DOSE:

IV

Heroin

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

I was 20 and in college when i had my first sniff of heroin. i got very dizzy from it and it made me sick as hell for over 4hrs. in those 4hrs, i couldnt keep my eyes opened, walk straight and puked my brains out. as you would imagine, i told myself there is no way i would ever touch heroin again.

i'm 21 now and ive shot up heroin over a dozen time since my first encounter. i guess the lure of the needle was what made me give harry another try. i've done pot, acid, and e and those experiences were more and less positive, so i thought, 'why not try the needle?' i mean, after all, i was convinced that whenever i took any drugs, i was always in control and that the risks therefore, were virtually nonexistant. so when a friend offered a taste of heroin again but thru the syringe, i was all excited to finally get the chance to feel the effect that has gotten thousands of ppl addicted and killed. i bought a bag. my friend J suggested that i shoot up the entire bag to get the fullest effect for my money. i agreed and J did the shot for me after cooking it on a spoon in a brand new needle i bought. i was a bit nervous, praying that it wouldnt make me as sick as my first time, also b/c im afraid of needles. J was pretty swift with the needle and easily found a good vein. i feel the tinkle of the prick, while watching the brownish liquid go into my arm. in a matter of 5 or 6 seconds, i was overcomed with this rush of warmth that seemed to flow to every cell of my body. i stood up, looked over at J and realized my vision was very fuzzy. i suddenly felt very dizzy and faint so i sad started to go for the bed. J offered me a cigarrett, but i was too high to even hold it none the less smoke at this point. J asked me how was it? i couldnt even barely talk. by then, i had collapsed on my bed. J soon left and i was alone on my bed. i felt like i was trapped in my body. not in a bad way. my breathing was becoming thin. at this point, i was thinking that maybe i had taken too much. also, it was late at night, around 3pm. i guess i was exhausted also and with the combination of the smack, i got completely knock out in a matter of 30 mins. but during that time, my body started inching like crazy. my thighs and legs were so itchy that the next morning, i found long scratch marks on my legs from my own nails. at around 8am, i woke up, still buzzed from the night, very grogy, with a feeling of nausea. i must have puked at least 3 times that day and my entire day was pretty muched fucked up cause i felt awful. the next day, i just thought, 'shit, that was so fucking intense.'

few days later, i did it again, but only this time, i did half the bag to be safe. the full bag was too much for me. this time, i didnt get knocked out but instead enjoyed the high much more. the same rush came over me, only this time i was expecting it and wanting to feel it again. it made the rush all that better. i put on some music and popped onto my bed. within seconds, i rush came after the injection. the warm embraced me like a hug. for a few mins i closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling i knew was only going to last for maybe 10 mins. i felt so cozy in my body with heroin running thru my veins. nothing was on my mind, but the feeling. i wasnt thinking about my problems, nothing. heroin makes you stop thinking and feeling about everything expect how good it was. after a few more times, i realized heroin doesnt take the pain away from your life or make your life more bearable like some ppl say it does. no, it doesnt do any of that. it isnt a wonder drug that cures the problems in your life. what heroin can do for you is that when you invite it into your body, it makes you forget your problems, makes you lose track of your mind and feeds your body and your mind only the warmest tinkling sensations that nothing else can give you. but once the wonderful rush is over, youre left spending the next couple of hours, bedridden, unable to walk, think, do much of anything. and once that is gone, youre back to face your problems, your pain or anything else wrong in your life. for about a month i went on shooting up twice a week. i couldnt really afford any more than that, but if i could, i would have done it every day. soon, half a bag wasnt even doing much for me. you developed tolerance quickly. during that that month, i stopped caring about a lot of things i normally would care about. i didnt care if i didnt spend time with my friends or hang out. every week i looked forward to shooting up, getting my next fix. i became easily annoyed and bitter for no reason and distant myself from everyone. soon, my veins were bruised up badly. i had needle scars on both my arms. when i took a hit, my arms hurt as hell. my wieght had gone down, b/c heroin suppresses your appetite. sometimes i would shoot up at night and wake up still high to go to class. i couldnt really walk when i still had smack in my system, and so walking made me sick and i often had to excuse myself from lectures to go to the bathroom and puke. my friends would tell me i looked pale, tired, etc. i was pretty much fucking myself up socially, physically and mentally. eventually i stopped cold turkey. i realized that if i didnt, i would be really addicted or worse, dead.

i have never craved for any drug the way i did with heroin. i felt for the first time, that a drug has taken control of my life. heroin totally changed me into someone i didnt like. after i stopped messing with heroin and the needle, for a time i thought that maybe i had caught some horrible disease from dirty needles and dirty works. i was so paranoid for a month that i thought i had hiv. (i would reuse my needles often.) i did eventually get tested and thank god, im clean. its been over 8 months since i touched heroin or the needle. i dont ever plan on meeting it again. often i still think about it and about how good it feels. sometimes when im down, i want to do it again, but i stop myself. heroin just isnt worth losing your friends, family and your life over. what it offers you is great, but the potential consequences are even greater. because if you do decide to shoot up, you are playing with fire and sooner or later, you will get burned.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 16255
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 25, 2002	Views: 100,462
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Heroin (27) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)