. I lived five miles away and my only ride was a skateboard so I skated home. I skated all the way there non-stop up until a block away when I decided since I skated that far and fast with out stop maybe I should give my body a rest just for a good measure. So I sat for about five minutes and stood up, skating off I was immediately stoned again. I felt like crying, I thought I was never going to escape this hell. I finally reached home and sat at my computer for a few hours. Then my friend called and asked if I wanted to hang out, and so I did. I skated a mile to where he was staying and hung out for that night, I took two more hits then feeling better, then decided I needed sleep or my body was going to shut down from all the exertion. So I got drunk and fell asleep. I got up the next day felling like and skated home. It took about a week before the felling of being stoned went away and I am glad. This experience was a real eye opener to me.

Weed being my best friend turned on me in jealousy over smoking crank. So now I choose to remain drug free, if I want to poison myself it will be with alcohol. I am officially through with all the drug use. I want my balance and my personality back. I fear that it will never happen, but I'll see what turns out for me, but with my luck I'll be back to drugs before I know it.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 14529
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 16, 2006	Views: 52,092
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Methamphetamine (37), Cannabis (1) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Bad Trips (6), Depression (15), Various (28)